


To Protect

by Val_08



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1992, Canon Compliant, Ginny has a desintox cure because of the diary, Ginny's first year, I suck at this, Moral Dilemnas, Multi, Semi Self-Insert, Sort of psychologic torture, but still kinda different
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-27 06:57:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 46,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13242933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_08/pseuds/Val_08
Summary: Alex was normal. Plain, really.Then she drank coffee.And... as confused as she was, she was pretty sure that what was happening to her was anything but normal.___In which a girl in her twenties is sent to Hogwarts in 1992 and struggles to keep her head out of the water, as well as her friends'.___-Harry Potter's world doesn't belong to me but to J.K. Rowling.





	1. It's the last time I drink coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, this is a reedit of chapter 1 because a nice reader pointed out to me that the original was totally unacceptable -they didn't really phrase it like this, but let's face it, it was no more than a huge pile of sh... Well, you got the idea.   
> So yeah, I reedited it, and it added some character and plot development (and a huge lot of depression, but that's not really a bad thing) which means that even if you read the original version, you might want to read this one too because it is quite different.

Alex Crest had never been a lucky girl. She had a lovely family, though annoying siblings. But the problem with her was elsewhere.

No, her problem was that she just... Always had a hard time finding happiness.

She was smart, but it had lead her to be disliked by her fellow classmates, therefore her lack of friends. She did have a friend once she reached 12 years old, but two years later they were separated as they went to different high-schools.  
She wasn't very pretty either, nor was she especially interesting, hence her lack of boyfriend.

As such, books and family were the only thing to help her keep going, and she grew up as a responsible young woman, and at 23, she was in science studies with the goal to become a renown researcher. She didn't have a boyfriend yet, and had given up on the dream to have any children for a long time. She was okay with being alone as it could be less of a hindrance.

And now, she was at the table of a random café, waiting for the crepes she had ordered.

The waitress arrived after close to ten minutes, with her crepes and a cafe:

"Gift from the house, she said as she put the cup of coffee on the table, her eyes twinkling. It's magic."

Intrigued by the waitress' last sentence, she inspected her coffee, not sure what was in there. But well, it was free, so with a great deal of courage, she drank the whole cup in one try, glad that there was enough sugar and milk.

Less glad that there was something else in it though. It had a small taste of lemon, but it was definitely more than that as as soon as she had finished her cup, she began feeling dizzy, the world spinning around her.

...

I woke up with a groan, feeling like someone was hitting my heard with a hammer.  _Hard_. 

I slowly got up, massaging my temples, and when I opened my eyes, couldn't quite believe where I was.

I seemed to be some sort of office. An original one though. Everywhere there were books, on shelves, but also on the desk, on chairs, and even on the ground. Pieces of parchment were scattered too, and there was even a huge exotic bird quietly sitting on an armchair. What was even more spectacular though, were the paper animals flying everywhere, the drops of water floating in  _air_ , the sand glasses whose sand actually went  _up_  rather than down, and the multiples jar labeled "sparkles" or "lemon drop". Actually, that last one wasn't that weird given the fact that, being a lemon lover myself, I had several identical jar in my room.

 _What. The. Hell?_ I thought weakly.

I tried to retrace my step from the last few hours, and was distressed to see that the last thing I could recall was drinking free coffee. 

_Damn, what was in that coffee?_

I started to panic, wondering why I was here, and began imagining all the worst-case scenario I could think of.

Had I been drugged and brought to this place? But why? And why a weird office?! Maybe I was actually looking too much into it, and had just fainted in the coffee shop and was brought here? But why not a hospital?!

 _That's it!_  I thought as I finally realized what had happened to me. Well, really, no need to go imagine that I had been kidnapped by aliens. It was simple, really. I obviously ended up here by my own volition, and had somehow hurt my head and had a loss of memory, probably temporary amnesia as I didn't seem hurt too badly.

I tentatively touched my head, looking for an injury, and was glad I couldn't find anything. That meant I wasn't hurt too bad.

I stood up to call for someone -whom didn't matter- and tell them I was alright, no need to call for an ambulance, when I suddenly realzied something.

Everything seemed too  _big._ Like, a lot, as if I was in a room inhabited by giants.

 _Maybe I've been abducted by aliens finally._ I thought as I gulped with a bit of effort.

But the worst hadn't come yet. I looked down at my own body and discovered that I wasn't 23 anymore. Indeed before my very eyes was the body of an approximately 10 years old child, wearing some weird robes and school uniform.

At that, my head got suddenly very dizzy, and I had to lean on the closest chair's armrest not to fall down as my legs suddenly seemed intent to do.

I took deep, slow breath, remembering what I had been taught to do during panick attacks, and did so until blood had stopped rushing to my ears and I had regained some of my vision.

Once I had regained my balance, I sat down on the chair and let out a trembling sigh.

 _It's a nightmare. It all is. There's, like, no other rational solution. One does_ not _go back to ten in an hour. That's not possible._

I jumped in surprise as I heard the door behind me open, and tried not to panick again. Two panick attacks in a row was dangerous, and I wouldn't let my emotions get the better of me twice.

I turned in the chair, not trusting my(?) body to support me, and let my eyes fall on an old man with a long, white beard, wearing half-moon glasses and what could only be qualified as robes. These were colored in various shades of greens and browns, as was the hat on his head.

At his side was a middle-aged woman with a strict bun that was tucked into a pointier black hat, and wore less impressive dark-brown robes. She had quite a severe air, though when her eyes rested on me, she seemed to soften a little.

"Ah, miss Crest, I'm glad that you woke up. You are still a bit white though." She said as her lips slightly tightened, as if in disapproval with my health. "I hope you feel better than you look?"

_How does she know my name?_

"I'm, I'm fine, thank you." I said, seeing an opportunity to gain some explanations. "I' uh... Do you know what happened to me? Where I am maybe? I mean, I'm pretty sure that I shouldn't be here, I don't recall..."

"Ah, yes, don't worry young miss," said the old man. "I'm Albus Dumbledore, this school's headmaster, and you're in my office. You fainted earlier and you were quite close to my room, which is why I  brought you here. I had planned to call for Miss Pomfrey, the nurse, but then I sensed that you had awoken. So, if you feel up to it, maybe we can go to the entrance ceremony?" He asked with twinkling eyes, and a delighted air. "I quite like to see the repartition, it is most entertaining. And well, you have to get sorted to, don't you?"

To that, I had to sit back down. 

I... had seemingly been abducted not by aliens, but by a band of mad people. 

_How do you explain the sudden youth then?_

I closed my eyes, fighting of the scream that was rising in my throat, obviously wanting to echo the one that seemed to dominate my thoughts.

I stayed like that for a few seconds, and when I looked back to my uniform, it did have a blank blason on it, as if it wasn't completed yet.

Well, if they were crazy, I only had to play along with it until I could find a way out, and I would hopefully find a way to deal with the whole "I'm back to being ten years old business" along the way.

"Yeah, sure, I can't wait to be sorted already" I said in an overly cheerful voice to "Dumbledore" and the one whom I had understood to ahem,  _be_  "McGonnagal".

"Perfect, let's hurry then, we mustn't be light. Really, it's a good thing you didn't follow Hagrid as you were ordered eralier. He would probably have let you drown if you had fainted while in the boats, saying that the giant squid is completely harmless" Said "McGonagall" as she walked out of the room. I couldn't decide if her tone was more reproachful when saying I hadn't obeyed -nevermind that I have absolutely no recollection of it- or when denouncing "Hagrid"'s carelessness.

I swiftly followed after her and the "headmaster" (more like leader of the crazy sect) and couldn't quite hold back a gasp as I saw the hallways.

The office was impressive, but it was nothing when gazing into a  _moving stairway._

Everywhere were talking portraits that seemed to interact with Dumbledore and McGonnagal, and me, and I had absolutely no idea how on earth they did that; the stairways kept on moving here and there, always roitating, never ending in their movement; and the ornamentations were just- just- so wonderful and amazing that they became indescribable. They were so delicate with their small spirales, sometimes harsh turn, smooth landforms whose eyes seemed to follow you, sometimes even smile, and extrememly small changes in the colors' shades, so small that you could barely notice them, and that yet were so amazing in all their nuances...

_Maybe there is something to gain from their craziness after all?_

_Or maybe whatever they drugged me with has strange side effects. That seems more plausible._

I was startled out of my musings when I almost collided with McGonnagal's back. We had arrived to the Great Hall, and Dumbledore was nowhere in sight. I had been so focused upon the decorations that I didn't notice him leaving.

I mentally chided myself for my lack of focus and paled a little as I saw all the children in front of the Great Hall.

Were they all like me, normal people who had somehow been torn from their normal lives to play a role in these mad people's fantasy? Obviously not, as they were all jumping with enthusiasm, talking about the coming year and wondering about how the Great Hall would be, hardly holding in the little screech of joy.

I... wasn't quite waiting for that. Nor was I at ease with it. I had been alone for the past 5 years, and was not used to be around children.Were these kids children of other mad people who had raisen them to be as mad as them? 

Hopefully, maybe there would be one person like me with whom I could forge an alliance to get out of this.

The small crowd suddenly quieted, and the huge doors slowly opened.

And I was back to gawking.

_I had never even imagined such a strange and splendid place. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles which were floating in mid-air over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the Hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. I looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the room didn't simply open on to the heaven._

I couldn't stop looking, and barely heard my name when I was called out, which unfortunately happened quite fats as I was one of the forst names on the list.

I slowly started to walk toward the stool where awaited an old patched hat that had a mouth which it had just used to sing, and I felt apprehension rising in my throat.

_This is not real. They're just all crazy, all this is fake._

_They are only so many things you can call fake before you realize they're real._

As I reached the stool, I slowly sat down, not finding it in me to smile, and -reluctantly- put the hat on.

**So... Alex. You seem like a mature child, aren't you?**

I couldn't quite hold back a shiver as I resisted the strong urge to throw the hat and run away, yelling, and took long, slow breath.

**Now, now, no need to be scared child, I don't bite.**

_Just, just a sec. Please. I uh... Need to find my brain back._ I replied awkwardly, trying really hard not to throw the damn thing off of my head and on McGonnagal.

**Hmm... I'll try not to take offence at being called a 'damn thing' and go back to your sorting instead. Well now, you're quite hard to place... Yes indeed, very hard. You don't really have any spectacular qualities, at least none that overpowers the others.**

_Thanks for recalling me how common I am._  I shot bitterly. Hey, I was getting better at this. Guess you could get used to weirdness.

**You shouldn't really be offended by being common. You're only eleven after all, you still have time to develop.**

I suppressed a cringe as I thought that even if I was 23 I still had a character as developed as an 11 year old child. This was pretty embarrassing.

**What do you mean 23?! You-... How, how is that possible?! I- In all my centuries of service, this is the first time I... No, not the first time, but still, how is that possible? I was told that he would be the only one... And you don't even seem to be aware!**

_What do you mean aware?!_ I startled. _Do you know anything of what happened to me? I- All this, is it real?_

 **I, I don't think I can tell you, I am sincerely sorry child, but it might cause trouble if I do. This, would not be wise. I'm sorry, I** cannot **tell you!**

_But, you can't leave me in the dark, you can't-_

«GRYFFINDOR!»

_No! No, you can't, you must answer me! Just tell me, please!_

I never received a replied. McGonnagal took the hat off my head before I could get it. 

Less than a minute sooner, I would have given anything to get the hat off my head.

Now I would have done anything to get it back on.

I numbly joined the Gryffindor's tables, not hearing the applauds, not seeing the smile, not feeling the rush the other students felt.

I just, tried not to yell. Of pain, of anger, of  _frustration_.

I sat down at a free seat at the end of the table and distantly followed the sorting. 

I kept thinking about the huge load of trouble I was in. I shot a quick glance around the room and saw that a bushy brown haired girl was sitting not too far from me, and two red-haired twins were a few seats farther. I recognized Hermione Ganjie and the Weasley twins, though I couldn't spot Ron or Harry anywhere.

A quick look among the first years that hadn't been sorted yet revealed a red-haired girl that pointedly didn't look at the twins. That must be Ginny.

_Well, that places me in the second year then. Is it 1982 in the book? Wait, no, most probably 1992. Yeah, I think that's it. 1992. I'm in 1992._

I had jumped 25 years backward. 25 years.

I wasn't even born yet.

I tried to hold back my tears as I suddenly realized everything I had left behind me, my life, my family, my friends, and quickly diverted myself from this fangerous line of thoughts.

If I remembered correctly, then the whole deal with Voldemort coming back to life and creating havo

c everywhere in his path wouldn't happen before at least two years.

This should give me enough time to leave this place, right? 

_And abandon all these people to a horrible death?_

No. Yes. Maybe. It wasn't my world! It wasn't my life! They- they were all fictional characters! Why should I worry about them?!

_Because they might be real._

I held back a whimper as I saw that I had no easy way out of this, and was thankfully startled out of my thoughts as I heard applause rising from everywhere. Obviously, Dumbledore had finished his welcoming speech.

I considered for a few moments eating something, but I felt a churning in my gut as I did, so I instead went to an upper year to ask to leave.

They directed me toward a prefect who grudgingly took me to the common room, and as soon as that was done rushed back to the Great Hall to enjoy the festivities.

At last, I was alone. Finally. I went to the first year dorm I had been shown, and found myself not knowing which of the beds was mine. None of these trunks reminded me of anything.

This time, I did let out a cry of frustration as I understood I would have to crouch to check the name on each of those trunks to see which was mine. And I better have one I would kill someone and steal their things.

I began with the first on my left –still slightly grumbling –  and was pleased to see I wouldn't have to rummage through those luggage as the name "Nathalie Frusher" could be read. Probably the best news of the day. I inspected the three trunks one after the other, and arriving at the bed close to the wall, I saw that a name was written on the trunk's handle, and thank the heavens,  it was mine.

I opened it, and saw a few of my childhood's stuff, such as my stuffed bunny or even a dress I had never worn, not finding the occasion to do so. I also found some stuff I had been given long after my eleventh anniversary, but I dismissed it all as I saw the little note attached to the handle:

_Alex._

_I think you ought to know why you're here. Still, I cannot tell you this as you have to make your own way in this world, and never should you receive my help or hear about me again. You have to accept that if you are here, it is because you have been accorded a second chance, and if you succeed you will be able to rejoin us. But I already said too much. So, I will wish you good luck Alex. I hope you will succeed._

_\- A friend._

To say that I was confused was a huge understatement. But I was tired, and if there was one thing I didn't want to do it was thinking too hard. And even if I had, I probably wouldn't have been able to do it.

So, I changed, not bothering to unpack my things yet, held my bunny tight to my chest, and finally let go of the tears that had been threatening to spill out since the start of the evening.

I had lost everything.

 

 


	2. Run in in the hallway

I was waken by an alarm I didn't remember having set. I sleepily looked at the clock on my bedside table, and fell out of bed.

I was late for work! I should have left more than half an hour ago!

"Damnit! Where are my cloth-... Wait, where the hell am I?" I wondered, having a look at the room I was in.

Then I remembered. And was horrified to realise it hadn't been a dream like I had hoped it was. It really had happened. I had to go through highschool's hell another time, this time with noseless big bad guys and magic to make bullying more efficient.

"Great. Just great."

"Urgh, shut up!" Said a girl in a nearby bed. "I want to sleep!"

 _I would have loved to sleep more too sweetie, believe me_. I thought as a headache started appearing.

Giving up on this far away dream, I took out my robes which now wore Gryffindor's colors, some clothes, and went to shower and dress in the bathroom.

I came out ten minutes later with wet hair, cursing the absence of a hairdryer in my trunk. Whoever had prepared it obviously didn't know a girl's needs, regardless of the age or the world.

I went downstairs, hurrying so that I may be able to follow some other students to the Great Hall, not remembering the way there. I was lucky enough to see a group of what must be fifth years boys leaving the common room, and hurried behind them with a content pace.

I was rather glad to be only eleven somehow, because one of these boys was really hot, and if I had been three or four years older I would probably have been giggling madly by the time we arrived to the Great Hall. Or, just, immediatly after seeing him.

But no. When we arrived there, I was completely normal. My hormones felt right once again.

What a great feeling.

I sat at the far end of the table and took a pancake with chocolate, happy to see my cup filled with earl grey tea. I ate it all, my childhood appetites coming back, and had just finished when I saw girls from my dorm come over.

"-Hello, said a light brown haired one. I am Nathalie Frusher. And here are my friends Alice and Jessie Portman." She said as she pointed two blond haired girls who looked alike. Probably sisters.

"-Hello", I said in a shy voice. I was not good at social interaction. "I am Alex. Alex Crest. Nice to meet you."

"Can we sit with you?" Asked the one called Jessie. The snoring one, from what I could recall from the night.

"Er yeah, I would love to." I replied, trying my damnest not to look awkaward -and ultimately failing.

They sat around me and started talking, my poor little self being too uneasy to join the conversation.

They chatted like this for a time, myself barely paying attention (though I did try) when a blond guy from our year with a camera entered the Great Hall. I wouldn't have paid him much attention if he hadn't immediately ran to Harry, beaming at him and squeaking like a fangirl.

 _Looks like I met Colin_ _Crivey_ _._  I thought with a smile. The boy had such an angelic face I had to hold back a coo when I saw him excitedly talking to the Boy-Who-Lived.

And hold back a frown when Ron asked him to "piss off"

And hold back a smile when Hermione reprimanded him.

"-Er... Alex, are you okay? You keep making weird faces..."

"Huh what?" I said, waking up. "Ah, er... Sorry, I just... Uhm, it's nothing. Don't worry about it." I said, shaking my head with an awkward smile. "I have... Er... Facial tics."

The other girls stared at me for a few seconds before going back to chatting.

 _Facial tics? Really Alex? Was that all you could think of?_  I mentally facepalmed.

I was still fighting the urge to bang my head on the table when Professor Mc.Gonnagal walked to the table, giving pieces of parchment to the students as she went.

"Ladies, here are your timetables" said the professor with a thin smile as she gave the parchment after lightly hitting them with her wand.

I immediatly took a look at them while the surrounding brats went back to pointless chat.

I started with herbology, then transfiguration and history, and in the after-noon we had flying lessons – I dreaded those, like, I  _really_  didn't want to go.

I was relieved to see that I wouldn't have potion until the next day, but unfortunately, it would be two hours long and right after breakfast. I... Didn't really want to see professor Snape just now. First, because I feared he would be worst than I remembered. Second, he could _read_ _minds_. Like, who in their right mind, when possessing knowledge about the future, wanted to have a genius-mastermind-slytherin-plotter diving into their thoughts? Noone. Noone did.

I grabbed an apple and a pancake, and hurried toward the doors of the Great Hall, a headache starting to form. Damn, were those brats noisy.

I swiftly but quickly left the Great Hall, and just as I turned a hallway, I stumbled into a bright redhead whom I knocked on her feet.

"Sorry! Are you alright?" I asked as I kneeled next to the girl, immediatly checking for any injuries.

I startled as I recognized the person in front of me, who immediatly started to speak way too quickly:

"No, don't worry I'm fine, it was my fault... I woke up too late and now I have to go to the Great Hall to eat but I'm afraid that there won't be anything left anymore because my brother told me that they stopped serving food at 8:45 and it was 8:37 when I left the dorms and I'm  _sure_  I missed the timetables distribution because it is at 8:35 and now I don't know where I have classes and I'm not going to be able to eat, and I'm starving and-"

"Whoa whoa! Hey,  _breath_! You know, breathing is essential for the human body. Now, if you want to eat" I said, glancing at the so yummy piece of pancake in my hand "you can have this. And the apple too if you want, I guess." I reluctantly handed them out to Ginny. "And... we're in the same year, and house, so you can make a copy of my timetable if you want. Okay? Now. Do you happen to know where greenhouse three is? We have herbology first, and I don't have even the slightest idea of where that castle's exit is."

She stared at me for a few seconds while munching her -  _my_  - pancake, and after swallowing said with a bright smile : "We can ask one of my brothers! And they might even copy your timetable so that we can both have one!"

"Er..." Well now, fraternizing might not be a good idea. Now that I thought about it, being friendly with Ginny would _definitely_ , _absolutely_ ,  _not_  be a good idea,. I mean, the girl was GOING TO BE A VICTIM OF ONE OF VOLDEMORT'S BLOODY HOCRUX!!!

"Nah, after thinking about it, I'll just give you my timetable right now, you go to whomever you want to ask for help, you don't ever talk to me again, and I'm just gonna find that greenhouse on my own."

"Wh-what?! But, but why? I mean, you were nice and..."

"Forget it. I made a mistake. Just... Just don't take it personally. Bye!"

I ran off, hoping that the redhead wouldn't follow me or whatever and started walking with long strides, looking for a way out of the damn castle.

 **Great, so now you're acting like an ass just because you're afraid you might get into trouble. You're a coward.** **Damnit** **, since you know what is gonna happen you could even save her!**

_I'm not supposed to intervene._

**Who cares? You could help billions of lives!**

_This wouldn't be_  right.  _They did it on their own once. They can do it twice._

**Or maybe you're just a coward who doesn't want to have to bear responsability in case she messes up! Are you really capable to let them all suffer just because you're afraid?**

I slowed my pace at that thought, and after taking a long breath, slowly turned and reluctantly walked back to where Ginny still stood, gaping.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. "I... I woke up on the wrong foot. Let's go see your brother."

She eyed me for a moment, probably confused at my lunatic behaviour, before slowly nodding and heading to the Great Hall where, apparently, there was still food. At that, a look of realisation crossed Ginny's face as she realized her brothers -if I had to take a guess I would say it's the Weasley twins- had made fun of her.

With a resigned look I took another piece of pancake and apple and followed Ginny toward Ron and the others.

Colin Crivey was still hovering around them, looking at Harry with eyes full of admiration. I couldn't fight the urge to ruffle his hair. He was just too cute, and boys are always shorter than girl at that age.

Ron eyed me suspiciously and for a moment. Be it because of my friendly behaviour toward Colin or my ruffled hair, -the lack of hair-dryer to be bamed for that- I didn't know. I waited for Ginny to speak up, but I realized it was quite hopeless when I saw her wearing a nice shade of red on her face.

 _Right_.  _Ginny is in love with Harry. I had forgotten._

Well, guess I would have to make use of my awesome social skills then.

"Er..." I said with eloquence. "Ginny missed the timetables distribution, and since we're in the same class, she suggested we come to to you to get a copy of it. Like, you could maybe, I don't know, replicate it?"

"Why don't you just ask Percy?" Answered Ron, obviously annoyed that I had dared to interrupt his blessed breakfast. "He's prefect after all, it's his job."

Hermione elbowed him - harshly from Ron's little gasp and look of pain- and, with a smile, took the timetable and replicated it. I was pretty sure it was a spell meant for higher classes but, well, she had been able to cast  _alohomora_  in her first year, so...

I quickly thanked her and left before Harry could notice me in any form or way. I still didn't know what my being here would bring, and I didn't want to get him into anymore trouble than he already had. Really, if I wasn't stuck in that small body, I would follow him everywhere to make sure he doesn't hurt himself somehow. And Ginny too. And Colin. And Drago. And- goddamn it, this place was just way too dangerous for kids to live in. I swear, if I listened to myself I would use a time-turner and follow every goddamn student in here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thank you for the kuddo(s) and reading, it's already 63 hits in 10 days, so thanks ;p
> 
> Yeah, I do suck both at summaries and author notes. Please just bear with me.
> 
> And leave comments and kuddos X)
> 
> Also, this chapter is shorter, but, well, length will vary between 1200 and 2500 words mostly, but I try to always go beyond 1200 words so don't worry.
> 
> PS: I reedited it, like, corrected small typos errors and changed a few sentences to make it better. Nothing as drastic as the first chapter.


	3. The plants have something against me... Or is it me?

The day had gone rather smoothly. I almost burnt my begonia or something in herbology - even the teacher was wondering what had exactly happened -we didn't use any kind of magics transfiguration, simply learnt the rules - as a child, I hated rules, but, growing up, I learnt that really, a good set of rules couldn't hurt anybody - and, well, I had never found history interesting, but the lesson we had with professor Binns was rather interesting. Well, not the lesson itself mind you, but I passed the whole period wondering how transparent he was exactly, how old he could have been when he died, how lon he has been... Er, dead, and how exactly he could make it so difficult for me to keep my eyes open!

So yeah, a rather good day. At least until the flying lesson. A flying lesson I was currently having. And God, must I look pathetic.

At first, when we had to make our little brooms fly by yelling "Up" like retards, my broom decided that, no, since he didn't like me, he wouldn't go up. Until he changed his mind for  _'let's just go on rampage and fly everywhere but in Alex's hand!'_

Mrs. Bibine had to go pick it up in a tree herself.

Once I had my broom back, and, thank God,  _up_ , I could then mount it. But, just mount. It- ... It didn't want to move you see.

Again, I had to call Mrs. Bibine for help. She asked me to dismount to change broom but my legs were too short to reach the ground. Yep, I was qiute gifted at that, really.

I just tried very hard to ignore the other students' snickers and how well Ginny was doing. I got to say, I was jealous of her. As a child, I had always wondered how amazing it would be to fly up in the air, and here I was, unable to even get off the ground on my own.

In the end, I just sat down and watched the lesson go by. At the end of the period, I was rather glad I hadn't gone up in the air to fly. A seven feet high fall looked rather painful, wizards being more solid than muggle or not.

When the teacher finally called the students down, Ginny immediately ran to me, cheeks flushed and excited grin painted on her face.

"Alex! Alex, did you see me? Ha! That was awesome, I love it! I'm soo looking forward to next week!"

"Me too Ginny" I aswered with a chuckle, now unable to be angry at her. She was just too cute. "You were amazing up there. A real bird. You should try to become seeker next year. Uh, wait, forget it. Don't. That's way too dangerous. Why did I even suggest it to you? I'm just so damn stupid, seriously, and actually, never get on a broom, ever again, you may be very good, but you never know what could happen to you, just imagine what would happen if someone were to crush into you and you both fell to your death!»

I only realised I had gone on  _'protective mom_ ' mode when I saw how Ginny looked at me.

"You really sound like my mom you know?"

"Urgh, please... Don't talk about it." I groaned, annoyed at my maternal instincts. I had never even have kids!

"Alright, how about I talk about how you killed that plant in herbology then?" Grinned Ginny.

Now, that was way under the belt.

 _"Almost_  killed the plant. It makes all the difference you know."

"Yeah, you're right." She said, faking a contrite air. "The first makes you a murderer while the second only makes you a moron."

"Oh, I'm so gonna kill you." I said, holding back a laugh while Ginny started running in front of me, holding back nothing at all.

____________

 

We had already been given an essay in transfiguration: we had to list all the rules and explain their necessity. I was rather happy, I couldn't write any stupid stuff that way. Ginny, on the contrary, was rather pissed: both because we had been given an essay to write on the first day and because it was so "boring".

She was so totally Ron's sister.

We raced to the common room and, maybe I sucked at herbology, but I sill won that race. I waited for Ginny to climb the last set of stairs with a smug smile and sang a little " I~ Woon~", ignoring Ginny's mumbling about how it was cheating to fake hurt or whatever. Such a sore loser that kid.

We entered the common room, and there, carelessly, were seated the golden trio.

Why did Ron stare at me like this?... He was the creepy one here, not me. Okay, my hair was totally going berserk from the run, but well, I was eleven, I could have my hair done anyway I wanted.

Wait, where was Ginny?

I looked around for her, afraid that she was somewhere hiding under a table, but actually she was just pestering at her brothers for having played that trick on her at breakfast and yelling things like "I swear, when mom hears about that you're gonna get screwed!"

Thinking that she strangely sounded a lot like malfoy junior, I decided to help the twins.

"Ginny, you might want us to work on that essay rather than yelling at your brothers." I said as I walked closer, nonchalantly looking at an odd looking painting on the wall. Was that a nose? Or a wing perhaps?

"What? Oh, right, the transfiguration essay. Yeah, I'll go get my books, I left them in the dorm at lunch break."

And with that, she left me alone with the twins. Shite.

"Hey there kid, thanks for saving us, she is a real furry when she's angry." Said Fred, winking.

"I didn't do this for you you know. We really need to do this essay, and she's gonna need my help. She's been laughing the whole hour."

"Laughing in class?" Said Fred.

"Ginny?" Said George.

"How so?" Said... One of them. Or both. I don't know

"Er... Some... Incident I've had in herbology. Anyway, see ya boys, gotta work now."

With that I went to Ginny, grateful that I escaped the twin's mockery for now. Ginny and I started working on our essay, and I had to fight against myself in order not to lose my temper when she asked things like "What's wrong with transfiguring things into food?" "How could we even transfigure a bomb into air?" "Your examples are so lame." "I wanna eat a cookie... Do you wanna eat a cookie?"

"No Ginny, I don't want to eat a cookie. I just... Want to finish the one essay we have to do and that we've already been on for the past thirty minutes, and only wrote  _five inches_. Seriously, we're supposed to write twenty inches in half an hour! ... Wait, forget it, I forgot we were only eleven." I sighed.

"How could you even forget that?"

"I'm just tired, it's been an... Excruciating day for me 'Kay?"

"Yeah. Poor plant and broom." Said Ginny, looking at her paper with a poorly dissimulated grin.

"When will you stop with that?" I groaned and dropped my head on the table in despair, cursing as I ruined the ink on my paper. And Ginny laughing madly next to me. The sadist.

Well, back to square one.

__________

I woke up early next morning, clutching at my comforter. I had had some kind of nightmare during the night, but I couldn't quite remember what it was. Something about Snape's death, putting a curse on me for not helping him.

 _Well, such a joyful morning_  I thought bitterly as I got out of my bed, too agitated to go back to sleep.

My clock read 6:24 am, breakfast would be served in a few minutes. I dressed and, not able to let go of my bunny, brought it with me to the Great Hall where noone was up yet. Looks like nobody wanted to get up early at the beginning of the year. Not even teachers were present. I took a cup of earl grey tea, alone in the huge room, and left for the gardens.

The sun was barely up, and there was a very thin mist in the air, probably due to the lake as it hadn't rained this night. Or perhaps it was just magic. I wondered if all the weather was magically chosen in advance, or if we had the same weather as the lands around.

I would have to ask the Headmaster. He would probably answer with some lame explanation about magical lemondrops but it was better than nothing.

I sat down on the grass, my back rested on a tree, and took my wand out of my pocket to look at it. Most the children here would remember their first experience in magic with the acquisition of their wand. I didn't have that memory. I had never felt the slight apprehension as Olliver would hand you a wand, and the disappointment coming when the wand wouldn't react to you, or react wrong. Nor would I feel the proud gaze of my parents after finding the good one, or the pride that I would feel, parading in Diagon Alley with my wand at my side, like I would wear a sword.

These feelings were... Unknown to me. Well, not really unknown, but I still wouldn't get to experience them. My introductoin to magic had just been incomprehension, confusion, fear and loss..

I inspected my wand, wondering if it was exceptional or something. It was a rather heavy wood, with a dark color, almost black but not quite. It would be easy to brandish it in quick moves, the tip being slightly heavier than the base, and the middle being the heaviest part of the wand, giving it good balance.

 _A_ _dueler's_ _wand_

I would have to ask professor Flitwick to show me his, as from what I remembered he had been a rather great duelist in his time.

I was practising a few moves with my wand, mainly trying to point it the fastest way possible to a plant (it would seem I hold a grudge against those) when I heard a ruffle.

"Who's there?" I yelped, looking around me, suddenly panicked for some reason. "I warn you, I- I am armed!"

I silently cursed myself for stuttering, and for yelling such a poor threat. I was a goddamn first year on her second day at Hogwarts and who had never,  _never_  used a wand before. Really, who would ever be afraid of me?

I looked down as I felt something brush against my feet, startled. It was the plant I had been pointing at earlier. It... Danced?

I crouched down, confused, wondering if I had been the one doing it unconsciously or if someone else had done it so I would think the ruffle had come from the plant.

Well, now I knew, I was becoming paranoid. Great. I only needed that.

I picked up my bunny, kissed it on the forehead to reassur emyself, and ran to the castle, somewhat wanting to get the hell out of here.

That had often happened to me before, the urgent feeling that I was being followed, and that nothing good would come out of me staying where I was.

I had tried to ignore it as I got older, but sometimes it felt so oppressing that I would have to run to my house, or to my workplace, or anywhere I could, not being able to bear this feeling of being in danger, and unable to stop it but by getting to "safety".

I looked at the huge clock in the entrance hall and saw that it was 8:20. I had stayed so long outside, and I hadn't even realised it. I went to the Great Hall to find Ginny eating, and I quickly went to seat next to her.

"Alex, where were you?!" She chided as she saw me. "I woke up at 8:00 but you were already up, so I hurried to come here, but you wasn't here either!"

"It's 'you  _weren't_  here either', and I had just gone to take a walk, no need to yell like this." I absent-mindedly answered.

"And you take walks with your bunny? Really?" she deadpanned.

I blushed as I remembered he was here, and I quickly hid him in my bag, apologising for the discomfort.

"You should stop apologising to inanimate objects, you look crazy." Said Ginny as she stuffed a piece of apple pie in her mouth.

"I apologise to whomever I want, and Sunny isn't any inanimate object; he's been my best friend for decades."

"Decades? We're only eleven!"

"O- Of course I know! Anyway, what classes do we have today?" I said, avoiding the subject.

"Uhm... First we have double-potion, then Charms, and on the afternoon we have Defence against the dark arts, and that's all. We finish one hour sooner today." She said, smiling. "I'm soo looking forward to Dada."

"Uhm... Why would you- Oh, it's because of professor Lockhart right?" I said as I looked to the teacher's table to see the Buffon trying to flirt with the arithmancy teacher. Couldn't he see that he wore a wedding ring? Urgh...

"I know right, he's just so talented and soo handsome."

"Okay, you wipe that silly smile off your face or I'll have to do it myself, got it? And handsome? Really? He looks like the result of a horse that tried to copulate with a cow and actually copulated with a goat."

"You really have no taste darling but you know what? I don't mind, I can have all the hot guys that way." Giggled Ginny, not realising that she had been slightly offensive.

Me? No taste with boys? Huh, I was the one drooling over hot guys since I was thirteen.

I really felt ashamed right now. But I do have good taste! And at least  _my_  hormones weren't going haywire at eleven only. Nevermind that once they do I would become the craziest fangirl this world has yet to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not satisfied with this chapter... But, well, hope you'll like it anyway. Also, the chapters are written in advance, but only up to chapter five, so updates may become slightly more sporadics. Sorry about that ^^"
> 
> PS: Hey, like for the other chapters, slight reedit.


	4. Impartiality and Incompetence, which is worse?

After breakfast, Ginny and I headed down to the dungeons for our first potion lessons.

We were both apprehensive, but not quite for the same reasons. Ginny was anxious to meet the bat-like professor while I  _dreaded_ my meeting with the teacher who could read minds.

I reminded myself one last time that I was to never cross Dumbledore's, Snape's or even Voldemort's gaze as long as the war wasn't finished. I just couldn't risk it.

Some people would think that having Dumbledore knowing what would happen wasn't that bad but... It would only comfort him that his plan of having Harry killed was the right course, and what if he wasn't pleased to have himself dying? That old bastard could just as well decide to change it, and actually damage the course of events even further that I would. Because I wasn't naive, nor was I stupid. I knew I would change the course of events, perhaps willingly, perhaps unknowingly, but I would change it. Both my presence and my knowledge of the future made it... Inevitable. It was fatality.

We reached the classroom where the rest of the class was cheerfully chatting. Man, they were gonna die so hard... When Ginny saw that I was determined to stay silent, she went to talk with the other girls from our year, Jennifer or something... Wow, I had never realised how much I didn't care about my classmates other than Ginny, and Colin who was just too adorable for me not to care. Perhaps a little bit too annoying, like, he really should stop screeching in my ear that he met Harry Potter.

I leaned on the wall, patiently waiting for professor Snape to come, knowing that we still had a few minutes wait. Good thing too because some students were still missing.

I looked at Ginny, carelessly chatting with her friends. The girl didn't know what was lying ahead of her. She didn't know how much of a wreck she would be by October, and I didn't dare imagine how mentally this whole thing would affect her. From the books, she didn't keep a too damaging scar but, well, apart from her romace with Potter, the books weren't really focusing on her.

At least this time around I would be here to make things easier for her. I closed my eyes as I sighed, letting my head fall back. I was getting a headache. I had been thinking too much this morning. I guess eleven years old aren't supposed to use their brain too much. I briefly wondered if I had kept my mental abilities from my adult self or was back with my eleven year old ones, but unfortunately, my thoughts were interrupted by someone clearing their throat and the rest of the students suddenly shutting up.

I lifted one eye open and scrambled back in a standing upright position when I saw that professor Snape was standing in front of us. I looked right back at my feet when I remembered my thought from earlier, hoping I wouldn't look weird. Would it make me suspicious if I were not to look at him  _at all_? Surely not, Neville was so afraid of him that he would never dare to look at him... But then, I wasn't really the Neville type so...

I urgently followed my classmates as they entered the classroom, silently cursing myself for not listening to what Snape had said.

Well, let's just hope it wasn't anything important.

I went to sit next to Ginny, at the far end of the classroom in the right side, when I bitterly noticed that Slytherin and Gryffindor had immediately separated in two sides.

Well, I didn't like it. Seeing that there was a spare table opposite Ginny's, I went to sit there, and waved for Ginny to come with me, which she did reluctantly.

 _I love to break other people's old habits_  I thought smugly while the whole classroom was staring at me like I was some kind of talking slug. I realised my mistake when Snape also started to look at me. I immediately took my things out of my bag, pointedly ignoring his look. Good work on trying to stay unnoticed Alex.

«I am the professor Severus Snape, and I will be your potion professor for, unfortunately, the next five years, seven for the best of you.» He said in a cold voice, that yet seemed soft, like icy water. Cold to the touch, but that would flow around you without really disturbing you. So... Strange.

«I want you to understand that I won't have any ignorant and clumsy children dirty the art of potions, and even if I can't banish you from my classroom without the headmaster's disapproval, I can still severely punish failure and incompetence.» He let his gaze trail on every face, and I let mine trail on my oh-so interesting table as soon as I realised what he was doing. He was boring his cold, dark eyes into every one of our own, less impressive eyes. I doubted je would invade his students' privacy by reaching into their mind, but I wasn't prepared to risk it.

He then started telling us that we wouldn't brew anything today but that we better pay attention because we would learn the instructions, for next week's potion.

The lesson went slowly, some Gryffindors losing house points for chatting while the Slytherins were so not obviously chatting without receiving some kind of punishment. I decided to just accept it, because there was no changing who Snape was. He was a jerk. But at least he wouldn't go on rampage and kill everyone just for fun, or turn his back to the whole world on denial that the dark lord had returned, so I guess he really wasn't one of this world's worst persons.

All the while, Ginny was quietly fuming next to me, and she practically burst of anger as soon as we were out of the classroom. Like spontaneous combustion.

«-I can't believe it! How can Dumbledore let that bastard be so... So...

-Biased?

-Exactly! So biased! That's revolting!

-Yeah, yeah, but please, don't speak so loud. That "bastard" could have very good hearing for all we know." I said, trying not to laugh. I could almost see smoke coming out of Ginny's ears.

-You don't understand it, but he's been doing that for decades!

-Well, let me think... He must have come out of Hogwarts at eighteen, he has a degree in potion, so he must have at least studied two years to have it, which would make him at best twenty when he entered as a professor, assuming he's come here right after, and he looks around... Well... 32? So, at best, he's been doing that for one decade and a few years, not decade _s_." I said with a smug smile, still amused by Ginny's outburst.

-Oh come on, it's just like when you say that you've had that stupid rabbit for decades, it's just a way of speech.

-Hey, it's not a rabbit, it's a bunny, got it?

-What's the difference anyway? Huffed Ginny.

-Bunnies are way cuter than rabbits." I said, looking serious. Well, for a moment at least. I burst into laughter when I saw the look of utter disbelief on Ginny's face. Kids really were too funny. "Anyway, hurry your ass before we're late to Charms.»

Ginny followed me, still grumbling about how horrible that man was and how 'it was a dishonour to every person to ever have served as a Hogwarts teacher to let him maintain his position'. Personally I thought that letting Voldemort, then an imposter, then a death eater, then a frog tyrant be teachers here was much more of a dishonour but, well, to each person their opinion. Did I mention a ghost?

We got to Charms without any stitch, but once we got there, Ginny remembered she had forgotten her book in the dorms.

«-Seriously? I asked. You couldn't, I dunno, remember it when we were on the way here?

-I'm sorry, just please tell the professor I'll be late, I promise I'll hurry.

-Hmf, whatever», I sighed as she ran in the opposite direction.

I entered the classroom alone and sat near the window, not too much in front and not too much in the back, the way Ginny liked it.

When the teacher passed next to me to go and close the door, I warned him of Ginny's late arrival, which he acknowledged with a smile and a nod.

He started the lesson and Ginny showed up a few minutes later, looking breathless. She quickly presented her excuse to Mr. Flitwick for interrupting class and came back to sit next to me.

«Did you loose yourself somewhere? I asked. It took you years to come back!

-I'm sorry, I had to look for my book everywhere, I couldn't find it. Whispered Ginny back to me.

-Yeah, and let me guess. It was under you bed?

-Under my pillow, but well, you got the idea.»

I slowly shook my head, amused by Ginny's sense for order – not that mine was any better – and concentrated on the lesson.

A hard thing to do when your class neighbour and friend keeps poking you in the arm to get you to "just do something!" with her.

...

What I feared would happen did happen. What could it be you ask? Voldemort bursting into Hogwarts, yelling that thanks to my venue in this world, fate had been disrupted, allowing him to come back to life and kill everyone? No, much worse. The Headmaster going berserk and deciding that I was some kind of trash that should be eliminated before further damage to the timeline happened? Again, my friends, you are wrong.

No, what it much worse than even those two things uniting, can be resumed in one word. Lockart.

The man was an imbecile for god's sake! He- he just wasn't fit to be anything! I could notice seven -seven!- grammar mistakes in his speech in the first ten freaking minutes of lesson; the man was almost incapable of writing anything other than his name - for autographs you see - and was so full of himself my head was about to explode for him!

The man was so not fit to be teacher, weither the frigging post was cursed or not.

Oh, Tom, if I ever have a semblance of a conversation with you, this will be my main reproach, believe me. What did you go and curse a goddamn teaching post for? Think about these poor, young and innocent victims of yours –me being a part of them! No, really, the guy went to far here.

And naive, naive little Ginny next to me who would blush each time he even looked in our general direction. It was hell on earth. And if it wasn't that, then it was  _worse_. It must be.

At one point a student asked a question about werewolves - why would that kid even ask that? We were in first year! - and how they managed to reproduce.

Lockart, always the utter fool, was unable to answer the question - never mind that he _saved_  some village from a horde of werewolves - and oh-so smartly disguised his lack of knowledge by sending the question back to the students.

Were some girl of the name of Hermione Granger around us, I would not have bothered, but the question being met with only silence, I pitied the poor child who would never get his answer otherwise and stood up, reciting what I knew on the subject.

«Werewolves, appart from once a month at full moon, are very much in almost every way as human as we are, which makes them able to reproduce like we do. As such, when a child is born from two werewolves parents, will be every bit a werewolf as his parents are.

They have another way of perpetuating the race though, but they can only use it when they transform into a wolf, and it should not be advised that it is used, as, for a first argument, the individual is not in full capacity of himself, indeed, he does not always have full control of his actions and in many cases don't realise what he is doing until he goes back to his human form.

Also, it can be seen as a very cruel act. Indeed, the bite, by which the "curse" for a lack of better word, spreads, is very painful as is the change it provokes in the body soon after. To make a human into a werewolf is also a very cruel thing to do because, even without the physical pain caused by the turn, the changes that come into the victim's life are still radical, and it is forcing a person into a style of life that they are not used to, and do not wish for.

As such, the pacifist werewolves will often try to isolate themselves during this time of the month, afraid of what they might do once they have lost control of their actions. These werewolves shouldn't be mistreated, or seen badly for what they are, because you have to understand that it is not by choice that they are what they are. It was forced upon them, either by the law of heredity or by the deed of another. You shouldn't hate someone when all they really want is to protect you from themselves.»

I let a short silence follow my speech, quite proud that I could also slip in a little lesson of moral. With luck, they would remember it next year after professor lupin's coming out as a werewolf.

«Well now, that was cool. Remember me to ask you for some private lessons later on» whispered Ginny, to which I responded with a little smile.

Later during the lesson, I would throw a huge middle finger Lockhart's way after having him _winking_  at me.

That asshole was going to pay. One day, he was.

______________________

After that, the weeks passed rather quickly and soon halloween was only two weeks from us.

We were heading to dinner after studying for a herbology essay (may I say that I hadn't gone any better in that subject?) but once in front of the Great Hall I decided to let Ginny enter the room alone while I decided I would go to the kitchen to pick something to eat. I was not really in the mood to eat with the other students - the brats were infuriatingly noisy this evening.

In my way there I thought about Ginny. More precisely, about our friendship. We had only spent a few weeks together, but it seemed that we were good on our way to become... Well, best friends, if I dare say. What a strange thought for me, an adult who had always been the lonely type - and not always by choice - to become best friends with an eleven year old child who would be a big part in the following event that would mark the fate of this world for quite a time.

My lips stretched in a smile as I considered the irony of the situation, all the while singing a song from my past life.

My new childhood was changing me, ever so slightly.


	5. Merry Halloween

Ginny entered the common room in a bad mood, fuming. _Literally_. Behind her was Percy, who kept asking her to forgive him, saying that he had done that for her because he was worried. 

I hid a smile as I realized that Percy had taken her to Madam Pomfrey to take a pepper-up potion. These last few days, people kept catching cold, and I have to say that I too was worried. She seemed very tired, and pale --Well, usually at least, because right now, she was probably as scarlet as her hair. It probably wasn't because of a cold though. These days, she kept sleeping less and less, always looking behind her shoulder, getting very jumpy... It wasn't the her I knew. Not the cheerful kid that loved making fun of me. I feared that in the following days, her state would only get worse.

I resumed my lecture and soon after, the sofa I was on dropped with a 'huff'. 

"You know, it sucks to be the only girl in the family. Not only because you're their favorite victim, but also because, when they're not determined to make your life hell, they are just _way_ too overprotective. Like really. Unless it's some sort of vicious plot piss me off even more".

"Language." I chided her.

"Yeah, whatever" she said with a dismissing wave. "Do you have siblings? I mean, you never talk about you or your family".

I stayed silent at that, wondering. It was now almost two months since I was here, and even longer since I had last seen my family. Funny how you wouldn't miss someone until you knew you may never see them again. And, if I were to stay here for the rest of my life, how would I do for the summer holidays? I still didn't know why it seemed normal for everyone that I was here, and I didn't know if that was because I had stolen someone's life, or if the reason was just, well, magic.

I was startled out of my thoughts when a hand passed several times in my field of view.

"Uhm, Alex?" Said Ginny, looking worried, when I turned back to her. "You alright? You just... I don't know, spaced out."

"Uh, yeah, I know I'm sorry. I was just thinking. Anyway," I said, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "Well, I'm muggleborn, as you - stop laughing - probably realized.We wer- are a family of seven. I have a big sister who is two years older than me, a little brother who is four years younger, a little sister eight years younger, and then a -..." I stopped myself. I _had_ a a brother that was fifteen years younger, but... I was supposed to be only eleven. "And our cat. Its name is Neptune". The cat had been dead for decades, but was still alive when I was eleven, so I added him to the picture.

I felt my throat tighten again when I realized I would never see my beloved siblings anymore, but I kept a smile on my face. Better not alarm Ginny. 

That was probably why I had gotten so attached to her and Colin. My younger brother was only eight, and I was really fond of him. He was cute in the same way that Colin was, always wondering, finding things amazing and with stars in his eyes... Ginny, in a way, was also a lot like my sister. Always cheerful, energetic, but also quickly annoyed had that little bit of sass that made her mock you gently...

I blinked, realizing that I has spaced out again, but Ginny seemed to be thinking too, her nose scrunched up in that cute way that made her freckles dance across her cheeks.

"You have a family of six," she said "the cat deosn't count-, and you're the only witch? That's crazy. And oddly rare."

"Is it? Who knows. Maybe I was adopted then."

"Yeah, you're probably Malfoy's long lost twin sister." she snickered.

"Ginny! I'm not even blond, how would that be possible!" I faked offense. "And I can't be in your family either, since I'm no red hair."

"Yeah, perhaps you're just a simple muggleborn."

"Is that blood purism I hear from you?"

"What? My two best friends are muggle-born, and I belong in a family of 'blood traitors'" she said, mimicking quotation marks with her fingers. "There's no way I would care about blood purism."

"Yeah, and it seems that there's also no way for you to do your essay huh?" I said, returning to my book.

"Wait, we have an essay?! Damnit!"

She rushed to the dormitories and came back with quill, parchment, and her charm book - at least she knew the subject- and quickly went to work. 

Colin joined us some fifteen minutes later, and when he saw what Ginny was doing, paled, and did the same actions that Ginny had made fifteen minutes sooner.

I shaked my head, amused at their forgetfulness

________________________________________________________________________________

"Aleeeex" whined Colin. "I can't do my tie properly."

I turned to him, still trying to untangle my hair, and hold back a laugh at Colin's confused face, his hands stuck into his tie full of knots. I had absolutely no idea at how he had gotten it like that, but I had learnt not to question Colin's clumsiness.

I put my hairbrush down and walked over to him to come to his rescue, slightly shaking my head.

Tonight was the night of Halloween, and we were getting ready for the feast. Ginny was sick - or at least pretending to be - and had warned us earlier that she probably wouldn't get out of her bed all evening. When I had come to check on her earlier, her hair were barely peeking out of the covers and she wouldn't answer me. She _had_ gotten extremely pale and thin the days, but I feared that it was no normal bacteria or virus behind her illness. Her refusal to go to Mme Pomfrey was only proof of that.

"Uhm, Alex, aren't you going to change? I mean, we're supposed to dress up as Halloween monsters, remember?" Asked Colin who had stopped checking himself in the mirror. I couldn't blame him for doing that though. He _was_ utterly adorable.

"Tell me Colin", I said, turning toward him. "What am I wearing?"

"Er... Your schoolrobes?" Asked a confused Colin.

"Yes, and what kind of school are we in?"

"A wizarding school."

"And who goes to wizarding schools?"

"Witches and wizards!" Exclaimed Colin, his face brightening as he understood. "But, isn't that cheating?"

"You will learn, my dear, that when you wish to escape dressing up ridiculously, _nothing_ is considered cheating." I said matter-of-factly, smug at my own ingeniosity. I was technically dressing up as a Halloween monster. It just, fortunately enough, also matched my everyday clothing.

"Yeah, I don't know. It kind of evades the point completely. I mean, Leissa's costume is really nice you know..." Mumbled a blushing Colin.

Ah, that boy was too cute.

"In all honesty, I prefer Jenny's. Did you see her hair?" I said, snickering. "I mean, it must have seemed more fashionable in her mind 'cause that's just horrible! Merlin, I'm not even sure such a shade of green exists! Or is it brown?..."

"A little of both I guess. But you shouldn't say things like that. It's mean. You sound like a slytherin."

"Now, Colin, you almost make it sound like an insult." I said, leaving the dorm as Colin trudged behind me.

"It is one. You shouldn't be mean."

"I was merely stating facts." I said absent-mindedly, glancing at the girl's dorms.

Should I go back to check on Ginny? Try to persuade her -again- to come with us maybe?

I glanced back at Colin who was excitedly enumerating all the things he had been told there would be, wondering if the teachers were going to dress up too, what food there would be...

I shaked my head, frowning -I seemed to be doing that a lot these times- and followed Colin out of the common room to get to the Great Hall.

Well, Colin _was_ right, it was wonderful. Elctricity could make up for certain things, but not for flying bats that dropped candies, flying pumpkins that would pop up just behind you to scare you, a ceiling that seemed open on a full moon, and more than anything, baby wizards hexing each other to make friend  and ennemies alike sprout tentacles from their nostrils -nice trick that, I would need to learn it- or baby witches charming their dress to change every minutes.

Yeah, It was quite a nice party, I had to admit. 

_A shame Ginny isn't here to enjoy it, god knows she needs some relaxation these days._

I cast that nagging voice of protectivity and worriness out of my mind and tried to enjoy myself too, between avoiding Lockart who had decided to call me his "second best student after the Boy-Who-Lived, did you hear about her lesson on werewolves?". Merlin help me because  was far from sure I would be able to survive the year if Lockart didn't soon give up. Colin was in an even worse situation than me though. Lockart kept on asking him to take pictures of him. _And he isn't merely as talented as me for avoiding the blond plague by ducking under tables as I am_ , I thought, snickering.

I gently declined the beverage the twins offered me, not trusting the purplish color and the _smell_ , and idly walked from one group to another, mostly listening instead of talking, a few exeptions aside. 

I was having a good time. Though the best part was undoubtly when Angelina coughed the twins drink back in their face an eventuality they didn't seem to have seen coming - not that it made their laugh less cheerful.

I revised my judgment when I saw a proffessor Snape so angry at the blond plague that he almost punched him. Instead he decided to storm off to the other side of the room. I didn't even understant why he came to the feast. It's quite out-of-character for the batlike professor of the dungeons to come to a _party_.

"Ah, poor Severus." Said a voice behind me that, once I had recognized me, filled me with horror and despair. "I guess that he has always had been sweet on me but, well, he's not really my type you see, not that he is not a fine man, but he is just too..."

"Gloomy? Always brooding? Constantly angsty?" I replied to the DADA teacher with a smile. "You can say it professor, our dear potion master may have some qualities such as his genius, there are not always thekind of things that people look for in a boyfriend." 

"Well, yes, quite. Not like me." He said with a wink. Gosh, did I really think that he could be not a narcissist for more than mere seconds? "Anyway, if you will excuse me, I see some fans over there whom are about to scream my name in joy."

I blushed at the inexistant double-meaning I had read in his words as he trudged away. Had he actually done that on purpose or was it just the weird mind of someone in her twenties thinking without having been sollicited?

I held back a sigh as I realized yet again that this dual age of mine would prove troubling quite often and went to find Colin. The party for third years and below would soon be over, and I would rather have him with me for the... event.

I found him about to taste the twins' drink -who had wiped their face by now- and rescued him just as Dumbledore asked the prefect to take the younger students back to their dorm.

I placed myself and Colin at the back (I didn't want him to see the writings) when the groups set out for the hallways, and tried not to look too nervous. I shouldn't have eaten tonight, my whole being felt like I was about to be sick. I kept a smile on my face nonetheless and nodded along Colin's words, not really hearing what he was saying.

When we stopped walking and I heard Filch's cries, I held back a wince when I realized I had forgotten his loss too. As horrible as he may be, he didn't deserve to have his only friend murdered. _No. Not murdered. Paralyzed. She is not dead. Noone dies for now._

I took Colin by the arm as he tried to get to the front to see something, and quickly took him to the stairs to go to the common room.

I only distantly heard Malfoy's "The mudbloods are next!" as we walked and was glad to see that Colin, at least, hadn't heard or seen any of it. At least one of my proteges would get out of it unscarred.

When we finally reached the dorm,I ignored Colin's questions and quickly got him to bed, making sure that he would sleep with the help of a light _somnium_ , and headed to the girls' dorms.

I paused in front of the door the my dorm, and held back a whimper as I realized my hands were trembling. I took a deep calming breath that did nothing to settle my nerves, and entered the room.

"Ginny? Are you here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I did just give you a fucking cliffhanger but, well, bear with me *Niark niark*. Also, I again wanted to thank you for your support because this fic received so much more attention here than on wattpad (where it was originally posted) and to have people aknowledging my work feels just so good >v


	6. A rogue bludger, an arm and a defense professor...

_These days, she kept sleeping less and less, always looking behind her shoulder, getting very jumpy... It wasn't the her I knew. Not the cheerful kid that loved making fun of me. I feared that in the following days, her state would only get worse.  
_

_Ginny was sick - or at least pretending to be - and had warned us earlier that she probably wouldn't get out of her bed all evening.  
_

_When we stopped walking and I heard Filch's cries, I held back a wince when I realized I had forgotten his loss too. As horrible as he may be, he didn't deserve to have his only friend murdered. _No. Not murdered. Paralyzed. She is not dead. Noone dies for now.__

__"The mudbloods are next!"  
_ _

_I took a deep calming breath that did nothing to settle my nerves, and entered the room._

_"Ginny? Are you here?"_

**And now, the conclusion.**

 

For a moment, everything was still. The room was dark, and I couldn't see anyone. 

I started panicking again, wondering what had happened to my Ginny, and a small voice in my head kept telling me that Ginny was dead.

I kept looking for hints of her presence, desperatly trying to ignore that voice, and relief rushed through my veins when, as I got close to the bathroom, I heard sobs. 

It may not be a sign of happiness, but it was a sign that she was alive.

I tried the door but it wouldn't open. So, I gently knocked and said: "Ginny? Hey, Ginny, it's me. Would you open the door? Please?"

For long seconds, I was only met with silence, and began thinking that I would have to charm the lock open. But no, I headr the lock turning from the inside, and the door slowly opened, just slightly, and Ginny peeked at me from the inside.

She was pale as death, and had obviously been crying; her eyes were red and puff, traces of tears marked her cheeks, her hair were completely disheveled and she looked so _frail_ it seemed she would fall unconscious at any moment.

"Oh, Ginny."

As I said her name and opened my arms to her, she rushed in and hugged me tightly, starting to cry uncontrollably. I held her close to me and wished that by taking her in my arms I could take all her pain away. But if a spell to do that existed, I hadn't learned it yet.

We spent long minutes like that, Ginny crying in my arms, and me trying to soothe her to the best that I could, and once she had regaigned some composure, I gently took her by the hand and took her back into the bathroom, locking the door behind us.

We were lucky that no first years had shown up yet, but as soon as the excitment from what happenned in the hallways had died down they would be coming. With great effort, I cast a silencio on the door to prevent others from hearing us. It wasn't a full one, just a half of one, merely to reinforce the one that, for some obscure reason, had been installed since the beginning of the year.

Once I had done so, I looked back to Ginny who seemed way to close to death for me to be comfortable.

I took her hands in mine, and realized with horror that they were coated with blood.

_No, not blood._ I realized. _Paint_.

I shot a look of pity at Ginny as I realized how terrified she must be, with no memory of the evening and her hands red like this...

I fetched a wet towel and gently wiped her hands in it, murmuring comforting words.

"Look, it's not blood, just paint. See how it comes of easily? And how it stays a shiny red? It's paint sweetie, red paint, not blood."

As Ginny realized that I was saying the truth, tears welled up in her eyes again, and started crying again, but much less strongly than before. It was an exhausted cry, not a pained one. It was one that was filled with incomprehension, relief, but also with the knowledge that she was safe now. That someone was taking care of her.

I tried to cleanher the best I could, washed her face and cheeks that were stained with tears, summoned her pajamas from the dorm, changed her into comfortable, dry and clean clothes, and changed into my own pajamas. 

I slowly opened the door, and saw that the girls were all tucked in bed, soundly sleeping.

Ginny was also slowly falling asleep on the wall where she stood, still in the bathroom.

_It's been a long day for us all._

I gently took Ginny from where she was dozing and put her into bed, making sure that she was comfortable.

As I did so, I felt something under the mattress. The diary.

For one moment, I was fully awake again, and furious at that thing, that monster that had hurt my Ginny, and wished for nothing but to see it burn in hell.

But as soon as my hand got close to it, I sensed a rising alarm and it felt like acid rushed in the veins along my arm.

I quickly retreated, and looked at Ginny who was calmly sleeping just above that horror.

_How can she not sense it?_ I thought as I rubbed my arm.

I slowly passed my hand in her hair, and wished her sweet dreams, even if she couldn't hear me. Maybe in her sleep, she would be freed from that monster.

I felt the fatigue of the day rise again, and decided to hop into bed too, as I could use a good night's sleep with some nice dreams to recover. Maybe I had not suffered as much as Ginny, but I was convinced that I would rather have than see that look on Ginny's face when she opened the door what seemed ages ago.

I clutched my bunny, wishing to recieve comfort in the same way I gave some to Ginny, and slowly fell into a deep slumber.

.........

 

I was awoken by the light filtering through the curtains. I stretched myself in my bed as I had always loved to do, and let out a sigh as I rested my head back onto the pillow. 

I felt good. Both rested and refreshed. As if all my troubles had gone with the night. 

I turned to look around the room, and me, Ginny, and Jessie - who was snoring - were the only ones left. The other girls were probably down in the great hall already.

I raised from my bed to go sit on Ginny's, and was pleased to see that the dark ciorcles under her eyes had faded. She still looked pale, and was thinner than she used to be, but at least, right now, she seemed at peace.

I swiftly headed to the bathroom to change, and once I was done, descended to the common room where an excited Colin woke up. Damn, was the kid running on eternal battery?

"Alex! You slept so long! You missed breakfast."

I had missed breakfast? On a _Saturday_? Damn, just _how long had I slept_?

I threw and tempus and groaned as I saw that it was close to 11:30 pm. I had not planned to sleep so long.

Colin handed me an apple that he had picked from breakfast, and I sat down on a couch, thinking. I felt as if I had forgotten something, but I couldn't remember what. Damn, why did I have to be so dumb?!

I ate my apple in silence, listening to Colin's incessant talking (but really, once you got used to it it was almost tolerable), until a sleepy Ginny sat next to me.

"Hey."

"Ginny!" Cried Colin. "You're up! And you're healed! That's awesome!"

"Yeah, it is." I said with a smile. She really seemed better.

She smiled at me warmly, and took the pancake Colin was giving to her, laughing when Colin explained to me that if she had a pancake and not me, that's because I had not been ill.

Didn't stop me from sulking.

We passed the week-end doing a little bit of homework, a little bit of games and exploring the castle.

Nor Colin nor Ginny were happy to go back to school the next monday, but I was grateful for the distraction and familiarity. Finally something to busy myself with.

What I was less grateful for though, was the way everyone was always talking about Quidditch. I hated Quidditch. I loathed Quidditch. I _abhored_ Quidditch. Aside from the fact to see other flying when I couldn't (nope, I hadn't gotten any better at that), I had to admit that the rules were just plain stupid. In what kind of game did the outcome depend on _one_ player? Sure, 'the seeker had to plan when he would catch the snitch', 'it was a strategic move', 'he had to be careful that the gap between your team's score and the ennemy team's wasn't above _150 points!_ ' I mean, really, if what Ginny was saying was true, then sometimes the snitch was caught before a quaffle had even entered a loop! It all seemed like this particular role had only been invented for some random player *cough* Harry Potter *cough* to feel and seem important. 

But, if my memories were right, then there would be an incident with a certain rogue bludger, an arm and a defense professor... That kind of seemed like the beginning of a joke didn't it? "A rogue bludger, an arm and a defense professor were all playing on the Quidditch pit".

Really, I was hilarious. 

"Alex, you should really stop laughing alone in the middle of the hallway." Said Ginny as she saw me laughing, looking like she didn't know if she should grin or despair.

I laughed out loud at her and followed her and Colin toward the Quidditch stands. 

So much noise. This seemed so appealing. Or appaling maybe?

I grinned to myself agin, and reluctantly marched toward the source of all this noise: people.

_Let's go for some unknown lapse of time surrounded by sweaty and noisy teenagers. I'm so looking forward to it._

.........

 

As much as the first part had been extremely boring, as soon as the bludger started going after Harry, I was completely enthralled in the game. Colin kept on hitting my arm, insisting that I should "Stop laughing! It isn't funny!" but I totally disagreed with him. I almost choked of laughter when I saw Harry's face as his arm grew limp.

Hilarious all that, Hi-la-rious.

Colin and Ginny kept worrying together, half crying, half glaring at me who still hadn't stop grinning as if that was the best day of my life -and it sort of was. Really, they had no sens eof humour, no sense at all.

The next day, Ginny woke me up way too early for a Sunday, claiming that since her and Colin were doted of some empathy, unlike others that she wouldn't name - yes indeed, who could she be talking about? - they had decided to go see Harry today in the hospital wing and wish him a quick recovering.

"Aren't you afraid that this is _way too early_?"

"It's 10:30 in the morning Alex". Said Ginny, raising her eyebrows.

"That's exactly what I'm saying" I declared as I threw my blanket over my head. "Waaaay too early."

I heard Ginny sigh and leave, and I blessedly fell back into slumber soon after.

I awoke some time later, my stomach growling, and descended to the common room still in my pajamas -I looked like I was eleven anyway- and stole some food from one of the twins, grinning madly as they chased after me.

We were stopped dead in our tracks when a girl from fourth year barged into the room, yelling: 

"Colin Creevey, the first year with a camera! He is dead, they say he's been found next to the hospital wing!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, what a little bitch I am... But don't worry, I'm an amazing author and I got all the chapters up to chapter 8 already planned, so next chapter will be up next week. I'm sorry that this one is shorter though, but if I had gone farther, it would have been waaay too long, so I had to cut it here, and unfortunately for you, on a cliffhanger.
> 
> I find this to be hi-la-rious personnally.


	7. Chapter 7

**Previously, on To Protect:**

_Nor Colin nor Ginny were happy to go back to school the next monday, but I was grateful for the distraction and familiarity. Finally something to busy myself with._

_as soon as the bludger started going after Harry, I was completely enthralled in the game. Colin kept on hitting my arm, insisting that I should "Stop laughing! It isn't funny!" but I totally disagreed with him. I almost choked of laughter when I saw Harry's face as his arm grew limp.  
_

_The next day, Ginny woke me up way too early for a Sunday, claiming that her and Colin had decided to go see Harry today in the hospital wing and wish him a quick recovering.  
_

_I awoke some time later  
_

_A girl from fourth year barged into the room, yelling:_ _"Colin Creevey, the first year with a camera! He is dead, they say he's been found next to the hospital wing!"_

**And now, the conclusion.**

 

 

I could not breathe.

Colin was dead. I hadn't protected him. I had failed him. Colin was dead.

_I could not breathe.  
_

My head was spinning, and dark spots were dancing before my eyes. My throat tightened and I vomitted on the floor.

_I need to breathe._

Students looked to me, spoke to me... I couldn't understand what they wre saying. Their voices were muffled. I tried to get to the hall, but fellb down on the floor.

_I need to breathe._

I heard a deep vibration in my head, and my whole chest seemed to burn. I couldn't focus properly.Where was the floor? I felt  someone lifting me up. Was it Fred?

_I need to breathe!  
_

I finally inhaled over the large rock that seemed to block my throat, and tried to hold back my tears. But, with a start, I realized that my cheeks were already stained with them. I had cried? 

I took some seconds to reagin my balence, my thoughts still a jumbled mess, and I ignored the other students as I tried to focus.

My thoughts were spinning too fats. I was panicking. I should have been there. But it's too late now. Where is Ginny? Only Colin has been found. Is he really dead? 

_No_.

No, he wasn't. He was only paralized. And Ginny had done it.

_How could I have missed it?!_

I should have known. I should have realized sooner, or at least remember! Damnit!

At least I knew that Ginny was safe. Sort of. But she wasn't my first priority. Colin was.He was paralyzed. He would be at the infirmary. Was he injured also? I had to check on him. To make sure he was alright. That I could do.

I opened my eyes, and suddenly all the voices from the others came rushing. Right. I had vomitted. I looked back to the floor, but obviously an upper-classman had already magically cleaned it. Good. At least I ahdn't caused too many trouble.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." I said to the twins who were the closest from me. "I'm going to check on him. See if he's not too badly injured".

"Alex, he's... he's _dead_."

Right. They couldn't know. It didn't matter. I knew.

_Are you sure that you do? What if you changed the course of the story and someone does die?_

I ignored that thought and got out of the common room, ignoring the other students. Luckily, none followed me.

I walked to the hospital wing, not thinking. I could not think. If I started to think, I would stop being functional. That would be bad.

Teachers were in front of the hospital wing's door. Huh. It didn't matter. They hadn't noticed me yet. 

I headed toward the door, but was stopped. By professor Snape.

_Annoying_.

"You cannot come in girl, isn't it obvious that something is happening when all four heads of houses stand in front of the infirmary?"

I shot him a blank look. INteresting. He seemed to be panicking too. He did care about his students, didn't he? 

But it didn't matter right now. 

I shaked his hand off and went to open the door, but I was yanked back a second time.

"What is wrong with you?" Snarled Snape. "I just said _you cannot come in_!" 

"Miss Crest, please, I know Mr. Crivey is a close friend of yours, but we need to think without children around."

Like I cared. They wre incompetent. How could they let children get hurt in their school? Didn't they swear to protect those kids? 

I pushed my anger back down and looked uop to McGonnagal.

"I don't care. I'm going in."

That wasn't really what I had intended to say, but I didn't really have something in mind either when I started talking. That would have to do.

I practically felt Snape's anger when I opened the door, but ignored him as I quickly got in the room. I distantly heard McGonnagal asking him to leave me be before I shut the door close with a quiet thump.

I took a deep breath and turned to look atthe beds. Colin was there.

He didn't even seem asleep. Just... off. He wouldn't move. Wouldn't blink.

_He's not breathing._

I sat down next to him, and took his camera out of his hands. They hadn't even done that.

I watched him, trying to see any sign of life, and felt like a huge weight ahd been taked off my shoulders when I felt his pulse under my fingers.

He was alive.

And when I looked more closely, I could see that his chest was faintly rising, his breathing so diminished that no human should be able to live with so little air.

But, even if he wasn't dead, he wasn't really alive either, was he?

I snapped awake again as I heard sounds coming from Mrs. Pomfrey's office. People were talking and coming closer.

I rised to a standing state just as the door opened, and entered Dumbledore and Mrs. Pomfrey.

The old headmaster, upon seeing me, first looked surprise, and slightly confused. But after a quick glance to Colin, a look of realization crossed his face, and he took a contrite air.

The nurse, her immediatly began to chastise me, but I ingored her, focused on Dumbledore. It was fascinating how his emmotions could be read on his face given that he was a powerful legilimens and occlumens. Made you wonder if these emmotions were genuine or if he was just playing the part.

_Stop it. He's not your ennemy._

"It's okay Poppy, I'll handle this."

She sighed and raised her hands in the air, asking the headmaster how she could keep doing her work if he was constantly contradicting her, but - thankfully - she eventually left.

"Miss Crest, right?" asked Dumbledore with twinkling eyes.

_Does he actually inject glitters in them daily to get this effect?_

"That's right. It's me." 

He looked at me for a moment, and after a few seconds, conjured a chair and sat down beside me.

"I take it that you were good friends with Colin?" 

"I _am_ good friends with Colin."

"Ah, yes, you're right. I'm sorry, my tongue must have slipped." said the headmaster. "You know, there is really no need to be afraid for his health, our dear healer will take good care of him, and he merely needs a mandrake restorative draught and you'll see, he will be up in no time."

Suddenly, I realized something. If indeed that was all it took, why did they have to wait the end of the year before reviving the others in the story?

"And" I asked, suddenly afraid by wizarding stupidity. "When will this draught be done?"

Dumbledore took a contrite air, and said, shaking his head:

"I'm sorry I gave you false hopes, but I'm afraid your friend won't be revived for a few months. You see, the mandrakes in Hogwarts' greenhouses have not reached maturity yet, and won't do so before May, at least."

Okay. Wizards were stupid. I now had the ultimate proof that an intensive use of magic could burn one's brain. Because it just was not possible for the whole wizarding community to be populated with people whose IQ didn't go _beyond eighty_.

"Ahem, have you, I don't know, thought about buying some? I mean, someone somewhere in wizarding britain must have some mandrakes in reserve right?"

"Ah, you're a smart young girl Alex, yes you are. But, you see, I'm afarid that to do that would  make this whole business public, and we cannot allow that to happen unless under extreme necessity. But don't worry, you'll see, he will soon be alright. Now, if you will allow me, I will excuse myself. I bought a new lemon soap last week, and I had planned to test it today with a warm bath."

With that, he just stood up and left, leaving me completely stunned.

Did he just say that he would sacrifice a boy's well-being just to keep appearances? Was he really that dumb?

Now, sure, from what I had seen of the Ministry the last few month, they were quite unable in general, and particualrily in front of a crisis such as: 'a giant snake roaming in the walls of Hogwarts, where plenty of students from eleven to seventeen live 24h a day almost every fucking months of the year.' 

But let's be honest, few people would be able to deal with something like that, especially an old crazy wizard whose only concern was to _bathe_.

I let out a deep sigh and looked back to Colin.

Great, now I was both enraged _and_ sad. Could my life get any better?

_Obviously it can_ , I thought as I heard someone clear their throat.

I looked up to the nearest bed and oh, joy! here lied Harry Holy Potter the source of my misery.

"What?" I snapped at him.

"Uh, I uh... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened to you, well to him too, just, I uh, yeah. I'm sorry."

Wow. Such eloquence.

"You're not sorry you don't care, you didn't actually appreciate him, you thought him a nuisance, you're just a liar, a hypocrite, and you're useless!" I snapped at him, my voice helplessly going up several octaves on the last words.

He just stares at me for a moment, confused and hurt, and I flee the hospital wng before he can answer -or see burst in tears.

_Great work Alex, like, you just had to reject your failure on the only kid who can save the wholefucking world because you're to immature to bear it on yourself as you should. Can you get any worse? You know, just so to see, it could be fun._

I tried to settle my nerves on my way to the Great Hall -it was lunch, and I had to eat as I already hadn't eaten on the morning- and was almost alright by the time I reached my destination.

I felt furious. How could they all laugh and eat so carelessly when Colin had- when he was-...

I took another deep breath and forced myself to stay calm.

They were kids. They couldn't know. It wasn't their fault.

I sat down at the Gryffindor table on a spot that was surrounded by empty space, and I started to eat, not tasting what I stuffed in my mouth.When Ginny came to sit beside me, puffy eyes and concerned face, I didn't talk to her; when she tried to start a conversaion, I just ignored her.

I just couln't be her friend right now. 

After a while, she realized that I wouldn't answer, and we just ate in silence.

Even that small moment together made me hate myself. I had failed Colin, and I was failing her too. I couldn't help her. Hary wasn't the useless one, I was.

As soon as I was done, I left the Great Hall and headed to the common room. Ginny didn't follow me, instead deciding to finish her meal with her brothers.

_At least she's not as devastated as last time. Guess the monster hid his tracks better this time._

Once in the dorm, I climbed in my bed and drew the curtains to be left alone.

Then I started to cry.

I just couldn't help it, the tears and the hurt had welled up within me way past my usual breaking point, and I just had to let go of this.

_People cry, not because they're weak, but because they've been strong for too long._

_Really brain? really? Now is the time to give me shitty quotes?_

I stayed like this for a moment, crying my heart out and mentally cursing myself, when I felt arms surrounding me, accompanied by red hair and a known, comforting smell.

I turned to burry my face in Ginny's neck, careless of keeping any kind of appearances, and kept crying until it felt like my eyes would never be able to ever again.

"You feel any better?" asked Ginny when I sat back up and started wiping my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay, thanks." I said with a small smile. Damn, my throat felt raw.

She returned my smile with a glad and comforting one, and hopped off of my bed, pushing aside the curtains as she did. 

I was glad to see that noone was in the dorm, but when I looked out of the window, I saw that it was at least five in the after-noon. Just how long had I cried exactly?

I noticed Ginny waiting for me at the steps, so I hurried after her and came down to the common room.

People stared at me weirdly, and I realized that I must look like hell with my red eyes, disheveled hair, and wrinkled clothes. And the girls from my dorm, if they had come up at one point, had probably heard me crying and told everybody.

Such joy. 

What troubled me more though, was how Harry pointedly avoided any eye contact. 

_Right. I had forgotten he would be out of the infirmary by now._

I waved at Ginny to wait for me and, with guilt wrapped around my torso, slowly headed to Harry. Ron tried to stop me, obviously angry at me, but thanks to Hermione holding him back, I was able to sidestep him and stand in front of Harry.

_Wow, I really traumatized me._ I realized as I saw how uncompfortable the kid was.

"Listen," I said afer a deep breath. "I... was out of line this morning, and what I told you was unfair. I was angry, and depressed, and I'm afraid that I acted really harshly toward you as a result, since you wre the closest person. Please, just know that I'm sorry for what I said to you, and that I would probably have reacted the same way toward anyone had they been close." 

He smiled awkwardly at my apology, and after a few tries at finding his words, said:

"Don't worry, I know you didn't mean to actually hurt me, well, at least you wouldn't have under normal circontences, I guess. But uh... You were right. I realize now that I too was a bit too harsh toward Colin, and that I should have been able to do something to help. But I promise you, I will find what harmed Colin, and prevent it from hurting avyone ever again."

His eyes seemed to lighten up at these words, and I was surprised by the fierce dedication he was showing. Maybe he wasn't the awkward teenager I thought him to be after all.

"Don't worry about that," I said as I turned my back on him to go back to Ginny. "You don't have to bear the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, you're too young for me to ask that of you."

_I'll just have to do it myself._

I sat down on a couch with Ginny, who started to get our stuff out so that we could work. The kid did know how to distract me. 

"What do you want to work on?" 

"We got a DADA essay for wednesday, and we also have to practice the summoning spell for charms." She answered, making a face.

"Well, let's start with the essay, and then we'll ask you brothers for help with the summoning charm."

We set to work, and after working a hour and a half on the essay, we went to Fed and George for the spell as I had planned.

What I hadn't planned though was that they would teach us everything but the summoning charm, which is how I learned a spell to seal lips together, how to make a banana turn purple, and how to get Ginny's hair to stand upright. 

I still didn't know how to summon a feather my way at the end of the day though.

The evening all in all passed rather quickly; the only upsetting thing was that when Ginny and I tried to go see Colin at the hospital wing, Mrs. Pomfrey sent us on our way back, saying that it was too late, that we had school tomorrow, and, though I doubt we were supposed to hear that, muttered that "kids shouldn't be allowed to see such a horrible sight at all, so twice a day was completely out of the question."

"Really though, why would she stop us from seeing Colin?" Said Ginny once we were in the dorm. "Merlin, he's our friend!"

"Come on Ginny, stop being so angsty. We'll go to see him at lunchbreak tomorrow, tonight is late." I answered as I changed into my pajamas. "Look at you, you're already half-asleep."

"Yeah well, I'm not the one who stayed up until noon." 

"I rise with the sun sweetie, notmy fault that it rises so late these days."

Ginny scoffed at that, grumbling about how I was up waay after sunrise and that I was a liar anyway, but soon she was in bed, peacefully sleeping.

I smiled at her sleeping form, and read a chapter of a last year arithmancy book to spot errors - my favorite game - as I waited for everyone to be sleeping.

Once all the girls were quietly snoring (except from Jessie) I put down my book, and squeezed my arm under Ginny's mattress.

There, I found the monster. I carefully took it out, and hissed as I took t fully in my hands. It couldn't be more obvious that that thing was evil if there were alarms blaring Dangerous and signs displaying 'touch at your own risk'.

_Playtime is over. I've let you go free long enough. Now, it's time I do something._

I wrapped the book into the most ugly sweater I owned and hid it in the space situated between the two planks of my poster bed's roof. This was basically the same hiding place as Ginny, but in opposite. Hopefully she wouldn't think of that place if she ever started looking for it in my things.

I let a sigh of relief as I could finally let go of it, and went back to bed, wary to sleep with this thing above my head. 

I took Sunny in my arms to hold him tightly to my chest, and couldn't decipher his expression. He seemed reproachful of the thief, but also glad I got Ginny out of harm's way.

"Trust me Sunny", I said, whispering. "This is for the best. Now, I'm going to protect everyone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, uhm... This chapter is super long (so proud of me), and it's also a lot less depressive than what was first intended. Like, I had first seen Alex as staying angsty and angry at everyone for the whole day, treating Ginny as a traitor (which was the chapter's first intended name), saying it was her fault because she was with Colin, and not apologising to Harry, but things got a bit out of hands and I realized that, well, Colin was Alex's Baby-boo but Ginny was too. So she couldn't really stay angry at her, as since she's supposed to be 23, and as such more mature than an angsty teen, she would realize that it wasn't Ginny's fault. So yeah. Also, I reedited a few previous chapters, especially the first that you should read, as it has drastically changed, really. So yeah, it leads to more character and plot development, nand blah blah blah. So yeah, go read it ;)


	8. Talking diary and self-blaming

Soon, a week had already passed, and I still hadn't opened the diary, I waited to see what would happen yet -and I still didn't trust the dark aura. Yet, it seemed to slowly fade, it was almost impossible to see it, but when I focused, I could feel the aura waver and lose power ever so slowly.

I hoped it meant that its control on Ginny was fading.

Ginny by the way hadn't shown any sign that she knew of the thief. Maybe she just didn't care about it anymore and didn't want to have anything to do with it. Hopefully she would have understood that it wasn't safe to own such a thing.

"Hey, Alex, are you istening to me?" Said the object of my thoughts, a hand pasing in front of my eyes.

"Nope, I'm not, actually. Repeat please?" I said, turning to her with a sheepish grin.

She scoffed at that, but still obliged. She was basically abondonning me for the rest of lunch break because she had promised to do her Charm essay -which I had already done - with Luna in the library.

I held back the pout that was forming on my lips and let her go reluctantly.

_ You know she is safe now. No need to be constantly behind her anymore. _

_I thought the same about Colin, and look at where he is now._

I still started to move the other way, toward the hospital wing. I had something to do anyway, and I needed to have Ginny away for that.

I walked all the way to the infirmary, nodding in aknowledgement to the teachers and students I passed, scrunching my nose at the kissing couple - did they have to do that in public? - and finally reached my destination.

I sat down beside Colin and started to tell him about my day, the homeworks, made short summaries of our lessons. I hoped that, even if he couldn't move, he could still hear me and that it would help him to catch up once he was healed. But, given how little he breathed, I doubted his brain had enough oxygen to be conscious about his surroundings.

Damn, I really was quite useless, wasn't I? I couldn't even protect two firsty years from a  _book_.

Speaking of which.

I retrieved the book from my satchel, always carrying it with me, and let it rest on my lap, still closed.

I had to do it. Know your ennemy. A basic rule you would find in every book. It was easier to defeat an ennemy you knew, and as of now, my knowledge of Tom Marvolo Riddle was quite scarse. I only remembered the Riddle part until I visited Jess in the trophy room two days ago, as she was on cleaning duty because of an undone essay. I had promised to help her with detentions in the beginning of the year if she gave me a galleon a month that I could use in case of emergency, so I had to abide by my own word. I quickly understood that the reason she had agreed so easily was that she ended in setention way too often. 

I stopped wandering on that train of thoughts that was unproductive, and focused back on the diray. 

I couldn't keep delaying. If I didn't do it know, I would never do it.

With a deep breath, I toook a quill, opened th ebook, and scribbled a quick "Hello Riddle" on the page.

Maybe I  _had_ some of that Gryffindor bravery after all.

I waited for a few seconds, my heart beating way too fast in my chest and my throat tightening, and a reply finally came.

_Hello. I don't recognize your writing. Do I know you?_

I thought for a while about why I should answer - haven't really thought about it before - and finally wrote honestly :

"No, you don't."

_How do you know about me then? Did my previous owner tell you ?  If not, how did I come to your possession?_

Huh. Now, that was a good question.

"I just found the book lying on the floor. I picked it up."

Now that lie just sucked.

_How do you know my name then?_

" I know everything." I wrote back, annoyed with myself. I didn't even have the brain to make up a decent lie before jumping into the dragon's jaws. Let's just hope he wouldn't insist on the matter

He didn't, fortunately, and soon the words  _I see_ appeared on the page, quickly retreating.

I waited for a while, wondering if I should write something back or if he wanted to say something.

That's when how similar to texting that was hit me. It was literally the same, if not better. That way you could do it in class without the teachers catching you, as you could always pretend to be taking notes.

That was probably not its primary function though...

A small sense of urgency signaled me that an answer had come -  _yep, definitely like texting -_ and I quickly read the words.

_Since you know, my name, wouldn't it be fair  for you to introduce yourself?_

"No, it wouldn't be I'm afraid. I mean, you're a creepy talking  _diary_. Which is most often dark. If I were smarter than I am actually, I would just hand you over to Dumbledore."

As the words disappeared from the page, I felt something from the diary that could only be identified as "seething". Maybe not so much like texting then.

Now the question, was he angry at the 'creepy talking diary' thing or at the mention of Dumbledore's name?

_I am not a 'creepy talking diary' as you put it, but a memory that was inserted into a journal._

Huh, maybe a little of both then.

"Yup, that's exactly what I am saying. You're a creepy talking diary"

_I am not! I..._  There was a slight pause, accompanied by a sigh - how could a book sigh, I didn't know, but that one did. Sort of. - and soon after came a full, decent sentence:  _Do you see how portraits are able to move and talk?_

"Yeah?" 

_Well, I am the same._

I paused at that for a long moment, the implications of what he was saying -if it was true- brought forward.

"You mean that portraits are sentient?!" 

I cursed myself as I realized I had said that aloud, and went back to writing.

_Well, not really. Came the reply. Not in the same way that I. You see, it is a more elaborate version of the same charm, and requires a lot of energy. This is why I couldn't summon a full portrait when I imprinted my memory, and had to use a simple journal instead._

"You mean a diary."

No answer came for a moment, and I wondered if I hadn't been a little too insufferable. I was going to reply that there was no need to sulk, but an answer did come. Not sure if I should be offended or not though.

_Excuse me but, how old are you?_

"Older than you."

_You don't even know how old I am._

"Oh yeah? tell me your age then."

_16 years old. I was sixteen years old when I put my memories into this journal._

"Yep, I knew it. I'm older than you."

_But I'm pretty sure I should be much olderthan that with all the time I've spent in here._

A new, horrible realization hit me, and again I almost spoke aloud instead of writing:

"Are you telling me that you are  _conscious_ , while  _stuck in here?_!"

Of course I am. Does it seem weird?

"You are stuck in a book!!"

There was a small pause after that, and it felt like he was... Laughing. Yep that was definitely a laugh.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to emprison myself in such a state forever. You see, it's not that horrible. I can basically go back to every place I've ever been in my life, and with enough imagination can even create new rooms, and landscapes. From my point of view, I'm the one confortably sitting in a chair, writing in a book. The only tough thing about being here is that I'm all alone."

I paused at that, and after rejecting the sense of pity that had risen in me at the last sentence, I made a major breakthrough.

Could it be that, instead of placing a piece of his soul in the onject, Voldemort had actually placed it in another dimension of some sort, and had created that diary as a link between the two worlds?That would explain why itseemed that the diary seemed to be the only crox-thing to be sentient, and that doesn't have the memories from post-crox life. 

Mybe, as the diary was the first crox, it had malfunctionned somehow and the link between in-crox Voldie and post-crox Voldie was severed somehow, and they actually became two separate beings with two separate minds. On the other hand, all the other croxes -yep, that was definitely the wrong word- that were well made had kept in-crox Voldies and out-crox Voldie as one single mind.

Which was why Voldemort was so insane! His conscience (not his soul,  _that_ was nothing but imbecilities) was stretched way too thin, way too far, and to live different things at the same time, even if that was just seeing, hearing, touching, smelling,  _sensing_ several different environments, was just too much for the human brain.

Though pre-croxes Riddle aslo seemed to be a crazy psychopath.

He wouldn't have opened the Chamber of Secrets otherwise.

I felt a pang of guilt as I glanced at Colin and finally answered Riddle who had been writing tentative "hello's" for the past two minutes.

"Yeah, I'm here, sorry. I was just making a fantastic discovery that I will conceal for the next ten years because it is too sensible a subject to be revealed to the public as of now."

_I can keep a secret._

I was going to answer that I was Merlin's long lost grand-grand-grand-...-grand daughter when I heard footsteps coming this way.

I quickly hid the diary backin my satchel, heart racing, and glanced up just as the door opened on my potion professor.

I scrambled to my feet and protectively stood between Snape and Colin as the older man sneered:

"Here again I see."

"I have the right to be here" I said, raising up my chin.

"Not having it doesn't really stop you either, does it?"

I blushed at that, feeling guilty, but didn't lower my gaze. My friend had been in danger, and maybe he didn't know how it felt to have someone you care for dying, butthat was his problem, not mine!

At that thought, I saw his face contort with pain and anger and I finally lowered my eyes.

To insult a legilimens and remind him of a possible close one's death that must have happened during the war was probably not a good idea, even if it was supposed to be in the privacy of my thoughts.

Damn, I missed my privacy. I wasn't even sure I knew what it meant anymore...

I sat back on the bed at Colin's side and, with a tired wave, indicated the nearest chair for the professor to sit in.

I hold back a sigh as he narrowed his eyes and stood even straighter than before, wordlessly rejecting my offer.

_Right. You're a child. You're not supposed to ask adults to sit down. One would think that after  more than one months as a child it would have sunk in but, well, guess I do have a hard skull._ I mentally sighed.

Bah, whatever, if he wanted to stanf then so be it.

I took a deep breath and looked up to meet his eyes, trying to get all compromising information out of my mind.

"I'm sorry about last week. I was in a moment of total panick, and I  _had_  to see Colin. That I had been told that he was dead probably didn't help either" I winced.

"Yet, he answered with a disapproving frown, "Miss Weasley, as uneducated as she may be, didn't try to pass without permission. And unless I am mistaken, which is not the case, she is no less the boy's friend than you."

"But, with all due respect, Ginny isn't responsible of Colin's safety."

At that, Snape raised an eyebrow: "And you are?"

"Well, of course I am!" I stuttered, abashed. "It's my role to make sure that both her and Colin are okay, and I  _failed_. I was supposed to protect Colin. Look where it got him. And all this because I'm too stupid and too careless to use my brain and _think about the situation I'm facing_."

I had tried to keep calm as I said that, but I couldn't keep my voice from rising higher at the last sentence, sounding like a crying child.

Which I was in some way, I guessed.

"Miss Crest," said the professor, a confused look on his face. "You seem to be taking all the blame on yourself. But, even if I... don't hold you in high esteem, I can hardly see how any of this could be your fault. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if it is anyone is at fault, it's the person who hurt Mr. Crivey here."

"Of course it was my fault." I said with a bitter laugh. "There's noone else here who could be responsible for anything."

I should have remembered. And if not, then I should have seen that Colin was a muggle-born and as such in danger. And even then, I should have just kept them close to me at all times because this was bloody Hogwarts we were all in, and that meant danger!

I rejected this bad train of thoughts that seemed to be plaguing me for weeks, and realized that I had my fists closed so tights my knuckles had turned white and that half-moon shaped marks had formed on my palm.

I sighed and turned to Snape who seemed even more confused than before. He finally shook his head and said:

"Well, if you want to blame yourslef, I do not really care. But, as it stands, you should probably head to class. Unless you want to loose housepoints because of a late arrival of course."

He left without awaiting for an answer, and a look at a nearby clock confirmed his statement. 

Ginny was going to kill me.

"Well, gotta go Colin," I said as I packed my things quickly. "I'll come back after classes with Ginny, that way we can do our homework together. See ya!"

At that, I left to my charm's class, half running, and wondering for the upteenth time why, when there were only 14 classes in the whole goddamn school, to teach them in a  _castle_  was consided essential.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, yeah, I'm not really satisfied with this chapter but oh, well, you almost didn't even have this chapter at all so let's just keep it that way, and I'll reedit it eventually, some day, in the far far faaaar future ;D  
> Also, soon there will be a chapter from Tom' POV ,who has finally been introduced and will have much more screen time in the future (the way Alex keeps ignoring him in this chapter is horrible xD), and a bit of Dumbledore's POV. Like, there will be chapter 9, the one with Tom's POV, then chapter 10, then one with Dumbies' s POV, and the other character's POVs will be shorter I think, so it will be more like bonuses. So you'll have weeks with two chapters instead of one.  
> Yeah, I know, I'm amazing.
> 
> Anyway, see ya! ^^
> 
> PS: And hello to a certain lady that promised to stop by ;)


	9. THE APOCALYPSE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey. See that title? That's what lack of inspiration creates for ya.  
> Anyway. I'm sorry that I didn't post in two weeks, butu I didn't have a connection, so yeah.  
> Hope you'll enjoy, bye, Good lecture.

I dragged my feet to the side of the quidditch pitch and sat down, grumbling. Yep, it was a Tuesday and yep, I was still as horrible in herbology and nope, I still hadn't been able to get a broom to fly into my hand or... Well, anything, really. Probably my muggle heritage.

I shot a venomous look at some neighbourhing Gryffindors that were snickering at my lowly fate, and did my best to ignore Miss Hooch's pitying smile.

_Whatever. I don't care. Who needs to fly on brooms, really? I'll just learn to apparate and you will leave me in peace._

That's when it struck me. 

I still didn't know if I would ever be able to go home, and I hadn't even started to search for a way.

But what was home now? And if I found a way to go back, would I be able to leave Ginny and Colin, and  _magic_? And what of Tom? I couldn't just leave a mini Voldemort prying on Ginny or take one with me. 

I had no idea what I should do.

I let out a pathetic whine as I put my face in my hands. 

I  _hated_  thinking about the future and what I had to do. Dodging these kind of questions felt so much better. 

Which brought me to one undodgeable question that I asked myself everytime I faced a hardship: Shall I execute the LIIUICA plan? The LIIUICA plan was a plan I had devised many years ago, but rarely put to use for that, if done uncorrectly (a small error could cause its failure) it could have horrible consequences. Yes indeed, the  **L** et's  **I** gnore  **I** t  **U** ntil  **I**   **C** an't  **A** nymore plan was only to be used in either extreme moral dilemnas or small affairs that wouldn't cause too much damage (such as  _I need to get my shirt to the pressing but I don't wannaaaa_ ).

I was still pondering about the different uses of the LIIUICA plan when I felt a sharp sting on my hips, where the satchel resided, and with a disbelieving laugh, I took the diary out.

"Did you really have to hurt me to get my attention? That's what kids in kinder garden do."

 _I'm sorry, but I'ld rather hex you than speak alone for hours_. Scoffed Tom.

"What, so dependant on my company already?"

_No way._

I almost laughed out loud at that, imagining the face he was making right now. 

When I went to write back, he had already done so:

_Anyway, are you alright? You seemed a little down just before._

"How would you know that?" I wrote with a frown. "You can't see me."

_I would answer that I know everything, but unlike some, I'm not as mentally elevated as a five years old child._

Yeah, he still hadn't gotten over that one.

_How I can know your state of mind, is the same way that you can feel when I am amused, interested or, let's say, irritated as I seem to be more and more often. I just feel it. Though I can conceal how I really feel if I feel the need to, in the same way that someone can fake facial expressions._

Now that was weird. Why would he tell me so openly that he had an advantage and could lie to me if he wanted? Did he want me to be wary of him? But he already knew that if I judged him to be too dangerous for me to handle, I would hand him over to Dumbledore.

 _No need to worry, it isn't some kind of plot._  He laughed. _You know, with enough training you could also trick me into believing you feel some way or other. It is only slightly harder than faking emotions._

I could? Now, that could prove quite useful. I just had to find out how.

"How do I seem right now?"

 _Aside from stupid?_ He mocked. _I would say tentative. And here is the disappointment._

"Yeah yeah, I know, failure and everything... Okay, what about... now?"

_Now you are nervous too, slightly worried -probably because you realize it's not as easy as it seems - and a tad frustrated. Please tell me you're not changing your face in the hope that it will work._

"No. I'm not."

 _I can't believe you._ Sighed Tom, half-laughing half banging his head on a wall.

I smliled at that, barely refraining from laughing. It wasn't my fault if I followed his instructions to the letter.

I looked up at the sky, looking for my ginger headed girl, and soon enough I had found her.

You just had to look for a dark blotch with red hair that seemed to move way too fast for it to be within the largest safety mesures.

I put the diary back in my satchel, ignoring the small stings to my hand as I did so -Guess that the great Lord Voldemort didn't like to be ignored - and waved at Ginny to go slower. 

I couldn't see really well from that distance but I'm pretty sure she grinned mischievously before going down at high speed.

"Ginny!" I cried, moving toward what would soon be her crashing point.

_No no no no no no no no no!_

She was going way too fast, she wouldn't be able to stop in time...

"WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"

I had done the first thing that had passed through my mind, the hovering charm. But Ihadn't really expected it to work, indeed Ginny was now in mid air, seeming surprised that she didn't go down anymore.

"Miss Weasley! Can you explain to me what that was for?!" Cried Miss Hooch from behind me, wand pointed at Ginny. Unlike mine.

Ah, that's why it worked, it wasn't me who threw the hovering charm  but Miss Hooch. Well, we probably both threw it, but hers worked and mine didn't.

I ignored the slight pang of disappointment as I realized that, no, I didn't have any amazing super-powers, and joined Miss Hooch and Ginny, a crowd already forming around them.

"Miss Weasley, do you realize how dangerous that was? Such behaviour is unacceptable, this is a move even professionals can't do, and even the ones who can are apprehensive to use it. If I ever catch you doing such an irresponsible again, you will never fly on a broom at Hogwarts! Do you hear me?!"

Ginny, red both from shame and anger, nodded meakly, her fists so tight her knuckles had gone white.

The teacher asked Ginny to go to the side of the pitch with me as a punition, and took thirty points from Gryffindor.

I was just glad that Ginny wasn't hurt.

Once we were seated, I let her calm down, but she didnt seem to stop fuming. That was weird. The Ginny I knew would sulk, not stare angrily at everyone passing.

"It's okay Ginny. You know, you're lucky. I mean, you only have to stay here for the last thirty minutes. My only mistakes was being lame at flying, and as a result I have to stay here every class!"

She just glared angrily at me, and I wasn't sure, but I thought I had heard her mumble "Shut up."

I stared at her, wide-eyed, and as much as I wanted to, couldn't ind the words to get her in a better mood.

Ginny had never acted like that before.

I eyed my satchel where the diary lied warily, wondering if it was a side-effect.

It seemed silly, but I reallly hoped that Tom wasn't at fault.

\-------------------------- This is a time skip---------------------------------------

Classes ended quickly after that, and after passing by quickly to the hospital wing to say hello to Colin, Ginny -who seemed to be better and actually looked remorseful - and I headed to the Library.

My red headed friend still had a potion essay to start, and I had to finish mine. After that, I wanted to have a quick look at a rune book that seemed interesting.

"You really are crazy." Said Ginny as she saw me returning with the book I had been looking for as well as a book on arithmancy and one in transfiguration."

"We don't even have runes and arithmancy before third years, why would you want to readall that stuff?"

"Because," I said, letting my heavy charge fall with a thump on the table, "I have in me something called 'curiosity', also known as a 'thirst for knwoledge'. Runes are what allow wizards to discover new spells, and I've wanted to understand how it works since I learned about them."

She eyed me for a time, then deadpanned. "You know, after all this time, I still don't understand why you weren't placed in Ravenclaw."

I just poked my tongue out at her ans sat down, contently reading my books. 

I felt a slight buzz on my hips, where lay my satchel and the famous diray that lied within, but ignored it. I couldn't possibly take it out right next to Ginny. So, instead, I reached out to take my bunny and slightly slapped slightly the diary as I passed, knowing the light touch would reach Tom.

Ginny let out a groan at the sight of the "pink monstruosity" as she liked to call him, and I hid my smile in the pages of my book. 

We stayed like this for a few moment, and when I looked up to mention something interesting to Ginny - something about how bergriria plants only bloomed at the new moon because the waves created by the reflection on the sunlight on the moon were nocive to it - but I was met with a quiet snore I hadn't realized before.

She had her head on the book she ahd been grudgingly reading, her cheek flattened on the page, and hands on each side of her head. 

I smiled at her and, after taking out some og her hair from her mouth, transfigured the book into a pillow. The transfiguration wouldn't last more than half an hour, but by then I hoped that she would have awoken.

I quickly wondered if I could take the diary out, but immediatly dismissed that thought. Ginny could awake at any moment.

I was worried at how easily I had slipped into a casual friendship with Tom though. I had tried to convince myself that I was only faking it several times, but I had to face the truth. 

I did like to speak with Tom.  _Damn, I can't even realize when I started calling him by his firstname._

The only thing that reassured me was that I was still angry at him when I thought about Colin in the hospital wing, and how distressed Ginny had been on the night of Halloween.

 _And to think that all this crap had to happen on their first year..._ I thought, looking at Ginny. _Not that the followings will get any better. From now until 1998, their life will only get from shitty to shittier. And dangerous._

That's when I realized it. That's when I felt like strangling myself for my own stupidity. That's when I praised myself for finally being ahead of a line of events I was supposed to know.

Colin was supposed to die at the battle of Hogwarts.

I felt a huge sense of despair when I realized what it meant. Others' death, as difficult as it was, I could ignore. I could try not to care about Fred's death, I could try not to care about Snape's death, I could try not to think about Cedric's death, Tonks's, Remus's, Alastor's, and all the others.

But I couldn't ignore Colin's. 

Which left me with one choice. Stay and protect those I could, despite my earlier decision, and leaving my family behind for the next seven years and more. Or strive to find my way back, which I was supposed to do, and yet had only read through a dozen books on time-traveling until now.

**_What about Tom's death? Can you ignore it too?_ **

_He's one person, and an evil one at that. His life is what caused the death of so many others. If his death can save hundreds of lives, then it is only logical that he should die._

**_What about the ideals?_ **

Life before Death.

Strength before Weakness.

Journey before Destination.

 

I will protect those who cannot protect themselves.

 

I will protect even those I hate, so long as it is right.

 

What about the ideals? Even if those ideals came from a book, I had promised myself to live up to them all my life. Now, I had finally a chance to abide by them. And I was about to ignore them.

 

_Fine, little voice in the back of my head called something like a conscience. I will stay._

_And I will protect them at the best of my abilities._

_But how?_

I sighed at the new problems that kept arising, problems I had tried to ignore some few hours ago.

"You seem real down." Said a voice above me.

I snapped my head up, surprised at the sound, and was met with bright brown eyes. I had no idea how brown eyes could be bright, but this girl's eyes surely were.

"Oh, that's because you're a Gryffindor. Hard to study when you're stupid huh?"

I blinked at that, and a quick glanced at her insignia showed that she was in Ravenclaw. Wans't that girl in my year? I thought I had seen her in Charm's class.

"I am sorry, the problem I was considering was of a more... personal nature. Did you want something from me?"

The girl just shrugged and sat down, seeming totally at ease.

She had a relatively pale skin that contrasted with her straight, dark brown hair that came slightly below the chin, and her dark (bright?!) brown eyes. She acted casually, yet it felt that she had a huge stock of energy into her small body. Though I guess her height was average for an eleven years old girl.

She eyed Ginny, looking a mix between amused and disdainful, and turned back to me.

She had quite a piercing stare.  _Vibrant. That's what her eyes are, not bright,_ _but vibrant. Alive._

"You're Alex Crest right? The Gryffindor weirdo girl."

I raised an eyebrow at that. I hadn't realized I had gained such a nickname in this life too. Where had I gotten wrong in my try at socializing this time?

"Me, I'm Eileen. Eileen Mackerell."

Well now, that was interesting. She had the same name as Snape's mother.

Not that it held any relevance.

"You're not very talktative, are ya?" She asked, frowning a little.

"Well, you do seem to know my name already, so introducing me would be pointless."

"But it would be polite."

"But pointless."

"Yet polite."

I sighed at that, lowering my head slightly.

I cracked an eye at her and asked with a smile.

"Let me guess, pureblood upraising?"

She just smiled at that too, her smile obviously bordering the grin.

I stood up and, raising a hand to my chest, said dramatically:

"Lady Mackerell, please, leave me the honour of introducing myself. My name is Alex Leony Crest, heir to the Crest and Belker families, second daughter of Daniel Crest and Lucia Belker. To be able to finally meet you fills me with genuine pleasure."

She was about to reply, but a groan was heard from the red thing that I had completely forgotten.

"What the hell are you doing speaking so lound when I'm sleeping?"

I held back a small laugh at that and said, continuing with the game:

"Ginevra Molly Weasley, may I introduce to you Lady Mackerell, heir to the-"

"Alex. Shut it." Said an obviously disgruntled Ginny, apparently offended to have been awoken. "Eileen is in our year. I already know her."

I opened my eyes wide at that and stared at her and Eileen repeatedly. When had those two found time to know each other? The smile Eileeen threw me only made me think that yes, I did still suck at socializing. 

Seems like unless people came to me, they didn't exist to my eyes.


	10. A mind goes haywire, a diary gets torn, an author gets killed because she doesn't update on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, that was late, but I got too many things to do so... yeah, no time. Bear with me.

 

"So. Explain. What did you do to my Crestiov? I mean, for real, those plants are supposed to be blue with purple dots, not... Greyish with big brown ugly formless spots."

"I am genuinly wounded to see that you don't appreciate my big brown formless ugly spots. It took a lot of work to get this result."

"Alex, I'm not kidding." Said Eileen, obviously annoyed at my antics. "I checked in every biology book I own, which is a lot because I have a lot of book in every subject, and this, whatever may be the circumstances, should not be possible. The Crestiov leaves can turn green, red, yellow, even _rainbow-like_ , but not grey! Grey is supposed to mean dead for these plants, and this one, is definitely not dead. Its leaves are still moving!"

"Are you saying," I asked, extremely serious, "that I made a _zombie plant_?"

What completely killed my serious face was the yell of frustration that Eileen made in the middle of the hallway. I was already grinning madly just trying not to explode in laughter right now.

Once I and Eileen had both calmed down -though in different ways - she just glared at me, and the _stop bullshitting me_ was so obvious in her eyes I had to be honest with her.

"Magic." I shrugged.

Okay, almost honest.

EIleen just stared at me some more, and after a while where pure despair was written on her face, she just sighed, shook her head and kept walking toward the Great Hall.

I slowed my steps to fall behind her and next to Ginny, who seemed to be as unimpressed as the pure-blood lady walking in front was.

I just grinned sheepishly at her and she huffed, a smile forming on her lips.

That was more than what I usually got from her these days.

She had been especially gloomy and nervous for the past two weeks, and almost never reched out to me -which had caused me to make better friends with Eileen.

What worried me most though, was that I had caught up Ginny sneaking in the dorm several times, and often, when checking what she was doing, I would find her searching everywhere in her things.

Under he mattress too.

And whatever she was looking for - though I had clear suspicions - she was _very_ pissed that she couldn't find it.

I kept a casual smile on my face as I thought about soon to come downfalls and other joyous things -yet somehow still succeeding to stay within the boundaries of the LIIUICA plan- and soon enough we were seated at the Gryffindor table.

Eileen seemed to hesitate to join us for a moment, but in the end she just waved at us and went to sit at her own table.

 _Darn_ I thought, taking a look at all the students here. Of course, it wasn't the first time I noticed how close to no students went to eat with their friends in other houses, but it still shocked me.

I didn't even understand why there were four different tables when inter-houses relationships were more and more encouraged by the professors. Of course, we weren't forced to eat there, but still. If even at lunch friends couldn't see each other, then when were they supposed to meet?

I just sighed and went back to my meal. There were many battles to fight, but I had to choose which ones I would, because I wasn't able to fight them all. House unity would have to wait.

Ginny and I ate quietly, talking about little nothings, when suddenly, Ginny stopped in the middle of her sentence and became all white.

"Ginny, you okay?"

She nodded faintly, obviously dizzy and nauseated, but seemed to look better after a while.

"Ginny". I repeated. "Are you ill or something?"

She shook her head violently and, still without uttering a word, narowed her eyes at me, looking... Suspicious.

_Uh-oh. What did I do this time?_

"I'm leaving." She said, suddenly standing up, and left the Great Hall, levaing me speechless.

I ran after her, but obviously not fast enough, for that when I arrived at the door, she was nowhere to be seen.

When I went back to my meal, someone had taken my place.

_Doesn't matter. I don't need to eat anyway. Like, that's not at all a human necessity for living. Really, who needs to eat? Huh? I mean, people can totally go-... Okay I need to stop._

With a sigh, I picked up my stuff -suddenly anxious because I had left the diary out of my sight - and went to the library where I would be able to find some peace.

All the way there, I felt some light pounding in my head. Not like a headache, but more as if someone was poking me to get my attent-

I froze in the hallway when I realized what that was.

_This day just keeps getting better and better._

I dashed the last few meters to the library and, only slowing when the librarian glared at me, hurried into my corner of the library -small, peaceful, isolated, quiet, rarely frequented by others but me (probably because of the glares I would shoot at anyone who came near it), this corner was perfect.

"How is it that I can feel your fucking presence in my mind?" I all but growled/wrote furiously once I had taken the diary out.

**_Well my dear, you are the one who said that hexing you was a childish move. I just had to get more... creative, to get your attention._ **

"Since when does getting more creative mean getting into my head?!"

 ** _I am afraid that your skull is too thick for anything to get there, and I merely nudged your mind, I didn't invade it or anything_.** Replied Tom, seeming upset at my distrust. Wether because it meant he had little control over me or because it hurt his feelings, I could not tell.

"You're right" I wrote after some time. "I'm sorry."

Tom didn't reply for a few long seconds, and for a moment I had the impression of a sulky baby. Guess I did kind of deserved that one.

But I was extremely freaked out to have a foreign presence in my mind.

**_Why are you so worried of telepathic connections? Have you had an... accident, when you were younger?_  
**

"I-... No. It's just... I mean, it's already enough to know that people are doing weird stuff that allows them to get places they shouldn't be and find things they shouldn't, etc, etc. If they can also get in my head, then yeah, I guess that's a little too much."

 **Are you muggle-born** _?_ Came after a time. _  
_

_Really dude? I open up my heart to you, and all you do is bring up your fucking blood-purity rasicm?!_ I thought.

That's also exactly what I wrote.

 **_I do not have any prejudice against muggle-borns._ ** _Right_ **_. Actually, having been raised by muggles myself, I am particularly open to muggle-borns seeking to learn more about the wizarding world._ **

I was so pissed at his lies that I didn't answer him.

Even when he gave me a headache with his freaking mind poking.

Even when I started to recieve hexes of graduing strength against my hips.

Even when the book caught fire and almost burnt my satchel.

At that one, I just slammed the book, _hard,_ against the table.

The vicious sting that came after a few seconds of silence told me that it had hurt him.

I was feeling quite smug when I reached the transfiguration classroom after lunch-break.

I sat down at mine and Ginny's usual table, but when McGonnagal started the lesson, Ginny still hadn't arrived.

And she seemed to realize it.

"Miss Crest, where is your neighbour?"

Uhm... Wow, even in my thoughts I serisouly lacked eloquence.

"I don't know?"

McGonnagal's mouth drew a thin line, and her glare made me wince in my chair.

"Do you maybe want me to go check in the dorms and the infirmary if she is there?" I asked tentatively after what seemed like hours of exposure of the death glare.

"I think that it would be a good idea. Thank you for taking the initiative miss Crest."

After that, she went back to the front of the classroom, leaving me to hurriedly grab my stuff and run to the Gryffindor tower.

I got to the painting of the fat lady and breathlessly muttered the password and got into the common room, ignoring the disapproving stare she threw me.

The common room was sort of empty, save for a group of fifth years, but I ignored them too to go toward the dorms instead.

I had barely entered the hallway that I heard the ruckus.

And the door was _closed_.

I felt a small tingle of alarm in the back of my head that I could only -begrudgingly- interpret as Tom, and that did nothing to stop my rising worry.

_I'm getting kind of sick of being afraid to open that goddamn door._

And yet, how I wished I hadn't opened it upon seeing the _utter chao_ s that filled the room.

Especially around mine and Ginny's bed.

"Oh my god Ginny, what did you do?" I asked, completely astonished, turning to a disheveled Ginny that looked hysteric.

She moved menacingly toward me and gripped my arms, _hard_. The insanity in her eyes was enough to scare even me.

"Where is it? WHERE IS IT?! What did you with it?!" She yelled, shooking me violently. "So what?! Did he tell you everything about me?! Have you two had a good time making fun of me?!"

"Ginny, please stop". I said weakly, feeling the blood leaving my face.

She knew.

"Me?! Stop? But my dear, you're the one who _stole from me!_   Now tell me. Where did you put it?"

She shook me again, cutting my answer, and suddenly, she fell on me, unconscious?

_What the-_

"Godamnit, I thought she was going to kill you!" Said a voice from behind me. "Are you okay?"

I turned and saw the group of fifth years from earlier, one girl poiting a wand at Ginny.

Ginny had been so mad she hadn't even seen them hexing her.

"I- I'm alright." I said after a moment. "Do you... Do you think you could maybe take us to the infirmary?"

"Sure kid." Said the same guy as before. "You're frighteningly pale, don't want you to pass out on us."

I nodded weakly and followed them with a smile.

The girl who hexed Ginny -whose name was Lucilia- levitated her and with our little group of five persons -plus an unconscious one- we headed toward the hospital wing.

...

I closed the door of the hospital wing with a sigh, too exhausted to stress anymore.

Ginny had woken up and we had contacted McGonnagal as Dumbledore was -quite fortunately for me- gone who knows where. I think I heard McGonnagal talk about Albanie?

I sat down and put my head in my arms, trying to fight off my goddamn headache.

At least that one wasn't because of Tom. He was leaving me alone right now, probably because he still thought I was in class.

Damn.

I had hoped that she would just forget all about that goddamn diary, but obviously I had hoped in vain.

_Why does my life suck so much already?_

_**More like, why do you bother putting up with it.** _

_I don't know, maybe 'cause I don't have another one?_

_..._

_And now I'm talking to myself. Again._ I thought with another sigh.

Said sigh was mirrored by McGonnagal as she left the infirmary and came to stand in front of me.

I didn't bother standing, just raised my head.

"The nurse has no idea what might be wrong with your friend. But there's nothing to worry about. We've already contacted the Headmaster, and he should be here tonight. I'm sure that he will find a way to heal young Ginevra."

_Oh shit._

_Oh_ Shit.

Dumbledore was coming. Dumbledore was gonna find out about Tom. And I had tried to hide Tom so as not to mess up the timeline too badly. This was bad. Like, really bad

_I am so screwed._

"Are Ginny's parents aware that she is ill?" I asked, throat a little tight.

McGonnagal just shook her head and went on explaining me that for now no physical harm had been done to Ginny, and that as such there was no reason to contact the family yet...

Storming wizards and their lack of concern for human rights.

"I'm sorry, I have to go to the loo."

I stood up, took my satchel and left without saying anything.

Hopefully she would put my rudeness on the shock of having a friend in a type of weird psychotic frenzy thingy.

_I think I don't deal well with stress._

I entered the nearest bathroom (thankfully not the one on the first floor) and took the diray out.

"If you don't help me, Dumbledore is going to find ou tabout you and we both know that you wouldn't like that. And frankly, me neither."

There was a pause, and after sometimes came slowly, as if suspiciously:

**_Are you blackmailing me?_ **

"No. But Ginny is in the hospital wing, yelling that I must give you back to her and she seems dead set on killing me if I don't."

_**Wait, you and Ginny know each other?!** _

Well. Time for honesty. Interseting how that made me feel... sick.

_Yep, Tom is definitely a bad influence._

"Does the name Alex ring the bell."

_**Yes, she is Ginny's 'Best Friend Forever and basically sister 'cause we made the pact and we are almost like twins.'** _

"Yeah. That one. Well, that's me."

There was a apuse at that. A huge pause.

I couldn't tell weither it was because he was surprised or because he was cackling madly at his success of finding my identity.

I sudenly had a caricatural image of a snake-faced Voldemort laughing evily with his head thrown back and his arms up in the sky.

_What, did I smoke?_

**_So. Alex. It's a nice name._ **

"Yes. Ginny thinks the same. Ginny whom, by the way, is getting totally mad in the hospital wing." I replied, glarinf at the pages. "If I didn't know it's because of you I would probably have called for an exorcism. And maybe I should. I mean, you are some kind of ghost thingy."

_**Now now now. No need to worry about that, as soon as you have answered some questions I will help her, no need for such things. They don't even work anyway.** _

I glared even more at the pages.

Especially when the following words appeared.

_**So. You stole me from Ginny huh? Not that I complain, your company is much more enjoyable than that silly girl's, but... For someone who speaks about morals so highly, that's quite a low act.** _

"Okay, that was actually a very noble act. I knew that Ginny was getting seriously ill, and that you had something to do with it. Well, not really. I mean, I thought you were her diary so I wanted to check in what she had written if she had done anyhting rash or foolish as she is often prone to do. And when I saw that there was nothing in there, despite how often she would write in it, I decided to... investigate. And then I remembered her telling me about her pen friend called Tom, and I juts... thought that maybe I could try. Turns out I was right."

I had just made up that lie as I wrote. I was quite satisfied by it too.

**_Really? That was quite impressive from you. I don't usually expect eleven years old children to be so... perspicace.  
_ **

_**And you are clearly younger than me.**_ He added later, refering to our first conversation. How long was I going to have to be reminded ofhow poorly I managed this?

"Yeah well, how about helping Ginny instead of mocking me?"

_**Ah, I'm afraid it won't be so easy. You see, I am only a memory. But that I was implanted in a diary is... quite symbolic. For me to keep existing, I need secrets to thrive upon. And Ginny used to tell me all about her, which is how I could live. That's why I had to keep a link with her after we were separated. You haven't told me anything, which made it impossible for me to 'feed' on you, and that may have the link unconsciously urged her to tell me her secrets. Yet, there's a really simple way for the situation to get better. Form a link with me and I will let Ginny go. You'll still have to give her back the diary for appearances of course, but if you rip a few pages and keep them on yourself, then we should still be able to exchange.** _

So basically I was to be his new life insurance. Great. Nothing's worth helping a psychopath to survive as a hobby.

But at least he would finally leave Ginny out of that.

"Will it hurt me? Ginny seemed sick when she was with you, will the same happen to me?"

_**Ginny was sick because she was speaking to me all night long and got cranky everytime something prevented her from talking to me. Unless you find my company so pleasurable, you should be safe.** _

I was a little sceptical at that. And "little" here is a euphemism

"The what's the catch?"

_**Simple. To form the link with me, you have to tell me a true secret. One that is very important to you. Ginny merely told me that she was in love with that Potter kid, it worked for her because she sees it at as a very important secret. I wonder what might be one for you.** _

Aw crap. These last few months, I had won so many secrets that I didn't even know which one to say. Especially since most of them involved things I couldn't tell. Like, "I'm actually 23 and shouldn't be here."

I thought about it for a moment, and finally, I wrote, hands a little shaky.

 

... La suite au prochain épisode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I clearly stopped here because I have no idea what to write (and because I got to go and have absolutely no idea when I'll be in contact with a computer again). Tell me in the comments what secret Alex could tell him!  
> See ya! ^3^


	11. Got a secret, can you keep it? ;)

_She moved menacingly toward me and gripped my arms, hard. The insanity in her eyes was enough to scare even me._

_"Godamnit, I thought she was going to kill you!" Said a voice from behind me. "Are you okay?"_

_"Ginny is in the hospital wing, yelling that I must give you back to her and she seems dead set on killing me if I don't."_

_There's a really simple way for the situation to get better. Form a link with me and I will let Ginny go. You'll still have to give her back the diary for appearances of course, but if you rip a few pages and keep them on yourself, then we should still be able to exchange._

_To form the link with me, you have to tell me a true secret. One that is very important to you._

_I wonder what might be one for you._

**And now, the conclusion.**

 

I did know what kind of secret I could offer. But did I really want to tell them? They were from another life, from another time, and could still be seen as real in this time, so it wouldn't endanger anyone.

But it was still me. And to confide in the greatest Dark Lord of all time was not on my list of hobbies.

More on my "things I always have to do even if they are really gore and awkward and creepy, especially when I don't wanna do them but whatever itgoes with the whole 'I come from another world thing' anyway so I can't do anything about it but cry" list.

That may be too long a name though. Like, just writing it would take half the page.

_Yeah. I did smoke something weird._

I looked back at the pages that seemed to be patiently waiting for me to spill my secrets -and my soul- upon them.

And I wrote:

"I saw a man dying."

 ** _Okay_**. Came after a time. ** _Could you develop a little bit?_**

"What's this, an essay?"

**_A bonding experience._ **

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Still can't believe that Voldemort has a sense of humour.

"Okay, er... I was about 8 maybe, and uhm... well, I was going home from school. But uh, after that, well, not really after, it was more like, you know, while I was walking and-"

Suddenly, the words disppeared without me having finished writing and came

_**Alex. Relax. It won't change anything but form the link, emotionally speaking, there won't be any change. You don't need to be so anxious.** _

"Well, that was a traumatic experience."

_**Well then to write it will only have a beneficial catharsis effect.** _

"Okay then." I wrote after a slight pause.

"So, it must have been in the late after-noon, and I passed through the public garden like I often did because it was really pretty. There are usually children playing there, small children with their parents. Nothing wrong in that. But one day, a man came and tried to take a child away. I myself didn't realize it was a kidnapping until the mother yelled after him, screaming that her child was being taken away. Someone -the father maybe, I never knew- came at him, running to protect the child who could not have been more than three. I was right next to him when the kidnapper took a gun and fired at the father, killing him with one shot. I was also right next to him when he picked up the kid and ran. During the whole scene, I was right next to them, and I couldn't do anything. I was just paralized."

I had tears of frustration in my eyes when I finished writing.

I had never quite recovered from my inability at that time, and I was actually tirteen when it happened. Which only made it worse.

_**What happened to the kidnapper and the child?** _

"The body was found some two weeks later, and my parents never told me if... anything, had been done to him before that. About a year later, a child kidnapper was arrested and there are speculations about him being the same man, but we're not sure."

I waited for a moment, but no answer came.

I just closed the book, leaving Tom to deal with my story, and fought back the tears.

My parents had never agreed to tell me, but I had read the journal anyway.

Things _had_   been done to him.

A three year-old child.

I suddenly felt a soothing presence, and with a choking sob, I let myself cry.

The fucking Dark Lord was comforting me.

And it made me happy.

___________________________________________________________________

"Ah, miss Crest, here you are!" Said McGonnagal as I entered the hospital wing."I was beginning to think I would have to go looking for you in the btahroom".

"Don't worry," I said with an awkaward smile. "Just had to get my thoughts together. Is Ginny's state any different?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. She seems to have calmed down completely and we are quite sure that she was completely lucid before falling asleep."

I never thought that McGonnagal could look motherly before, but her warm gaze and smile made me feel like a protected child again.

"Thank you." I said, sighing in relief.

I had succeeded. Ginny was safe.

I took a quick peek at her sleeping form, and after making sure that she was safe, went back to the dorms with McGonnagal's approval.

Time to clean up.

I did it quite quickly, stuffing the girls' stuff onto their bed -they would deal with it later- but did clean my stuff and Ginny's, partially because those were the only things I really knew where to put.

I then took the diary out, and wrote:

"I'm done cleaning. What do I do with you know?"

_**Rip the last five pages or so in case you lose one, and put the diary back in Ginny's trunk.** _

"But she never hid you in her trunk."

**_Just hide the journal in there somehow, find somewhere that could explain how she couldn't find it before._ **

"Okay."

I ripped the pages and took Ginny's scarf then wrapped the diary in it and put it in her trunk;

She would hopefully think that she hid it there and would find it next time she wanted to put it on.

Then I remembered that the scarf had been discarded in one corner of the room and that I would never have missed the diary while tidying the stuff if it had been in the scarf.

Holding back a groan, I though again for a second -no more because I did not quite have the needed brain capacity to do so anymore- and left it in the scarf, under Ginny's pillow.

When she would come back to the dorm, I would tell her I had found that in the corner with the scarf and hadn't known what to do with it because I had felt its dark aura.

Which was true, it was so very dark even now I still had nauseas when taking it.

The worse was when Tom got angry at me for ignoring him, and other kind of things.

I wrote a quick "Done" on one of the pages and fell on my bed, falling asleep instantly.

Even if it was still four in the after-noon.

 

_______________________POV SWITCH LADIES!________________________

 

Tom sat down on the couch, a warm cup of tea in his hands -as was traditional for a british person- and a book hovering in front of him, the pages turning as he read the lines inscribed there.

The journal was, as always, right next to him, a constant reminder of his accidental prisonner state.

And yet, these days, it was also a reminder of the current holder -he had 'affectionnately' called them "Bob"- who was the most interseting one he had ever had so far.

Which was not hard since the only ones had been a pompous blond bastard who had never even talked to him, and an eleven year-old lovesick girl whose only preoccupation was weither her hair were "too red for Hary who might not like this color blah blah blah"

Yeah, at least Bob knew sarcasm, humour, philosophy, _thinking_...

At that thought, Tom realized how hopeless he had become.

Yet, there was something else with Bob. Bob didn't only know how to hold a proper conversation, when talking with them, Tom felt... himself.

Bob had distrusted him at the very beginning, wich, ironically enough, had allowed him not to fake as he had with Ginny.

He also didn't have any underlying plot -yet- as he couldn't use Bob in any way, it was not as in his school years where he always had to be overly sweet to gain people's trust or favors...

No, Bob was blunt in his distrust, but also, strangely enough, didn't seem to care. To them, Tom was some... Uhm... Well, he didn't really know actually. He was quite unable to pinpoint what were Bob's motive. And that unsettled him.

_Damn Bob and his weirdness._

He still remembered the time where Bob had drawn him a Schnout -don't ask him what that was, it was the first time he had seen an animal like that- for fun, at a time where they should have been in class. And they probably were. But then again, it didn't seem to bother Bob much when he was writing to Tom.

Tom sighed, realizing that it was pointless to try and read, and went back to his room's window, through all he could see was blankness. Sometimes there was some vague and shapeless landscape, or vague color patterns -he suspected those reflected his mood but he couldn't say. Unless him being frustrated could be translated in rainbow.

He rubed at his temples, frustrated -this time it was green-brown mush- at how he knew nothing about Bob.

Even using the false name was annoying him right now.

He had been talking with that person for weeks, and aside from them being a student at Hogwarts, he knew nothing about them. _Nothing_!

He had just been about to let a cry of frustration when the journal buzzed at his side.

He rushed to it, and after composing himself, opened it.

And he couldn't believe it.

Not when he learnt that "Bob" was actually Ginny's best friend, an _eleven year old girl_.

Not when Alex was totally fine with giving her soul -because she probably knew she was doing something fishy- to protect the lovesick fool.

Not when Alex said that she had seen someone die in front of her and a child being kidnapped as she was _eight years old_ , and actually felt guilty about this (and also that she felt no lesser secret could form the link).

Not when she just cried and cried and cried at a small wave of comfort he sent her, unsuspicious of how she would react.

And not when, in the morning, she just told him good morning and babbled at how Ginny was okay and talked nonsense, as if nothing had happened. As if nothing had changed.

And Tom was quite uneasy with how much he would like it, if nothing had changed between them.

But then, they weren't really friends, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's latish. I know, it's short. I know. But hell people, I don't have the time!  
> What annoys me most though is how little consistency I have in my writing style. Whatever. 
> 
> I'm pissed at myself right now.  
> Hope you still liked it. See ya. Love ya. Thanks for putting up with me and my sporadic/lame updates.


	12. In need of sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is much too tired and decides to sleep in class, only to be awaken by some surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been long, and I'm extremely sorry about it. It's been almost three months, and some may think I abandonned it, but that's not happening any time soon, I just didn't have time. Truly. This year is end of highschool, which means that these past few months I had to pass several entry exams for the schools I was interested in, plus had my baccalaureat to pass (end of highschool certificate, super annoying and I've only finished friday) and I sort of had to take my week-end to just sleep before putting myself to work on To Protect.  
> Now, you'll see it's short, that's because despite being in my summer holidays I still have a family to care for and had only a little bit of time for you readers, but still wanted to update today so... Yeah. It's short, it's severly late, and I'm super sorry.  
> Hope you'll still like this bis, of course don't hesitate to say your thoughts on it, it will be much appreciated and -hopefully, given my temper- well received.
> 
> Now, enjoy reading that small bit,  
> Sincerely yours,   
> Val.
> 
> PS: I am in dire need of a beta, both to correct my horrible mistakes which I'm too lazy to do myself, and to kick my ass when I'm not updating on time -though now that I'm in holidays it should come back to at least once a week. So, if you want th epost, just send me a comment or whatever. 
> 
> PPS: Thank you for reading all of this AN if you did, and for not giving up on me :')

I sat down at the Gryffindor table, barely awake, my head about to fall in my plate. I was tired. Like, a lot.

Thank you Tom.

He had started preventing me from sleeping at night if he judged that I didn't talk enough with him during the day. Problem is, in the day I had classes, and at night I had sleep!

Well, normally. Right now I had tossing because of headaches.

When the twins came to sit around me, one on each side, I did let my head fall in my plate. 

A distracted shove) from Hermione is the only thing that prevented me from getting egg and other joyous things in my hair.

"So, Alex. How are you doing since our baby sister tried to kill you?"

"I'm fine." I grumbled, face against the table. "Souldn't you be a bit more worried about her?"

"Oh, of course not." Said one.

"Ginny's always been like that" said two.

"Always, you know, going crazy for random reasons and attacking everyone."

"I can't count up to three when I'm tired you know."

My answer was only met with silence. 

Huh.

What had I just said again?

"Yeah. Definitely too tired."

I heard the twins laugh after a small moment of stupor, and they finally left me to sleep on the table, alone.

Hermione had to shake me awake to get me to eat, and took me to the infirmary to get something to wake me up.

"The nurse won't say no, but it's still unhealty, energy gained from sleep is much better than from potions, you have to sleep you know."

"Yeah, say that to my brain. Even when I'm finally alone and able to sleep, it will still come and think. At  _night_! I mean, why?!"

And that was true. Even when Tom would finally leave me to sleep (that usually happened when I started drooling all over the diary) I would still be kept awake at night with thoughts of how much of a lousy protector I am. Colin was paralysed in the hospital wing. Ginny got her soul half-sucked by the most despicable ever. And I was befriending said most despicable dark lord ever. 

What was wrong with me? Did I not have enough friends? Sure, I missed my family and my friends from the before-life, but now I still had Ginny, Eileen, Hermione, the twins, (Colin too, even if he was unable to com and got along well (sort of) with my classmates. Actually, I had more friends than I had in my before-life, so what was the problem? Weren't they nice enough? That was surely not Tom's company that could make up for it. Not funny enough? Yet me, Eileen and Ginny often did such silly things my ribs would hurt from laughing. What did they miss?

Smart. Maturity. Challenge. 

That's what Tom brought me. When I was with him, I didn't feel like a parent caring for a child. I felt like an equal, or even inferior to him. When we teased each other, fighting rhis war of wits, I was amused in a totally different I had with any of my friends. He didn't have me frown at his rudeness or immaturity, everything he said was done with such finesse I was in awe of him and his words. That he knew of so much allowed us to argue about several topics, exchange points of view, learn new things.

That was not something I could have with any of my friends, they were too young. Even Hermione, despite her amazing intelligence couldn't really do it with the amount of sarcasm I liked. And adults only dismissed me because ofmy "young age". 

Tom allowed me to develop, to learn; during our good-natured fights, he made for a challenging and amazing opponent, and when we fought for real, the rush of adrenaline and feeling of being alive were addictive.

Additive.

That's what Tom Marvolo Riddle was.

And despite knowing it, I had let myself get lured like a fly to a lampost.

Only to get burned at the end of the journey.

I sighed, realising just how much of an idiot I had been -and knowing that I would still seek his company despite its eventual negative effects- and focused back on where I was going.  We had just passed in front of the stairs to the dungeons, which meant we would soon arrive to the hospital wing. Indeed, a few turns and about 4 minutes and we were there.

"Ah, Miss Crest, Miss Granger, what can I do for you?" Asked the good-natured nurse. "If you're here to see Colin, I'm afraid you will have to come back at lunch break. Your classes start soon after all."

"No Mrs Pomfrey, we're here for Alex, she doesn't get enough sleep it seems and I thought that maybe an energising potion would do her some good." Said Hermione before letting me speak.

Right, I had forgotten why we had come here.

Mrs. Pomfrey sighed at that, muttering something about how it is unhealthy to live off energising potions (if it were me, I would live off chocolate but... Well, butt) and had me drink two foul-tasting potions before ushering us out of the room. I did get to look at Colin on my way out though. 

He uh... His state was stable. 

Hermione went downstairs to potion class while I had to walk a bit and go up two flight of stairs before reaching my history of magic lesson.

_Hey, now I know when to go sleep! And it's been prescribed by the nurse too so..._

I entered the classroom a little late and saw Ginny and Eileen sitting next to each other at the second row.

I signed them that I was too tired and was going to go sleeping at the back and scurried to take MY seat before anyone else got any ill-advised ideas. 

Once seated, I just put my head between my arms without getting either paper or quill out and slept. 

...

"Tom. You alien weirdass sucker. Why are you waking me up?" I mumbled between my arms -sound muffled by my drool and arms- when I felt a poking on my head.

But, wait. The diary was back in my satchel. On the floor. My head was on the desk about a meter above it.

The poking having stopped, I slowly raised my head and... saw the most dazzling boy I had ever seen

He had some dark brown hair, slightly curly on the neck and the forehead, but in any case, perfectly styled. He had a well defined jaw but not too wide either, a refined nose, thin and elegant, high cheekbones that highlighted some vivid grey-blue eyes, iris surrounded by a dark ring, long dark eyelashes, and lower were the most sensual lips I had ever seen, turned into a smirk.

I stared for a few, very long seconds, that smug smirk still adorning that handsome face, and suddenly took my satchel and rushed out of the classroom to the nearest bathroom -ironically enough, the second-floor one.

I turned back and, surely enough, that boy was still here.

"Tom?!" I hissed. "What does that mean? What are you doing here?!"

His smug grin only grew into a full-blown smile, obviously happy to see me so shocked.

Fucker.


	13. A bit of bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so much of a filler, but really, just needed to get my mind off things for a while and, well, writing is as good a way as any. You know, by this point, much more things were supposed to have happened, but that it's going a bit slower may be for the best. Makes for more reading material ;)  
> Now, hope you'll enjoy it, and as usual, don't hesitate to comment, blah blah blah............................................................................................................................................
> 
> ...
> 
> Also, I think I need a new brain, does anyone know where I can get one?

_The poking having stopped, I slowly raised my head and... saw the most dazzling boy I had ever seen_

_He had some dark brown hair, slightly curly on the neck and the forehead, but in any case, perfectly styled. He had a well defined jaw but not too wide either, a refined nose, thin and elegant, high cheekbones that highlighted some vivid grey-blue eyes, iris surrounded by a dark ring, long dark eyelashes, and lower were the most sensual lips I had ever seen, turned into a smirk._

_"Tom?!" I hissed. "What does that mean? What are you doing here?!"_

_His smug grin only grew into a full-blown smile, obviously happy to see me so shocked._

_Fucker_

"My, Alex, how do you know that is me?" he asked, still smiling, and starting circling me. "But then again, you've always been so full of surprise haven't you? Your appearance alone is a surprise? I never thought that you would look quite as... disheveled."

I slapped his hand awway from my -true enough, disheveled- hair, and glared at him.

He was seriously freaking me out right now, and all he cared about was my appearance? Did he annoy me on purpose?

 _Probably_ , I thought as I saw an amused grin replace the disapproving look he had gained upon seeing how full of knots my hair was. Eileen had tried to get me to brush my mane more often, but really, I had other things to do.

"Well, if you want to know everything, it's kind of hard to look presentable when you can't even have a full night's sleep." I snapped.

The almost-guilty look that appeared on his face made my heart skip a beat.

_Damn, did he have to be so handsome?_

_Yes. Of course he had. I mean, it's Tom bloody Riddle. If he were ugly it wouldn't be him anymore. But well, if I keep in mind that he's only 16, and thus seven years younger than me, I have little chances to develop a crush right?_

Then I realized that from what he had told me, he had been in that diary for 50 years, which meant that he wasn't 16, but 76. 

Like, 53 years older than me. 

Well, that was too old, so it was stil-

_Huh. Since when is the thought of developping a crush on Tom into my brain?_

I let out a groan when I realized that my life had gotten yet again too complicated for my little brain, and Tom chose that moment to quip up.

"Well, I see that it isn't only on the page that you stop interacting with others and get lost in thoughts. What were you thinking about?"

"Just doing some calculus." I said dryly, trying to hide my blush - _yup, definitely screwed_ \- behind my hair.

"Glad to know that some numbers are so much more interesting than me" he almost-pouted, seemingly upset.

"Chillax mate" I said, laughing. "Really, numbers are far more interesting than anything onearth, no need to get jealous" I teased, expecting a scoff in answer.

Instead, he just stared at me weirdly. 

I was gonna ask if I had something in my face -and given my close encounter with my plate at breakfast, I probably did- when his face showed the most confused look and he said:

"You know, as much as to read sarcasm or having someone mocking me on a page feels, if inhabitual, within the boundaries of what can be defined as normal, to see an eleven years old gryffindor girl speak like this is extremely... weird."

I didn't even bother helding back my grin at that, far too amused by his confusion.

"You see dear, I've always taken a liking to weirding people out".

And with that, I picked up my satchel from the floor and got back to class before anyone thought me dead, Tom -whom apparently was invisible to everyone but me- trailing behind me.

Once we were back to class and seated, I tried to listen but to no avail. 

I did have a nice laugh when Tom, turning to me said "And what the hell does 'chillax' even mean?",  obviously upset not to know something.

 

...

 

I layed awake in the morning, Tom still sleeping in the diary, thinking about how vulnerable I was now more than ever. Because a face, especially one as handsome as Tom's, was bound to surface in my mind at one point. Which meant that if I were to cross Dumbledoer's gaze at the wrong moment, I might very well be discovered.

Hence that whole "I'm in a kilometer deep shit" mood I had.

_I need to learn occlumency._

To be honest, I should have done that ages ago, if I had made a to-do list upon arriving here, that would have been at the top.

But I never did any to-do list upon arriving here. So...

I needed to learn occlumency.

And preferably without Tom knowing it -which would be harder now that he could just pop up next to me when he wanted to. If there was any way for me to gain an advantage without his knowledge, then I had to do it -plus, I didn't want to have him mocking me at every failed attemps.

I sighed loudly, uncaring of my roomates' sleep -because caring and being attentionate were never gryffindor traits- and started to get myself ready for the day and, after leaving a note to Ginny in case she woke up, headed to the library.

As I picked books such as 'Occlumency For Beginners' or 'The Basic Teachings For Occlumency', or yet again 'How To Shield Your Mind', I focused on the feelings I received from the diary, careful that Tom wouldn't stirr and awake. I felt a chill run down my spine as I remembered that time when he told me that he could fake his feelings, but didn't stop navigating the shelves full of books. I couldn't live in the fear that he was lying all the time

Once I had gathered half a dozen books, I decided that I had tempted fate enough and went to the librarian to borrow them, then went back to the dorm quickly.

I would read the books later, for now I just put them in my trunk and changed the note I had left for Ginny from "I went to the library" to "I'm already eating breakfast".

And with that, I did go to the Great Hall to eat. Few students were there -I had awoken earlier than I thought- but most teachers were already at the table, obviously ready to start with their day. 

Not Snape and Lockart though. Indeed, the blond horror was continuously talking to the potion professor, and er... batting his eyelashes?

_I thought Snape wasn't his type?_

"Alex, you naughty girl, are you spying on people?" asked a voice behind me.

Surprised, I choked on my fruit juice and started coughing uncontrollably, some of my drink dribbling down my cheeks.

Once I had successfully calmed my spasm and avoided drowning in my own mouth, I turned back to a smug bastard, glaring.

"Was that really necessary?!" I hissed.

He raised his eyebrows at that, and indicated the others around me that were staring because of my fit.

At first, I didn't understand and only shot him a confused look.

That made him facepalm -I had taught him that- and shake in reprimed laughter.

_Huh. What now?_

"Dear" he finally said with a grin. "They can't see me. To them, you're speaking alone."

_Ah. Right._

I blinked. 

Turned back to my plate.

And ate.

Because I had decided that from now on, I was going to ignore the bastard. He deserved it.

Instead from looking at him, I focused back on the teacher's table, where Lockart had sped things up.

At least that's what I had deduced when I saw his hand on Severus' thigh -seriously, did they not realize that, the staff table being higher than the student's, we could see everything that happened under there?

When Tom saw where my attention was, and noticed  _that hand_ , he looked at me with mischievous eyes and showed me an exact copy of the diary in my satchel, where he had written:

_Eavesdropping charm:  auscultatio sobrie_

My eyes widened as I saw that, and with the quill he had in hand, he showed me the correct wand movements, winking.

I smiled, positively surprised, and cast the spell. It took me a few tries, but in the end, I made it work.

And the result was rather interesting indeed.

"Come on Severus" said Lockart, getting closer to Snape to whisper in his ear. "I know you want it, you want me. Why resist temptation?"

"I do not know what you're talking about." replied Snape stiffly. Aw, he was getting flustered, how cute. "You must be imagining things Lockart".

"Oh, please Severus.  _Call me Gilderoy_ " the blond man all but purred in the potion teacher's ear, getting him blushing alright, and me with it.

 _Damn_. The man may be dimwitted, but he sure knew how to make himself sound...  _erotic_.

I cancelled the charm after that and turned my back to the staff's table, feeling guilty for what I just did.

"A bit late for that, don't you think?" Said Tom who was sitting next to me, a smug grin on his face.

I mumbled a small "Shaddap" with a mouth full of pancakes and took the diary out to talk with him without looking crazy.

"Did you hear what they said just now?" I wrote.

"Of course I did" he replied with a shark-like grin. "Looks like your incompetent teacher is hitting on the Slytherin head of house".

"Tom, you stop that cackling right now, I'm not quite ready to see your evil side in its entirety."

That only made him cackle once more, with a wiggling eyebrows this time.

 _Someone is in a good mood._ I thought with a smile at that uncharacteristic behaviour.

Then I shuddered as I realized that him being in a good mood was nowhere near a good sign. More like an alarm blaring "SOMEHTING IS ABOUT TO GO WRONG, TO ALL PEOPLE, ABANDONN THE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPP!!"

I eyed him suspiciously, wary of what he intended to do -or worse, what he had already done- and the grin he shot me in answer was not really reassuring me.

I pointed at my eyes with my index and middle finger, and shot them back at him by rotating my wrist, mouthing the words "I'm watching you".

I seemingly can't mouth very well as I had to mouth it again thrice before he understood what I meant. Kind of destroyed the intended effect.

I resumed eating my lunch in silence, only occasionally raising my head to the staff's table to peek at the incongruous couple, while Tom just strod between the tables, examining all the students until he eventually grew bored of it and went back to the diary.

I was about to finish my breakfast -actually fighting with myself to decide wether I should take another piece of chocolate tart or not- when Ginny sat down beside me with all the elegance and gracefulness of a one-legged hyppopotamus, whereas Luna slid on the bench in front of us.

I blinked at the blond girl for a while, surprised that she joined us -she got along pretty well with Ginny but I never really got to know her- but finally shrugged when she gave me a distracted smile.

"Glad to eat with you Luna, we really needed a blond-haired girl in our group. You know, I have the brown hair, Ginny has the orange, Eileen the black -well, almost, more like dark brown- and now a blond one."

Ginny stared at me weirdly, and when Luna nodded in agreement with me, saying that balance should be at the core of everything, she just threw her hands and eyes to the sky in an over-dramatic way and picked whichever food was at range to eat.

 _I think. That I am actually getting better at socializing_.

I ignored the urge to laugh in mockery to myself as I thought that and decided that, yes, the chocolate tart did deserve to be given the honor of being eaten by me.


	14. Mind practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two updtaes in two days? Yay for holidays!
> 
> A bit less Tom in this chapter, but more plot development. Next chapter will be more interesting in plot though *wiggle eyebrows*
> 
> And uh, just to precise, there won't be no Alex/Tom, at least I don't intend it to. They're friends (sort of) but that's all.
> 
> And yeah, I should warn you because I think that Lockart/Snape is going to be a full fic thing. (And if you find that pairing interesting, try reading "Nothing Between the Ears" by Do_Sugar_High).

It was dinner, normal, plain dinner. 

Tom was back in the diary -resting, because apparently leaving it to get in our universe was hard and took a lot of energy, Ginny had gone to the Ravenclaw table to eat with Luna and Eileen, and I was seated next to Hermione, Harry and Ron -whose eating habits were really unhealthy, and he definitely needed to keep his mouth shut while chewing.

They were chatting about how they were certain that Malfoy was the heir of Slytherin -made me think that I still hadn't confronted Tom about that- and I just kept nodding along wityh an amused smile because, yes, a twelve years old spoilt child was so obviously responsible for all this mayhem, who else?

The only thing that made my smile a bit strained was the burning gaze I felt in my neck.

And even if every time I turned to the staff's table, noone up there seemed to be paying close attention to me, I still had my suspicions as to who was looking at me.

"Alex, did you get into trouble lately?" Asked Hermione.

"No, why?"

"Well, mate, I don't know how to break it out to you, but Dumbledore's throwing at you the most vicious stare I've ever seen on his face. I didn't even know he could make such an expression."

And Ron just confirmed my fears.

Dumbledore was after me, and I could only pray that it was because of my late night escapade to the kitchens thirsday and not anything related to, say, a piece of the most evil dark lord ever's soul that was trapped in a diary in the form of a talking diary.

_Less and less trapped in that book though._

I sighed at that, and, slowly, turned my head to the staff's table for the eleventh time this evening.

And he was once agin seated at a different place than the ten previous times, talking to a different person, and still, somehow, turned toward me.

_Isn't he even supposed to be at the headmaster's seat? I mean, he does have his own designated seat -throne- as headmaster._

And yet, tonight, for the sake of keeping an eye on me, he kept changing seats.

_I am so doomed_. I thought as I let my head fall back on the table.

"Alex, I don't know what you did, but maybe it would be better if you went to Dumbledore" Said Harry. "And well, it's not like the outcome would be horrible. Ron and I came in a flying car this year and we barely got punished for it!"

"That, Harry, is because you are Dumbles' precious savior." I said matter-of-factly. "Plus, have you seen his glare? 'Cause just from the intensity of it, I can tell that whatever I did, he is  _pissed_."

Hermione clicked her tongue at my language, but didn't reproach me otherwise. She had given up on that long ago -and after, I wondered how Ginny could be so foul-mouthed. I had completely corrupted the red-hair.

Harry, on his part, threw me a sheepish look of encouragement, and they went back to their talk about polyjuice. Really, couldn't they be any less discreet? If Snape was passing by right now, he would hear them immediatly, and then bye-bye the trip to Slytherin common room.

The potion professor was busy elsewhere though.

I coughed as I saw that Lockart was fondling his feet under the table -and really, couldn't they be any less discreet?- and decided that I had had enough of looking at the staff table for tonight and went instead to the common room after finishing my meal at the fastest pace ever.

At least, that's what I had intended to do, and then I recalled something.

Something about a seventh floor and pacing...

_The Room of Requirement! How could I have forgotten that?!_

I climbed the stairs running -which was hard since they wre, you know,  _moving_ \- and once I got at the seventh floor, stopped moving.

Because, knowing where the seventh floor was was nice, but uhm... Where exactly was that room? 

I groaned and banged my head on the nearest wall, damning my stupidity. 

_Damn you, stupidity._

I brainstormed by myself, trying desperately to find that cursed room.

_There was something about a tapestry... I think it is situated across one. And... dancing trolls? Yeah, I definitely remember something about dancing trolls, and a banana._

_Er... Maybe no banana. Nope, something that sounded like it, but not a banana._

I sighed again, and started walking down the hall in search of a tapestry with dancing trolls and, maybe, a banana.

It took me fifteen minutes to actually have a decent idea:

_Ask. A. Fucking. Portrait._

I facepalmed, obviously angry at my forehead this evening, and went back on my steps to ask a portrait I had just passed.

"Excuse me sir," I called out to a portrait where a wizard clad in dark blue robes was seemingly fighting a green horned dragon. If I recalled correctly, it was romanian longhorn, but I wasn't sure.

Upon hearing my call, the wizard wved to the dragon to sit down, and walked towards me -which was weird, because the painting didn't move, he just moved in it to come closer and... Yeah, weird.

"Hello fair lady, in what way can I help you?"

"Well, um..." I started, suddenly self-conscious about how stupid what I was gonna ask sounded. "I was wondering if you knew about a tapestry with dancing trolls, and hum... something about a banana or stuff..."

I finished my sentence mumbling, severly hoping that he wouldn't hear that thing about a banana.

He just stared at me for a few seconds, blinking in stupor, before he suddenly burst laughing, his head thrown back in a bark.

I pouted slightly, a tid bit annoyed, as he wheezed. And wheezed. And wheezed.

He finally caught his breath and wiped a tear of laughter from his eyes, obviously trying very hard not to laugh again.

He looked at me and failed.

I let out a frustrated sigh and was about to leave, pissed that he was mocking me, when he called me back, a grin on his face.

"Wait, please young lady. Please, do not take offense at my little outburst, but you see, what you just referred as a banana is, I think, Barnabas the Barmy, a fool who tried to teach trolls how to dance -as depicted in that tapestry. What is funny, is that despite his foolishness, he keeps having an ego as big as a mountain, and, well, for him to be called a banana is simply hilarious".

I grinned, looking at the floor, because I had to admit that yes, it  _was_  funny. Plus, he wasn't really mocking me so, no need to sulk anymore.

The wizard, who I discovered was called Siegfried Starmaster, gently offered to take me to the tapestry where Sir banana, as he was now determined to call him, resided with his trolls.

I had a nice chat with him as he went from portrait ta portrait at my side, mostly about all the things he accomplished during his life. But well, he had done many things obviously.

Once we got there, he explained Barnabas the Barmy my small mistake from earlier, but I quickly zoned out as I thought about the Room of Requirement that was hidden just behind me.

I was about to start pacing in front of the room, regardless of the two painted characters seeing me, when I caught a flash of fushia in the corner of my eye.

And as I turned, I saw the only person -aside from Lockart- that would actually be completely fine with wearing fushia and purple robes.

Headmaster Albus Percival Something Dumbledore, CHief of Warlack and stuff.

_That man, has a way too long name. I wonder if he actually says it in its entirety when he introduces himself?_

Aside from that, the question was, what was he doing here? There was almost nothing on the seventh floor, why would he be here?

I diverted my glance back to the tapestry and the men teasing each other in there to make sure I wouldn't meet his gaze unpurposefully, and started thinking before he got to me.

_He doesn't know the RoR is here, better not to get there when he's watching. He suspects me for some reason, but I can't see how he could suspect me -unless the house elves denounced me. I stll don't know how to do occlumency, my late night training bringing me more of a headache than any mind-shielding. Tom's diary is right in my satchel, if Dumbledore finds it he's gonna take him away from me, and possibly send me for a little kiss with dementors._

_Prognostic: I'm gonna die. Bye Tom, it was nice meeting you._

"Ah, miss Crest, could it be that you lost yourself?"

I did not have to fake my surprise as his voice sounded right behind my ear, making me jump.

"Professor Dumbledore." I greeted, "I'm not lost, at least I don't think so, it's just that uh... Well, you see, it's slightly embarassing..."

I rubbed my neck in fake embarassment, avoiding having to look at him in the eyes

"I know that betting is wrong, but, well, I knew that I had heard about the tapestry of mister Barmy and his trolls, though I couldn't recall where, and when I talked about it, Jessica wouldn't believe me, saying that a tapestry with a banana and dancing trolls just couldn't exist, that it was ridiculous, so I made her promise that if I was right, then she would have to give me a 15 knuts, I know I shouldn't have, but I just saw a way to make a little money because otherwise I can't and... Well, I'm sorry."

I let a few seconds follow my patched up lie, but after a while without any answer, I hesitantly looked up.

Dumbledore had either been paralyzed just now without my knowledge, or I had just remotely fried his brain.

_I think the brain is fried._  I thought after seeing him blink.

"Ah, well, I can't really see how betting 15 knuts could be such a horrible thing," he suddenly chuckled as if he hadn't just stayed rooted and unmoving for several long seconds. "But, well, if you aren't lost, then everything is alright. I wish you a nice evening miss Crest, and good luck with your bet".

With that, he winked, turned on his heels, and left.

Well. Maybe I sucked at occlumency -as all my tries at occlumency had resulted in failure until now, according to the veritaserum test-but I was good at lying, and obviously, not thinking about the wrong things for small amount of time.

I finally paced before the wall, and as soon as the door opened, entered the Room of Requirement.

Even if the technical aspect of my work had until now offered very few results, I had learned many things about occlumency and legilimensy.

For example, there were some natural occlumen and legilimens, though they still needed to work on their skill to hone them and become stronger. A person born legilimens couldn't also be born an occlumens and vice-versa, at birth you could only be one. An occlumens was also immune to veritaserum to a certain degree -until the dose was so strong you basically died of overdose.

There were some strong difference in power in the mental domain depending on your strength of will, and not on your magical core as I had originally assumed. Another proof that Voldemort was gifted everywhere, not only magically powerful.

_Asshole_.

There were also several 'layers' of thoughts, which led to several 'level' of occlumency.

The easiest level was to hear what was called the "first layer", such as the thoughts that one would form in their head as if speaking outloud.

_More or less like when I said Dumbledore's brain was fried. Huh. He probably heard that._

The second layer was what we would think and put in words, but behind the first. For example, thinking about a text while trying to learn it by heart, or listing something, while behind, thoughts such as "I have to pee" formed.

This was, apparently, the first step of occlumency, projecting dumb thoughts on the first layer while actually using rationality at the second layer in the hope to overwhelm the legilimen you were facing. This was extremely easy to do, and most people, wizard and muggle, could do it, and did it daily unconsciously. Unfortunately, it was also extremely easy to get through it. The eye contact needed was a basic one, and no spell even needed to be thrown to get through these two layers of thoughts.

The third layer was a bit harder to reach and interpret, first because it was farther in the mind, but also because it was mostly composed of sounds, images, smells, impressions, no formed thoughts. More like the beginning of a thought. Most part of the time, these would be very hard to comprehend because of their variety, and moreover, number. Indeed, these "drafts" of thoughts didn't all grow to become coherrent thoughts in the first and second layer. They were hypothesis that it was the source of most of our emotions, but it had never been proven yet. In any case, this layer of thoughts was so confusing it was often dismissed by legilimens who only "passed" it to get to the fourth layer.

The fourth layer, like the third, needed the spell legilimens to be thrown, preferably outloud -unless you were Voldemort, or Dumbledore on a good day. It was also the one the most coveted by evil masterminds as this is where the memories were, visible to every competent legilimens.

This is how thinking was divided:

Voice,

Rationality, 

Subconscious,

Memory.

And I was unable to hide any of those layers. I was at the mercy if every legilimens.

I let out of sigh of consternation and let my head fall back on the backrest of the couch I was in.

Then startled.

I had been so absorbed in my thoughts I hadn't even taken a look at the room I was in, just automatically going to the nearest seat.

And, even if I hadn't been thinking about anything special when I paced in front of the wall, the Room of Requirement had given me quite a surprise.

Indeed, what I saw was a mixt between my old room, a comfortable study and a library. The couch I was in had once belonged to my sister, she had given it to me as she had mooved out with her boyfriend.

I smiled as I fingered the old used fabric of the couch, memories of my family flooding at the forefront of my mind.

I stood up and examined the room more closely, noticing the stuff that I knew -the carpet with the burnt trace a candle had left, the horrible lamp I had bought after a bet with friends, my mug with written "Cuz a boss never gives up" on it- but also furnitures I had never seen before -the desk made of wood, the shelves full of books that seemed about to break from the weight, the glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

It was an odd mix between the comfort and casualness and my old life and the old luxury from Hogwarts.

And, strangely, I felt rather comfortable in here.

I posed my stachel on a small table and went for the shelves to look for books on occlumency that would, hopefully, be more useful than the ones I had already picked up at the library.

I worked on it for about two hours before resigning myself: I sucked at this.

What I was reading in "Occlumency for Stupid People" -that the RoR had provided me with it had slightly hurt my ego, I have to admit it- only confirmed it.

_"If after working on it for more than two weeks you still cannot empty your mind, then give up, you're too much of an idiot to learn occlumency. To test wether your mind is empty or not, hold a mood ball, and if it becomes colored, then you failed."_

I had been holding that mood ball for who knows how long now, and it still wouldn't change color. Now, it was both red and purple, if I remembered well, it was a mix of anger and despair. 

In other words, frustration.

I banged my head to the nearest wall, and once I decided that my skull had had enough for today, let myself slid to the ground.

Right next to a vynil record. With "Party Rock Anthem — LMFAO" written on it.

I let out a surprised chuckle and looked around the round and, yep, sure enough, there was an old-fashionned turntable that had appeared on the desk, and next to it, a pile of other vynil records.

_Wow. Hogwarts just cheered me up. Love that castle._

I smiled and scrambled to my feet -because I was, as usual, working on the ground- and ran to the desk, put the record in the turntable and let the music play.

I needed to  _dance_  right now. If Tom came out of the diary he would think me crazy, but right now, I didn't care. I just felt like losing my mind.

Which I did. And did. And did. And did again.

I played Party Rock Anthem, then Happy, then One More Time, then Beat it -because every one likes Michael Jackson- and was about to play Don't Stop me Now, but I was stopped.

Or more like, my heart stopped.

Because, while I was dancing like crazy in the middle of the room, a Tom Riddle had appeared, casually leaning in the desk's seat, feet laid just next to the turntable.

And on his face was the most amused grin I had ever seen on his face.

"If you saw your face right now." He just said.

And, wincing, I imagined it.

Given how much I had jumped around, I was probably red-faced, sweaty, my hair going completely crazy, and a look at my body confirmed it, my clothes completely rumpled.

Yeah, a perfectly proper state if you asked me.

"How long have you been here?" I asked, an ecstatic smile on my face.

Damn, I had needed that.

"About 15 minutes, by I only just showed myslef."

"Huh, you can do that? I mean, come out of the diary without me seeing you?" I asked as I sat down, breatless.

"It would appear so. Anyway, what's with all these occlumency books? You're trying to learn how to shield your mind?"

"Yeah, or at least I did." I said, finding no use in hiding it anymore. "This shit is way too hard, I uh... I'm not made for this."

"Yeah, you don't really seem like the type to be able to do that." Said Tom as he sat back correctly, with his feet on the ground instead of on the desk. "You're not a secretive person, at least not naturally. You think a lot, like, always, and feel the need to just share it with people. Occlumency is not for you. You wouldn't make a good legilimens either, with your whole 'respect of privacy' moral" he finished with airquotes, and I just answered with a "gna  gna gna" because maturity was lame.

I was slightly relieved though. If I was a bad occlumens, it was not because I was weak, but because of my personnality. And, strangely enough, I was glad that, despite being friends with Voldemort of all people, I had not been influenced so much that I would start being a super secretive person and effective liar, even in my mind.

_Still, it would be more useful if I could shield my thoughts._


	15. A short lasting peace

I sat at my desk in defence against the dark arts, pondering on philosophical questions so deep I wasn't sure anyone had ever asked themselves those questions.

Troubled by where my thoughts were heading, I poked Ginny out of her "drooling of admiration because professor Lockhart is sooo handsome" and shared with her my worries.

"Do you think Summer is the least favorite season of vampires? I mean, nights get shorter in summer, and they get burnt by the sun which is so much more present in summer so they can only come at night which represents, like, seven hours at top? Not even a third of the day! Plus everyone but them go the the beach and they're all talking about having a wonderful tan but the vampires can't get tan. I mean, if I were a vampire, I would hate summer."

"Maybe" answered Ginny with a shrug. "But since none of us are vampires, I don't think anyone really cares about vampire's preferences."

Then she just went back to her previous occupation, leaving me to ponder on new philosophical questions: Should we not care about something just because it doesn't concern us?

I chuckled at myself when I realised that I had not been listening to a word of Lockart's class -- not that I was missing anything. A look around the room confirmed what I had just supposed: no-one was actually listening.

Children were either chatting, playing exploding snap - a perfectly acceptable practice in class apparently-, reading their text books - smart children - and some were even sleeping.

Of course, some paid attention to the teacher. But that didn't mean that they were listening either. Indeed, they were either practicing the same exercise as Ginny or throwing murderous glares at him for being incompetent or vain or haughty or full of himself or because their beloved was entranced by the blond haired teacher.

Or all of the above.

As for said incompetent, vain, haughty, full of himself teacher, he couldn't care less as he was reciting his monologue. Literally.

Indeed, after his repeated failures in the first month, he decided to compose his lessons with endless reading of his numerous books. And since apparently no-one but him could read -and yes, I was surprised too when I learnt he could read- he decided he would be the one to read. During the whole lesson. A one hour long reading seance of the most annoying books by the most annoying person on earth.

The worst was probably how he would laugh at his own jokes or be amazed at his own writing and expect us to applaud.

I think I vomited a little in my mouth once. The quality made me quite sick you see.

And so, unable to pay attention to the lesson for medical reasons, I was doomed to being bored.

I had always lived school. Really. No I hadn't.

But then, an idea emerged in my brain, and I decised to carry it out. I still had 40 minutes of lesson with that douche, and I was mentally unable to carry it out. So, I just had to dodge it.

I got up, took my satchel with me and left the classroom, barely stopping to tell Ginny I would see her at the next period. As for Lockhart... Well, he was too subjugated by hilslef to pay any attention to me.

"Free. I am. Free!" I cried once I was out. And, for some reason, I wanted to say it in German. Despite being unable to speak German.

_Yeah... I'm weird am I not?_

I shook my head lightly, and headed towards the library to do something useful for once.

Only, on the way there, I saw a certain transfiguration professor.

_Crap. Busted_

"Miss Crest." Said the professor seemingly surprised. "Shouldn't you be in class at this hour?"

"Er... Yes, I should."

"Then why aren't you?"

"I'm supposed to have Defense miss." I said with a sheepish smile that yelled 'Please have mercy on my soul!'

She just looked at me for a moment, and then, with a smile she said "Well, I guess that if you are going to the library to find some studying material for professor Lockhart, you're not breaking any rules are you?"

I just stared, wide-eyed. Had she just allowed me to escape the dreadful torture of Lockhart's lessons?!

Jesus, I loved that woman.

I nodded enthusiastically and, with a determined pace, went to my beloved shelves of books.

Such tranquility.

And indeed, tranquility it was, for I had earlier forgotten Tom's pages in the dorm, and thus, I was finally, happily, blissfully alone.

... What do you mean I had left him on purpose? I have no idea what you're talking about.

I put down my satchel at my table and wandered among the shelves, looking for any interesting titles, and after a few minutes, I did find one:  _"The proprieties of parseltongue", by Alphonse de Breumière, 1938_

_(hah, a French dude)_

Given whom I was friends with, voledmort and Harry Potter, maybe it would be a good idea to learn a bit of that stuff.

I took the book in my arms, cursing this small body of mine, and with a good amount of troubles carried it all the way to my table.

_What one wouldn't do for knowledge?_

I sat down and took a good look at the cover.

Unsurprisingly, it was of a dark green, although the golden writing I wasn't expecting. Shouldn't it have been silver? But then again, gold on green made for a wonderful visual effect.

 _Stop admiring the book's aesthetic Alex and study it_  I scolded myself.

I opened it and looked at the table of contents.

:

_1-... The origins of parseltongue.............. p. 6_

_2-... Why parseltongue can not be be learnt.............. p. 42_

_3-... How to recognize parseltongue when you hear it .............. p. 72_

_4-... The affects parseltongue has on reptilians.............. p. 98_

_5-... Wizards and witches affiliated with parsletongue.............. p. 137_

_6-... Parseltongue and mind magic.............. p. 162_

_7-... Parsletongue and rituals.............. p. 205_

_8-... Should we fear a person who can speak parseltongue?.............. p. 248_

_9-... Acknowledgments.............. p. 251_

That was the problem with interesting books. You never knew where to start it.

_Well, guess I can only borrow the book and read it bit by bit._

Although, the last chapter intrigued me. It was only made of two pages. Either the author was extremely biased and didn't think it useful to put arguments and examples, or he didn't have anything to say about that, but in that case why do a chapter about it?

I sighed and opened the book, determined to get to the end of it.

 _Although getting to the start seems a good idea too_.

###  _Chapter One: The Origins Of Parseltongue_

_Many assume that Parseltongue was created by Phillipus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim (1493—1541), more commonly known as Paracelsus, a very secretive alchemist that is also considered by many as a genius of medecine._   _Paracelsus had many bold theories for the medieval times he was born into, and very few is known of him. Yet, the assumption he created it is wrong, for that he merely_  discovered  _it._   _Indeed, evidence point that Parseltongue existed long before Paracelsus, one of them being Salazar Slytherin himself who lived in the 11th century and whose skill to talk to snakes is unfamous._

 _And although some knew Paracelsus was not the first Parseltongue to live, of them again, many assume wrong._   _Even more believed than that Paracelsus created Parseltongue is the fact that Salazar Slytherin did._   _But during my years of research on the subject, I found that another parslemouth existed, long before Salazar Slytherin._   _This wizard was Herpo the Foul_.  _Herpo the Foul is a wizard from ancient Greece, who was born around three century before Jesus Christ_.  _He is known mostly by scholars, and even then what is remembered of him are usually the curses and rituals he developed during his life._ _But Herpo the Foul was also one of the earliest parseltongues to live._   _A few testimonies spoke of nameless wizards that were able to talk to snakes, yet the name of Herpo the Foul comes several times in such testimonies, which leads me and my colleagues to believe that not only was he a parselmouth, he also didn't bother hiding it._   _Indeed, Herpo the Foul was a fearful wizard, one of the first to be practising black magic such as blood rituals which involved reptilian parts -not so surprising given his parselmouth skills- but also one of the only wizards to succeed in creating a hocrux._   _It is said that he-_ "

_Wait, what?!_

I re-read the last few lines and yes, Herpo the Foul did make a hocrux or so the book said.

_Seriously, are all dark wizards subscribed to parseltongue and soul tearing or what?_

I shut my eyes and, pinching the bridge of my nose, let out an annoyed sigh.

I just wanted to learn about parseltongue, not hocruxes. We're they both linked in some way? I mean, it did seem a bit big that two of the strongest dark wizards to ever live were parseltongue  **and**  had made one or several hocruxes. Too big to be a coincidence.

I let out another sigh and, realizing that it would soon be the end of the Dada lesson, stood up to borrow the book.

Mrs. Pince rather liked me, or at least that's how I interpreted the lack of glare she gave me when I spoke with her. Honestly, she barely scowled when I asked to borrow the book and as I thanked her with a smile I could swear she smiled back, as tiny and quick as it was.

My mood a bit lightened up -especially when I remembered I had skipped most of the Dada lesson- I walked toward the dorms.

I couldn't exactly leave Tom alone all day after all. Actually, I already had a headache the closest I got to the dorms. He really was mad at me.

" _Tom if you want me to actually be able to get close to the dorms stop giving me brain boiling headaches_ " I sent toward him, and after one last spike of pain it blessedly stopped.

Tom and his moods.

I quickly entered the common room, ran the few flight of stairs to the girls dorms, opened the door and, suddenly taking an extremely slow pace, headed toward my bed where the pages were hidden.

"Alex, just hurry up or you will get late to classes"

I jumped as I heard Tim's voice and, sure enough, he was resting against the wall when I turned around.

"Damn it Tom, dont scare me like that, you'll give me a heart attack one of these days" I said with a glare as I went to pick up the pages as well as my books for the next lesson - going back to walking with a normal pace.

"I wouldn't have scared you if you hadn't left me in here"

"I didn't mean to do it. I just er, forgot." It didn't sound convincing even to my own ears.

"Alex, I'm not stupid." Said Tom as he came towards me and helped me gather my things, an annoyed look still on his face. "I know you did it on purpose, which is cruel of you as you know I can only go where the pages go."

"Oh come  _on_  Tom. It was only for two hours at most, it can't be that bad, and I just wanted to be alone for awhile, really alone without having Ginny nagging at me or Dumbledore looking me wrong, or you being you or-"

I stopped my rant when I saw the look on his face. A look that seemed interested, but also detached. A look that made me scared, because Tom Riddle was not someone by whom you wanted to be looked as some test subject.

"Alex, what is this?" he asked in a calm -too calm- voice, the book of Alphonse De Breumière in his hands.

And, between his index and middle finger of the hand holding the book, I could see a number. A date. 1938.

Oh, I had already seen the date before. I simply didn't  _see_.

And how could I have been so daft, even more when I saw that hocruxes were mentioned.

This book was probably, unless I was extremely lucky, the book that Tom had read during his years at hogwarts, the book that had mentioned the hoxruxes and made him interested in such dark arts.

I looked back up to him and couldn't stop myself from thinking with pleading eyes:

_Please don't think I'm aiming to become a dark wizard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look who's back after, what, 4 months of absence already?! And with a cliffhanger?! No, I would never do that, I'm a respectable author am I not? Hahaha, no you're right I'm not. Anyway, I wanted to say I'm sorry for being gone for so long, I've been uh, busy and never really got to finish this chapter before today (the first half was actually done more than two months ago). Unfortunately this is a short chapter, but better than nothing right? And I will get around to writing more POVs than just Alex's (lol, a pov of Colin in paralysis) I just need more time T. T  
> But yeah, thanks for sticking with me despite the delay ;)


	16. Shit goes down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's in the title peeps.

**Previously, in To Protect:** _  
_

_I shook my head lightly, and headed towards the library to do something useful for once._

_I put down my satchel at my table and wandered among the shelves, looking for any interesting titles, and after a few minutes, I did find one: "The proprieties of parseltongue", by Alphonse de Breumière, 1938_

_Herpo the Foul was a fearful wizard, one of the first to be practising black magic such as blood rituals which involved reptilian parts -not so surprising given his parselmouth skills- but also one of the only wizards to succeed in creating a hocrux._

_I jumped as I heard Tom's voice and, sure enough, he was resting against the wall when I turned around._

_"Alex, what is this?" he asked in a calm -too calm- voice, the book of Alphonse De Breumière in his hands._

_I looked back up to him and couldn't stop myself from thinking with pleading eyes: Please don't think I'm aiming to become a dark wizard._

"Oh please", answered Tom, having obviously read my thoughts. "As much as you try to be secretive, I know you enough to know you would never even dream to be a dark wizard, nor are you interested in parseltongue or... hocruxes."

The glint in his eyes when he said this last word was frankly rather worrying.

"No, what I am wondering is why, since you aren't interested in becoming a dark wizard yourself, would you even research the subject?"

I looked at my feet in an obvious attempt to keep my thoughts to myself, and tried to think of something to say. But to no avail, my brain just wouldn't supply me with a lie.

"Alex, I'm not feeling really patient right now" said Tom as he walked toward me, effectively trapping me against the wall, no retreat possible.

I was scared. Really scared. In those last few weeks, I had forgone the fact that Tom, as different as he looked, was still Voldemort, or a piece of it, and that he was dangerous.  _Very_  dangerous. His power was crackling around the room, giving me goosebumps. How could sheer raw power even exist? And how could it come from the fragment of a person that Tom was? He hadn't reached full power yet, couldn't without killing someone - possibly this someone would be me - and yet I knew I wouldn't even hold a second against him. He could instantly and wandlessly kill me if he wanted. Not in a traditionnal way like a killing curse, but Tom was a very creative person to say the least.  

My mind was working several miles per hour but I still couldn't find any lie and god! Why did it have to be so difficult to be friends with a psychopath murderer teenage Dark Lord?

I closed my eyes to partly regain my composure -  _I was shaking so much_  - as well as to somehow keep my thoughts private, but I felt a sharp painin my chest as I did. 

I let out a yelp of distress and fell as my knee buckled. The pain was still present yet somewhat more dull - it still hurt a lot though. I felt as if a hand was squeezing my heart and chest, and with a start, I realized it was probably the case.

I focused hard to keep breathing slowly and saw Tom kneeling to my level.

"I told you I wasn't a patient person" he wispered darkly. 

He stayed silent for a moment, seemingly contemplating what he was going to do with me, those cold hard eyes staring at me and suffocating me even more that the pressure in my chest.

I let a small whimper of fear, ashamed at how easily I could be reduced to such a state. Tears were showing in the corner of my eyes, and despite all my efforts I could sense a panic attack drawing near.

Tom finally sighed and stood up, letting the pressure go as he did - nothing had ever felt as good than at that moment where I was finally able to take a deep breath.

"Why don't you ever give in Alex? Why must you always hide things from me, fight with me, even when I push you so very close to your limits?"

I desperately shut my eyes close, as if it could allow me to ignore the pain I felt at these words. 

_Why did I allow myself to believe that we were friends?_

Suddenly, even if I could have sworn that he had been at the opposite side of the room, I felt Tom's hand yank my face upward and stared deep into my eyes and my mind. 

 _"How do you know all those things you shouldn't?"_ he whispered as well as said into my mind.

I was fully crying, I was faced with a side of Tom I wished had never been uncovered, was his direct target and was about to loose against him. 

I was about to lose him.

And then Tom vanished.

I stayed there, on the ground, completely dumbfounded. What had happened, why had he left?

I understood why when the voices of Nath and Jess coming from the hallway.

I let out a sigh of relief and quickly got up and wiped my face before the girls came in. When the door opened, I had already reached my trunk to get my books for the next lesson -as well as the book by De Breumière and the pages that I did not dare leave behind.

"Oh, Alex!" Exclaimed Jessie as she saw me. "We were all wondering where you'd gone, are you alright?"

"AH, yeah" I hesitantly replied, my voice a bit shaky. "I uh, just wanted to escape the dreadful of Lockart". 

I forced a laugh and looked at Nathalie whom I knew wasn't a big fan of his either. But she didn't return my my laugh or even smile as she simply looked at me with a serious face.

"Is his lesson what made you cry?" She asked in a sarcastic tone, and to that I couldn't reply anything. How had she known I had cried? I hadn't cried enough to have red or puffy eyes, and I had no make up that could get spoilt by tears - I was technically only 11 after all. "You have snot on your sleeve." she then said, as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

"I just caught a cold Nat, no need to make such a fuss about it" I replied with a more assured voice, my lying-on-the-spot mode finally working again. "And don't look so disgusted Jess, the air you breathe has come in contact with your own snot".

I chuckled at her gagging gestures, and left the two friends in the dorm as I headed to the charms classroom.

_"Go to the girl's bathroom on the second floor. Now."_

 Hearing Tom's voice from inside my own mind sent shivers down my spine, but I complied nonetheless - I may have been foolish, but I was no fool.

Although I must have somewhat been one since I had thought I was out of trouble for the moment.

Arrived at the second floor, a little alarm bell rang into my mind. It seemed to say 'BAD IDEA TO GO TO THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS WITH VOLDEMORT IN YOUR POCKET'.

As if I didn't know that already.

I quickly scanned the hallway that noone was around, especially not a Dumbledore -  _You're also a fool to keep trying to protect him after what he just did, what he is doing_  - and hurriedly entered Myrtle's bathroom. 

Myrtle who didn't even seem to be present at the time, as if the whole world had decided that yes, I deserved to die and yes, that was sad but hey, it was my fault for being so gullible.

I tried to keep my heartbeat at a reasonnable speed when I saw Tom appearing next to me, and simply followed him when he walked toward the circle of sinks.

I had heard of Parseltongue. Had heard the movie version of it. Had read about it earlier in the day.

And as little as those 'encounters' with the language had been, I genuinely think nothing could ever have prepared me for the real thing.

I theoretically knew that what he had said was 'open'. But I didn't - couldn't - even start to accept that such a frighteningly beautiful sound, so majestic and so powerful could be a word a simple and meaningless as open.

I was glad I wasn't able to understand it, because this language could probably hold hypnotic properties.

He looked back at me, eyes full of smugness at my reaction to the language, then suddenly hardening and cold again. He gestured for me to enter the opening that I hadn't even realised had appeared and I obliged, feeling as if my heart and soul was cracking up.

I pushed back the tiny hope that, since our time together hadn't been completely faked, he may actually somewhat see me as a friend.

_Stop being stupid. He probably won't even feel sorry when he kills you._

I felt tears welling up in my eyes again, and with a choked sob, I somewhat managed to keep them from escaping.

I hated feeling like this. Weak, afraid, vulnerable, helpless. 

Sad, broken, betrayed, hurt.

I heard an inspiration from Tom, as if he was about to say something, and stiffened in apprehension.

But nothing came. He didn't say anything.

Instead, he kept silently guiding me through the corridors - and there were millions of them, I had no idea how Harry had even been or will be able to find the right room alone. Not that it would matter much now anyway, would it?

We finally arrived in  _the_  room after several flight of stairs he had conjured with Parselmouth, which had strangely calmed me down, and a myriad turns - knowing him, he had probably made most of them simply to lose me to be honest 

_Not that you know him quite as well as you thought._

As we entered the chamber, I was surprised first by how high the ceiling was, we were supposed to be underground, there was no way we could have gone so deep as the stairs had gone up almost as much as they had gone down. 

I stared in awe, wondering if it could be an extension charm, but how could one so strong have gone undetected for so long? And how was it even still holding up, if Slyhterin was the one to have installed it, how had it not withered after all this time?

The second thing that struck me wass Slytherin's gigantic ego- uh, I mean statue. It was just standing there, magnificient and solemn, its stone eyes somewhat akin to Tom's.

At this thought I came back to reality, and when I turned around, Tom was facing me, arms crossed in front of me, as if waiting.

"Have you finished gawking?"

 I blushed at that, acutely aware of how aberrant my behavior was. 

I looked in his eyes, searching for the glint of amusement that he would normally have at my embarassement, or the smugness he would have at impressing me.

But he turned around before I had the choice and headed toward the statue, and started in a voice that echoed loudly on the cold walls:

"So, Alex. I think it's high time you start being honest with me. And I mean really honest, not these half-truths you seem so fond of telling lately."

I scoffed at that "Like you're one to talk. At least half of what I say is true, nothing of what you say is. "

"And what, pray tell, would make you think that?" His cold, inquisitive eyes bore into me with such strentgh, and I was suddenly reminded of how much pain I had felt not even 15minutes earlier.

_I need to stop acting as if he wouldn't hurt me. He already has after all, and won't hesitate to do it again._

Faced with my silence, Tom worldlessly and wandlessly binded me - another proof of just how powerful he was - and sat down on the wet ground about a meter in front of me.

"I frankly don't know what to do. I can't let you roam freely now as you would probably go to Dumbledore at the first chance you get, but I can't kill you either. You see, you really are full of secrets and I am so fond of them. So, tell me Alex. You who seem to know so much, what should I do with you?"

I felt my throat tightening in emotional pain again and, with my eyes shut, I whispered, still somehow hopeful: "You could trust me".

He didn't have any trouble hearing me with every sound echoing around the chamber, and I could hear his heartless chuckle even better.

"Alex, trust can only exist if you are honest"

Suddenly angry, I raised my head quickly - too quickly as my neck hurt from it - and seethed "Ginny trusted you, despite all your lies, and you hurt her. Honesty can be faked if the lies aren't spotted and you have told me much more lies and hidden much more truths than I have".

"You say that yet, you were the one to conceal your name from me for so long."

"Name have power, I may be muggle-born but even in the muggle-world we have our legends."

He eyed me again, the sheer pressure of his gaze so powerful, and said "I'm an incredible liar though. There is no way you could have spotted my lies. There is no way you could know wether I'm honest or not. Or rather, There  _should_  be no way." He stood up and started walking around the room, his left arm trailing along the wall. "From the very beginning you didn't trust me, yet you still knew my name. At first I thought that by acting, you would one day trust me and open to me. But no, you had to wait until it was absolutely necessary, until young Ginevra was going mad, to actually reveal your identity to me. And aside from that and your muggle-born status, I again know nothing about you. I don't know if you have a family, where you live aside from Hogwarts, I know nothing of what your life is like outside of the school, and I only know what it is like in Hogwarts because I managed to accumulate enough power to get out of this journal and see with my own eyes." He was fuming. I could see it, his walk was stiff, and his fists tightly closed. But he was also a master at acting and lying. I couldn't trust anything he did or said, even body-language.

_I can't trust him. I already knew that, but why does it still hurt everytime?_

Suddenly, he was in front of me again, his gaze boring into my eyes.

"Should I just read your mind then? Rip your secrets out of you as I was about to do it earlier? It would hurt you know. It might leave sequels, I haven't yet mastered how to do it softly. And I haven't had much practice either lately, it might take me a lot of time to discover all the secrets hifing in that brain of yours. You have a lot after all." He was back to being his cold threatening self. The one he probably had always been but only just showed to me.

I chuckled to myself, suddenly exhausted. "Oh, how you must have been laughing at me all this time Riddle. Was it funny? To see me so eager to be your friend, so happy at having someone like you by my side? I wonder just how much entertainment you gained by seeing me get more and more addicted to you every passing day, seeing me start to love you even though I've tried so hard to hate you. Even now, I still can't hate you, why can't I hate you?"

I was crying. I had desperately tried not to, but I was too tired now.

_And why am I saying this to him now exactly?_

"Enough." That cold voice again. "Quit your acting. It's useless, I'm not falling for it."

_I'm sorry what?_

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even think.

Was he seriously thinking that I was trying to manipulate him? That these words that came from my heart without me even intending to say them, were faked?

_This boy has really never been loved his whole life, hasn't he? He doesn't have a clue what love is, or how it works._

I was just sad for him. I shouldn't be, not after what he had done, was doing, and what he was about to do. But still, I was feeling sad for him. How must it feel, to never know love, to never love and be loved?

A minute passed. Probably several of them even. But still, neither of us spoke. I was torn between fear, sadness, frustration, and so much other things I didn't want to feel right now, and he was just sitting there, barely a few inches from me. I didn't look up to meet his gaze. I wanted to, but I was afraid of what I would see in his eyes.

_Is there really nothing genuine and true about the Tom I know?_

His hand softly grabbed my chin to raise my face toward his, and he said, so calm, so composed, his expression unreadable: "Tell me."

_I can't ._

"Why? Why can't you?" his grip tightened.

"Because I don't even know how to explain it, you probably wouldn't even believe me, and the consequences would be horrible, that's why."

_**You leave me no choice then.** _

He was inside my mind.

It felt so strange, to have an alien presence invading my thoughts. Our link made it easier to adjust to, and it didn't seem quite as painful as he had implied, but it was still strange. And horribly frightening.

Because once he read in my mind, there were only two outcomes possible. 

He would be satisfied with what he had, kill me, and go do whatever these new informations would allow him to do.

Deem me useful enough to keep me around, make me miserable, and kill me once he had fulfilled whichever scheme he had in mind.

And suddenly the world disappeared around me - although the only thing I had been able to see were Tom's eyes - and I was in my mind.

That was an even weirder sensation than having someone else in my mind had been.

It was some kind of world of blackness, like a void, and all around were doors and windows and screens that contained flashes of my life. All of them were of Hogwarts. There wasn't any of the before.

I stared, wide-eyed at all those things just hovering all around me. That was what my mind looked like?

_Heh, it's as messy I as I would have imagined it to be._

I jumped in surprise as my thought just echoed so loundly all around me.

_Well, no thinking it is I guess._

_Damn_.

_Shit!_

"Stop doing that!" I finally said out loud, and sure enough, it didn't echo anymore. "Okay, so basically, all I have to do is think out loud? Yeah, okay, that I can do. Heh, I am rather used to it anyway so... uhm, how do I move?"

I found that moving was easy. I just had to rotate as I would normally do in the normal world. Even if there was no floor.

_Or maybe th-_

"Ah, fuck!" I tried to calm my nerves at this latest jumpscare and looked at my feet. Sure enough, I was standing on a thin white square, only big enough that I could stand on it and have balance.

"Alex!" Came Tom's voice from behind me. "When you're done admiring yourself and killing my ears, how about you get over there?"

Admiring myself? Because I was trying to figure out how my mind worked? Now, I did tend to go over on the narcissitic side at time, but not half as much as Tom did. I turned over to him, and noticed that he didn't have a square, but was instead floating as the other things in my mind, although he was stationnary. 

"How am I supposed to get to you tho?" I called out to him. "I don't really know how to fly."

He looked at me as if I were dumb - and it shouldn't have made me half as happy as it did to see some emotions in his eyes - and he just said dismissively "It's your mental landscape. Figure it out."

I grumbled slightly and, with hands shaking for some reason I couldn't quite pinpoint, I just started walking in his direction. I've never felt so happy to be right when I saw the white squares appearing beneath my feet.

I walked up to Tom and discovered as I got around one of the windows, that he was standing in front of a huge door that was completely closed with locks and chains wrapped around it. How could I have not seen it before? It was so huge. 

"Can you explain me this?" he asked, impatient and obviously annoyed. Although what he was pointing at angrily was not the door, but a young girl whom could at most be 20 years old.

It took me some time to recognize her.

Because she was me. An older me. Or younger me, depending on how you look at it.

"Hey chipmunk, what are you doing here?" she asked me cheerfully.

"Yeah, I'm not quite to be honest. I think Tom here brought me over because you're in his way". I just replied casually, rolling with it as if  meeting myself was a normal occurence.

"Of course I'm in his way chip, I'm guarding that door and he wants to have access to what's on the other side of it. You know, it kinda is the point of guarding."

Was that really how I sounded to other people?

"Welp, sorry Tom, the lady said no, let's go back now".

"Alex." I had shivers again. "We're not quite done here yet. The only memories I have access to are the ones from Hogwarts, and not even all of them. You're not an occlumens. You shouldn't be able to keep things from me when we're in your mind. Yet somehow you still surprise me. Again. And who is  _she_?"

I sighed at his angry tone, strangely much more relaxed in my mind - or maybe simply because I had accepted my oncoming doom - and said "I think that's me. Like, an older me."

He just looked at me weirdly, as if I had just said the strangest thing on earth.

"Kid," started older me "you've heard her talking to herself, now you get why."

"No, we aren't supposed to have an version of ourselves in our own mind". Ooh, he was seriously shocked.

"Well I don't know, seems pretty normal to me." I replied, shocked that he was shocked.

"Whatever," he said, his voice cold again. "Open the door. Now".

I wasn't getting out of that one, was I? But the problem was, I had no idea how to open it. I look into the eyes of the other me and, sure enough, after a brief moment of doubt in his eyes, she shook her head. She didn't know either.

"Tom, I don't know how to. I would if I could because, I'm not sure why I would, I guess that I'm curious as to what's in there?"

"Your memories are in there. You should know."

I just sighed again, slightly frustrated and angry at myself because why was I ready to give him what he wanted now? He was an evil dark lord, the worst ever, had already killed at least one person, and had stabbed me in the back. 

I walked over to older me, stood in front of her, and she slapped me.

"Thank you."

I probably shouldn't have felt such satisfaction at Tom's expression.

We stayed like this for a few seconds, all eyeing each others warily, until suddenly Tom pushed older me off her square and caused her to fall into the void with a shocked expression. She dissolved into a million particles of light but didn't reappear.

Tom looked at me with harsh eyes saying _you're next if you don't cooperate_ , and then proceeded to try and pry the door open.

I just watched him, hands shaking again, but eventually walked over to him until we were inches apart, and grabbing his arm, I asked: "I can"t lie in here right? Since it's my mental landscape?"

"You can. But I'll see it quite obviously." He shot me an unimpressed look, trying to figure out what I was getting to.

"Then if I tell you that it would be really bad if you did know what's behind that door, you know I'm telling the truths.

"Really bad for whom? For you? For the wizarding community? Or for me? I mean, you know who I am already don't you?"

"You're Tom Riddle."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

I shut my eyes closed, unwilling to say it. Oh yes, I knew. But I didn't want him to know that. Still, he had asked me directly, so, with a quiet voice, I replied "You're Lord Voldemort."

I didn't even look up at him. I didn't really feel like seeing his expression right now.

"As I said, you're always so full of surprise." He said with a sigh.

"I also know you're the one who opened the Chamber of Secrets decades ago when you were still a student, and I know you're the one who made Ginny open it this year as well, you said you weren't hurting her but you're lying, you're always lying, you say you can't trust me but the truth is I can't trust you, and it hurts to know that I can't say anything without having to fear you'll use it against me later, or that I can't believe anything you say because it might always be part of some plot!" I was breathless at the end of my rant, and I felt foolish. I had already tried to tell him how I felt and he just dsimissed it.

"Then why Alex, did you keep talking with me? Why didn't you just drop me somewhere and forget me? Why did you still befriend me?" I couldn't read his expression nor his voice, and I hated it. 

"Because I couldn't help it." I whispered, suddenly unsure. How was I supposed to explain to him love and friendship? I had never been able to put words on it. "You're just so magnetic, and as much as I tried to hate you for what you did to Colin, and because you're freaking Voldemort, I just couldn't. You're just so damn smart, you know so much and I can actually talk with you, which is a real pleasure. And, I guess that my selfish self liked the idea of having a friend only I had."

_I just fell for your act. How I wish it hadn't been one._

I jumped a bit as my thought echoed again, even if it wasn't quite as loud as it had been earlier.

I looked at him and he seemed confused. And he probably was. I mean, if he had indeed never felt love then it was no surprise he couldn't understand it. I had felt love and still didn't so really, I couldn't really blame him. 

I just blinked and suddenly I was back in the Chamber of Secrets. Alone. 

Had he left me go after all? Was he back in the pages?

_How am I supposed to get out of here now though?_

Anxious because I was lost somewhere under Hogwarts, courtesy of Tom, there was a basilisk chilling around, and if I died here probably noone would ever find me.

I went back to the entrance of the Chamber, careful to see if there was any huge scaly tail showing up, and once there I saw that there wasn't any stairs as the ones we came through earlier. Instead, just a long soft slope.

_Seriously Tom? It actually was this simple?_

I sighed and started walking towards the exit, stumbling a bit when the ground went from smooth to rocky. When I reached the wall at the end of it, I panicked again. I couldn't speak parselmouth, how was I supposed to get out of here? Was I really doomed to stay in this Chamber forever, alone in my misery, forever blocked from the real world? Why did I have to be held hostage by my own incapacity and ignorance? There wouldn't even be anything for me to do in this dark display of Salazar Slytherin's enormous ego, only my thougts to distract myself from my impending doom and unchangeable fate of-

_Oh wait, there's a lever._

I pulled it, and sure enough the passage opened.

I quickly got out, waited until it was completely closed, and ran out of Mytle's bathroom and to the Room of Requirements.

I needed to calm down. I did so by eating the chocolate I had put into my bag at breakfast.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And bam! Almost 5000 words, I've really outdone myself this time. I would say it's to compensate for the lateness again, but truth is, I simply couldn't just stop it in the middle, it's just so intense.  
> And also, I have already asked but probs noone reads the AN. But I still need a beta please! And just have another point of view for when I write is because there are probablt many things wrong that I don't realise, so yeah.
> 
> Also, thanks for all the kuddos, because that's the only thing that reminds me I actually have to write the next chapter.
> 
> Next chapter is this scene by Tom's POV because there are just so many things happening in his head and I wanna show it to you guys.


	17. Tom's POV (1/2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me trying to do the previous chapters in Tom's POV and getting pissed because it's just so damn long so I'm cutting it in two parts, and since I'm a horrible author, I cut it on a cliffhanger. A bad one, but a cliffhanger nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ YOU PEOPLE WHO NEVER READ MY AUTHOR NOTES BECAUSE THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT.  
> Okay, so first I wanted to say that the "love" I talk about when referring to Alex and Tom, is not the romantic kind. It's like super strong friendship but like, a level higher. There ain't actually gonns be any romantic love between Alex and Tom I think. Although I do have some plans for like, 5 years later into the story but heh, I'm not sure I'll be brave enough to write a sequel or like, a book for every canon book or whatevs.  
> And also, I need a beta, thank you. Enjoy!

Tom woke up feeling a bit groggy, something he didn’t like. Even if he was stuck in the diary, he absolutely hated being weak in any form or way. He shot a stinging hex to himself and distractedly sipped on the cup of tea placed on the table, thinking back on that time he had explained to Alex, who had a hard time waking up, his little method. 

She had called him a masochist. He grinned as he remembered how she had added right after « I thought you were more on the other end of the spectrum to be honest. »

 He still had a hard time figuring out why he felt closer to Alex after merely five weeks than he had felt close to Abraxas after knowing each others for years. Moreover, Abraxas had been completely obedient, unlike the brat Alex was. A very funny brat.  _In every sense of the term ‘funny’._  Truth was, he didn’t feel like he was talking to a brat when speaking with Alex. That was another reason why he tended to leave the diary much more than necessary – even if that tended to make him lose much of what he would need to regain a permanent physical form detached from the diary. At least, when he was outside of the diary and able to see Alex, he could remind himself that yes, she was still an eleven years old child, way beneath him and unknowing of everything. But then again, not quite as unknowing as she should be. 

Tom sighed, annoyed that his thoughts went to Alex and her weirdness first thing in the morning. Not that he had much to do anyway. He was already thankful that some of Alex’s excursions to the Room of Requirements had allowed him to read a few new – and most importantly, recent – books. It annoyed him that he was so dependent of her. 

 _There are many things about her that annoy me it seems_. 

He just sat down at his table and ate his breakfast while reading one of the newest book to distract himself. This one told and umpteenth theory on why transfiguration couldn’t hold forever, and just by reading it he could find about a dozen of arguments against this theory, but he still read it. It was funny to see how dumb people could be at times. 

“ _It’s a shame you didn’t become a scientist after graduating”_  had once said Alex after he had explained him his research on the subject.  _“You probably would’ve advanced the wizarding community so much”_  

_“What makes you think I didn’t?”_

“ _It’s simple”_  she had said, looking really focused, as she always did when she was looking for a half-truth to say or an explanation _. “If you had, I probably would’ve read the name Tom Riddle somewhere. Actually, I’m pretty certain that at least one of your books would be on the Hogwarts curriculum. You’re just like, that smart.”_  

_“Maybe I kept my research a secret?”_

“ _With your ego? No way.”_ She had laughed at her own joke and then started asking questions about his theory.

 Even at the time, it had bothered him, her behavior, how she seemed completely at ease with him despite how she had at first been so wary of him, and moreover, how she seemed to know so many things she shouldn’t. Tom let a growl as he realised that despite his attempts, his thoughts kept coming back to Alex. The girl was just too much of a mystery for Tom to ignore. And the fact that he still tried to ignore her bothered him just as much, if not more. He had never been the type to ignore his problems until they either got away or became too much to handle – that was much more Alex’s type. He preferred to plan things through, carefully and methodically devise a way to overcome obstacles so that he would never be taken by surprise or find himself with his back to the wall. And here he was, barely going as far as to acknowledge the problem Alex was. 

He sighed and went to the window, thinking about her. The girl knew too much. She had known his name the first time they had spoken, something that shouldn’t have been possible as he hadn’t rewrote it after Ginny had first opened the book and seen it, therefore erasing it. After learning that Bob was in fact Alex, Ginny’s best friend, he had assumed that that’s how she had known, that Ginny had told her she had a pen-pal named Tom. But Alex had called him by his surname that first time. Ginny probably never would have given it to her, nor thought about it. Tom doubted she even remembered it. Yet Alex knew without even needing him to tell her. It wasn’t the only odd thing. She seemed to know him. She knew he hated muggles, even after all his speeches about how he had grown up amongst muggles and pitied them – lies, but she had no way to know. 

And he still couldn’t understand how  _attached_  she felt towards Tom. Yes, Tom had to admit, he was just that charisamtic and so close to perfection, people could only like him. But Alex did know he wasn't the angel he looked like. And yes, he as well found her company enjoyable, but he had attenuating circumstances given how he had been alone for decades. When he spoke to her and was able to feel her emotions, which she couldn’t hide, he would sometimes sense things he had never felt for anyone himself. As such, he often had trouble naming them, but with research, he was able to do so for a few of the most recurrent ones. The one he sensed the most, he thought, was called “fondness”. After he was able to get out of the diary, he was also able to see the look that accompanied it. It made him uneasy. He was used to seeing admiration, satisfaction, pride, amazement, awe, fear, worry, and so many other things in other people’s eyes when they were looking at him, but never that. Not once. Sometimes she would also randomly think about him, and Tom would sense something warm, the same feeling he would get when drinking a butter-beer in front of a fire on a very cold day. He had no idea how or why she would feel like this and like a lot of other things he still couldn’t describe, as well as smile, simply because she was thinking about him. He had absolutely no idea, but he knew something. It felt good. Those were her feelings that he caught a glimpse of sometimes, and he loved them. He had never experienced that before, and Ginny had never shown anything like that, eventually some disgusting stuff when talking about Harry Potter, but that was just so far from what Alex was feeling – granted, his aversion for the ginger girl and Potter boy may also have influenced how he received the feelings. 

He held back a sigh – he was starting to do them a bit too often – and thought about what he was going to do about Alex. He would have to use her at some point. But how? She gave him no informations he might have a use of, and couldn’t even get much energy from her because she still hadn’t given him any secrets since they had formed the bond. And because the little energy he could draw from her, he used it to take physical form. Thank god, he was still feeding on Ginny’s essence when they talked. Which happened less often. Because he was busy talking with Alex. 

_This girl is not only odd, she is also thwarting my plans._

He had never let anyone thwart his plans before. If someone was in his way, he crushed them. End of story. But he couldn’t crush Alex. He still needed her, and would have a hard time getting rid of her discretely. 

_But I don’t need her. I can feed from Ginny. And she is muggle-born, I can unleash the basilisk on her if I want to dispose of her._

He hit the window in frustration. Was there really no way out of this? Why was he even looking for a way out?  _The only way out I should be looking for is a way out of this goddamn prison._ Annoyed, he mentally sought Alex, but didn’t find her. She wasn’t anywhere near the pages.

 Panicked, he checked for Ginny, but she was rather close to the diary. He started pacing, wondering where Alex had gone. She wouldn’t usually leave without the pages, worried someone might take them. Had she grown tired of him? Decided he was too dangerous to handle after all? Was she going to hand him over to Dumbledore? No, she couldn’t. Dumbledore would kill him after realising he was a hocrux. Surely she wouldn’t kill him? But what if she didn’t know what Dumbledore would do? Tom wasn’t the type to panic. But Alex was a wild card, there was no telling what she would do, and Tom was helpless stuck in this journal. Maybe he could take control of Ginny. But that would use a lot of the energy he had built up for when he would take control of Ginny to petrify another student, and he wouldn’t be able to lure Harry Potter in if he didn’t. But if he was caught by Dumbledore, he wouldn’t be able to get his hands on Harry Potter either. He forced himself to remain calm and sat down in his armchair. 

He kept sending mental waves to Alex in the hopes that she would eventually get close enough to the pages to sense them. And he waited. He waited a few minutes. 20 minutes. 40. An hour and a half. And still she didn’t come. But Tom could be a patient person when he wanted, and so he waited so more. Finally, after about three hours, he felt her coming close to the Gryffindor tower.

 But she was supposed to be coming out of her Defense class, why did she seem to arrive from the West wing of the castle, the opposite of where the classroom was? He still kept sending the waves, starting to get really annoyed. If she hadn’t even been in class, why hadn’t she come for him?

 " _Tom if you want me to actually be able to get close to the dorms stop giving me brain boiling headaches"_  she sent toward him after some time. 

Tom had to begrudgingly admit that yes, what he was doing was rather counter-productive, and decided to stop. Although not before sending one last spike of pain to her. He was angry at her after all. 

He waited a few more minutes, Alex’s presence growing stronger as she came closer, and summoned bits of the energy to come out of the pages but stayed invisible. Finally Alex opened the door and, a grin spreading across her face, started walking toward her side of the room with a very slow pace. Brat. 

“Alex, just hurry up or you will get late to classes" he spoke out loud at her antics, finally revealing himself. He was extremely satisfied when he saw her jump in surprise.

 “Damnit Tom,” She said as she turned to face him, glaring. “Don’t scare me like that, you'll give me a heart attack one of these days". 

Tom just raised a vexed eyebrow at that, even if she couldn’t see him as she had gone to get her things in her trunk. "I wouldn't have scared you if you hadn't left me in here". 

"I didn't mean to do it. I just er, forgot." 

"Alex, I'm not stupid." He replied as he came towards her and helped gather her things, still slightly annoyed – and amused at how much of a bad liar Alex could be sometimes. Not always though. "I know you did it on purpose, which is cruel of you as you know I can only go where the pages go." There, that should make her feel guilty. 

He tuned her off as she starting ranting in the hope to find excuses for her inexcusable behavior, and just kept on helping her with her things. He picked up a book she had gotten out of her satchel, and was surprised to see it wasn’t one of her schoolbooks, he would’ve known if she had had a dark green book like that. 

_She was at the library. That’s why she came from the West wing._

Wondering what she had decided to borrow this time, and finding the color strangely familiar, he turned the book around to read the title. And he froze. Why had Alex gotten  _that_ book? Why had she wanted to know more about dark magic and parseltongue? Was she aware that it was in this book Tom had first read about the hocruxes?  _Does that mean she knows I’m a hocrux?_  He looked at her again, trying to guess what her motives truly were, when finally Alex looked at him as well and stopped talking, effectively frozen. They stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at each other, until Tom raised the hand that was holding the book.

 "Alex, what is this?" he asked, forcing his voice to stay neutral and not betray what he was feeling. Her gaze went to the book he was holding in his hand, and suddenly she went pale and seemed to be stricken by a horrible realisation. Yes, Alex was hiding many things from him indeed.

 She looked back up to him, and in her eyes he could read “ _Please don’t think I’m aiming to become a Dark Lord”._  

"Oh please", answered Tom to her thoughts. "As much as you try to be secretive, I know you enough to know you would never even dream to be a dark wizard, nor are you interested in parseltongue or... hocruxes." Yes, she did know about hocruxes, her expression confirmed that.

   _I knew it. She isn’t quite as innocent as she likes to pretend._ Why did he feel this pang in his chest at this thought?

 "No, what I am wondering is why, since you aren't interested in becoming a dark wizard yourself, would you even research the subject?"

 Her gaze shifted to her feet but even without reading her mind, Tom knew she was desperately looking for an excuse. He held back a sigh and walked toward her as she had retreated as far as she could against the wall.

 "Alex, I'm not feeling really patient right now". She was afraid, that much he could tell from her shaking – and strangely, this didn’t seem to make him as cheerful as it usually would.

 He slowly let his power spread around the dorm, intimidating her even more. She closed her eyes to escape his legilimency. 

He couldn’t have that now, could he? Her knees buckled in pain when he used a simple stinging hex, but made it blossom in her chest. He didn’t revel in her cry of distress as he usually would either. That made him frown. He had found torturing to be boring at most, but never had he felt this slight feeling that he was doing something wrong before. He dismissed it quickly and went back to taking care of the strange child. He knelt to be at eye level with her and whispered: 

"I told you I wasn't a patient person". He simply stared at her for some time, waiting for her to tell him all her secrets, but unsurprisingly she didn’t. 

What did surprise him was the pang of  _something_  he had felt at her small whimper of pain. He sighed, annoyed at himself and especially at all those emotions he had never felt before that suddenly showed up as if that was the best time, and those emotions were so useless as well, all they seemed to do was hindering him!

 He stood up, getting more and more frustrated with the situation, and said "Why don't you ever give in Alex? Why must you always hide things from me, fight with me, even when I push you so very close to your limits?" 

He went back right in front of her in a moment and, using her surprise, yanked Alex’s face upward to stared into her eyes and mind. 

   _"How do you know all those things you shouldn't?"_ he whispered as well as said into the girl’s chaotic mind. 

She was crying. A lot. (It was kinda annoying to be honest). Even if Tom hadn’t yet fully entered her mind, he was deep enough to feel her panic, as well as one single dominant thought:

 _I’m going to lose him._  

That got Tom’s brain to freeze. It was just sending blank signals. How was he supposed to react to this? 

Giggles from the corridor alerted him that someone was coming. Quickly, he released his legilimency and went back into the pages, still conscious and careful of what was happening around. He heard the vague bits of voices that indicated a conversation, and could only distinctly hear Alex’s replies:

 "Ah, yeah. I uh, just wanted to escape the dreadful of Lockart". 

 "I just caught a cold Nat, no need to make such a fuss about it. And don't look so disgusted Jess, the air you breathe has come in contact with your own snot". 

There was another pause, and what sounded like laughters – despite Alex’s continuing anxiousness. She really was good at acting. He waited some more and, when he felt Alex moving, sent to her: 

 _"Go to the girl's bathroom on the second floor. Now."_  The girl’s panic rose again, and nervously she complied. Tom got a vague impressions of sirens blaring inside the girl’s mind, but dismissed them, starting to get rather annoyed by their link. Even though the strongest the link was, the strongest  _he_  was. 

Once she arrived to the bathroom, Tom left the diary, noting Alex’s jump of surprise, and walked to the sink. 

**_Open For The Heir Of Slytherin And Provide Me With Stairs._ **

He looked back at Alex, and seeing her dazed look, felt smug. It was rare for Alex to be impressed enough that she would show it. 

_Focus Tom. That girl is your enemy right now._

He gestured for her to enter through opening and with her head hung low, she obediently did. As they walked through the corridors, Alex’s fear was slowly replaced by sadness or so it seemed, and faintly, Tom heard her try to hold a sob. He opened his mouth to say something, anything to make her feel better, but held back. Not because he had no idea what he could have said, of course, but because she was his  _enemy_. 

He kept conjuring endless flight of stairs to get her to be really lost and confused, but it also seemed to have the rather weird effect of calming her down, or more exactly, the parseltongue did. People were usually uneasy when hearing parselmouth, not  _relaxed_. 

Annoyed at Alex’s continuous strange behaviour, he kept her walking for about fifteen more minutes before conjuring a real way to the Chamber of Secrets. 

After all the hours he had spent in it during his school years at Hogwarts, he was used to the sight. That was obviously not Alex’s case. The way she just stared in awe at everything from the floor to the ceiling was really satisfying because at least  _that_  reaction was expected. She kept looking at everything with eyes full of wonder for at least a minute before she seemed suddenly brought back to reality and turned back to Tom who was waiting, arms crossed, simply reveling in seeing her acting as expected for once.

 "Have you finished gawking?"

 She blushed at his question, obviously embarrassed, and Tom had to turn around to hide his amusement. Yes, he was good at acting but Alex had somehow always been able to know if he was experiencing what she called ‘positive feelings’ by simply looking in his eyes. Which made him even more convinced that these feelings were not positive at all. Frustrated once more, he headed toward the statue, and started in a voice that dramatically echoed loudly on the cold walls:

"So, Alex. I think it's high time you start being honest with me. And I mean really honest, not these half-truths you seem so fond of telling lately." She had after all the nasty habit of keeping a good conscience by hiding things without really lying. As he had taught her. But she wasn’t supposed to be using it against him!

Tom frowned as he heard Alex scoffing behind him. "Like you're one to talk. At least half of what I say is true, nothing of what you say is. "

Furious, he appeared back right in front of her and asked "And what, pray tell, would make you think that?"

She just stared, suddenly wary, but didn’t answer. Of course. Tom simply binded her with a fleck af the wrist and explained what their problem was: "I frankly don't know what to do. I can't let you roam freely now as you would probably go to Dumbledore at the first chance you get, but I can't kill you either. You see, you really are full of secrets and I am so fond of them. So, tell me Alex. You who seem to know so much, what should I do with you?"

Nothing came for a moment until he heard a faint whisper. "You could trust me".

He chuckled, somehow impressed by Alex’s impudence. Did she really think he was a fool? "Alex, trust can only exist if you are honest"

Suddenly angry, she seethed :"Ginny trusted you, despite all your lies, and you hurt her. Honesty can be faked if the lies aren't spotted and you have told me much more lies and hidden much more truths than I have".

"You say that yet, you were the one to conceal your name from me for so long."

"Name have power, I may be muggle-born but even in the muggle-world we have our legends."

He eyed her again, realizing they were fighting like children and that before if someone disagreed with him he would just crucio them. But somehow, he liked arguing with her. "I'm an incredible liar though. There is no way you could have spotted my lies. There is no way you could know wether I'm honest or not. Or rather, There  _should_  be no way." He stood up and started walking around the room, his left arm trailing along the wall. Now was the time to show her everything that was strange about her. "From the very beginning you didn't trust me, yet you still knew my name. At first I thought that by acting, you would one day trust me and open to me. But no, you had to wait until it was absolutely necessary, until young Ginevra was going mad, to actually reveal your identity to me. And aside from that and your muggle-born status, I again know nothing about you. I don't know if you have a family, where you live aside from Hogwarts, I know nothing of what your life is like outside of the school, and I only know what it is like in Hogwarts because I managed to accumulate enough power to get out of this journal and see with my own eyes." He was trying really hard to keep his anger in control, but it was hard. Why was he feeling  _hurt_ when thinking about how little he knew of her, as if he was betrayed? But he was supposed to kill people when they betrayed him, not feel like  _that._ Keeping his temper in check, he appeared back to her again – distantly feeling like some kind of yoyo – and asked her : "Should I just read your mind then? Rip your secrets out of you as I was about to do it earlier? It would hurt you know. It might leave sequels, I haven't yet mastered how to do it softly. And I haven't had much practice either lately, it might take me a lot of time to discover all the secrets hifing in that brain of yours. You have a lot after all." That was a lie, even with all the secrets she had, he would be perfectly able to uncover them painlessly, she wasn’t an occlumens after all, and legilimency had always come to him extremely naturally. But he needed to scare her. It didn’t seem very effective when she let out a tired chuckle.

"Oh, how you must have been laughing at me all this time Riddle. Was it funny? To see me so eager to be your friend, so happy at having someone like you by my side? I wonder just how much entertainment you gained by seeing me get more and more addicted to you every passing day, seeing me start to love you even though I've tried so hard to hate you. Even now, I still can't hate you, why can't I hate you?"

She was crying. Why was she crying? And why exactly was she saying all that stuff? Wait, was he actually supposed to care? Well yes, he sort of did in some way when he realized it but she was surely lying right? Merlin why were feelings so complicated! Couldn’t she just stop talking?

"Enough." He said, trying not to panic as he saw her open her mouth again. "Quit your acting. It's useless, I'm not falling for it."

He actually didn’t care much if she was lying or not, but he did not want to deal with her feelings of betrayal. He already had his to sort through thank you. He shook his head, trying to regain some control over himself, summoning his anger to do so. Better angry and determined than confused. He stayed silent for a few moments, looking at her downcast face. Eventually, he gently grabbed Alex’s chin to raise her face toward his, and simply ordered: “Tell me.”

_“I can't .”_

"Why? Why can't you?" his grip tightened.

"Because I don't even know how to explain it, you probably wouldn't even believe me, and the consequences would be horrible, that's why."

Tom felt odd. A weird mix of anger, guilt, resignation and determination. If she wouldn’t tell him what he wanted, then he could only pry it from her mind himself. He shot a wordless ligilimens, and as he entered her mind, said: 

 _ **You leave me no choice then.**_  

He blocked everything from the different layers in order to stay focused, and it took him no time to reach her memories, which rather troubled him. The link had made their mind much closer than it should have, the soul was usually the only affected thing. 

A final push allowed him to enter Alex’s memory-portion of her mind, and he was honestly surprised at what he saw. This girl had the most disorganized mind he had ever seen! Basically her memories were just floating around without any particular way of classification, they were just scattered in the pitch darkness around.

Tom sighed, annoyed as he realized that it was getting  _even harder,_ and started floating among the memories. It seemed that the farthest he went, the oldest the memories were. At least  _that_ was constant. 

He soon arrived to the memory of their first discussion, and lingered on it for a few seconds. In the memory he was able to feel Alex’s feelings, and he was amused at how panicked she had been. 

He quickly went back to his business, ignoring the basic snippets of her life at Hogwarts. But the last memory he had access to was the one where she woke up in the headmaster’s office. Beyond was only a huge door locked and maintained shut by chains. Nothing else.

   _What in Merlin’s name is that?_  

He tried rattling the huge door a bit in the hope that he would open, mentally pushed against it, but to no avail. It didn’t even budge. He kept trying for a few minutes, feeling his frustration rise more than ever before, letting out a few curses along the way, until he heard a voice coming from his left: 

“It doesn’t matter how much or how long you try, it’s completely useless mate.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta for my fics, so if you see any mistake, feel free to tell me in your comments ^^ Also, if you just want to write a comment, please do ;p


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